fandomhigh | Entries tagged with sex ed

Jon was standing at the left front of the class with his arms crossed, scowling. Hannibal was standing at the right front, stone-faced.

"Today we're going to discuss something very important about relationships," Jon snapped. "Boundaries and apologies."

"Sometimes," Hannibal added smoothly, his eyes slightly narrowed, "you may encounter difficulties. It may not always be clear where you may have transgressed."

"And sometimes," Jon said, "You might think it's completely obvious."

"Which is why communication is key," Hannibal said pointedly "Actually talking about problems you might have."

"Violence is rarely the answer," Jon said even more pointedly.

"So, let's discuss communication techniques," Hannibal said, ignoring him. He brought up a screen on the projector.

single_man_tear

The class probably noticed that the regular teachers were not around when they first sat down and waited for a few minutes before Dean was shoved through the door by a moose. “HEY! HEY! WATCH THE ANTLERS!”

He looked around the room and sighed. “Okay, so, apparently, I’m supposed to teach this class. Just, uh…bear with me.”

He glanced at the whiteboard where someone had written, in cheerful cursive: “Today’s Topic: Anatomy!” Dean stared at it for a second, then turned to the class.

“Right. So. Anatomy.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Look, I’m gonna level with you—I’m not a doctor, okay? The closest I get to ‘medical expertise’ is patching up bullet wounds and maybe knowing how many ribs a vampire has.” He paused. “It’s the same as humans, by the way. Just in case that’s ever useful.”

“But,” Dean continued, holding up a finger, “what I do know is that y’all deserve better than someone who thinks the right spot on you that drives you wild is a mythical creature. Spoiler alert—it’s not. And if they can’t find it, they're either lazy or haven't learned the value of taking their time.”

In case anyone was wondering, Dean was not sticking to the lesson plan and was just winging it.
Well, lucky for him someone else was shoved through the door a bit later. Remy adjusted his jacket with a scowl over his shoulder. "I fought a wooly mammoth mutant while blind, homme, don't think being a moose will scare me."

Then he looked at Dean. At the class. At the board.

"Why does everyone think I want to teach kids about sex?"

The moose bellowed from the hallways.

"College kids. Still kids." He looked at Dean again. "So. How far have you gotten?"
“Don’t settle for lazy people who won’t spend time getting ready for the main event,” Dean said, trying to keep it family friendly.

Remy ruined that immediately with a creative and very Cajun curse. "Foreplay is at least half the fun!" He leaned against the desk. "What I like to do is. . . ."

The following description was extremely detailed with regard to the standard female — and male — anatomies, accompanied by illustrative hand gestures and facial expressions, and has been redacted from this narrative for the sake of the children.

". . . And then make sure everyone has enough water. Hydration is important."

Dean smirked. “As is communicating what you want and listening to what they want. All those techniques Cajun here just mentioned don’t mean squat if you or your partner has a hang up or isn’t into it. Find out what they do like from this Cajun’s very detailed and thorough descriptions and make it happen if both parties agree. Hell, that sounds like an assignment, doesn’t it Remy?”

Remy nodded. "Sure. Assignment. Find someone, talk to them, and if they're into it, have fun. Or do it by yourself if you prefer. Best way to find out what works on you is to dig in and explore yourself. Oh, and condoms on sex toys is good practice and easier clean up." He nodded to himself, then smiled. "Oh! Who here knows how to use a dental dam?"

This, Remy. This is why people think you would enjoy teaching about sex.

intheeyeofthebeholding

Today only Jon was in front of the class, and he was ~~pouting~~ glowering, arms crossed, as he leaned against the desk up front.

"You would think that the doctor would be the best one for this class, but apparently he's too good for it. Or he thought he'd make me squirm. Unfortunately for him, I have no issues discussing any part of this. Today we're covering the male reproductive system."

He pulled up an image on the big screen. "Even if this doesn't apply to your own body, it's useful to know how others' bodies behave and how they're built. And, well, no knowledge is really ever wasted."

You would say that, Jon

"So." He nodded and went into an in-depth clinical discussion of the topic, with only a few tangents about naming conventions and overly tight underwear. "Any questions?"

unusual_sith

When the students arrived to class today, they would find an entirely different teacher at the front.

"Right," Lana said. "Apparently both of your usual instructors have chickened out on this one." Or had thought the class might be more comfortable with a woman? She was betting on the former, though.

She folded her arms. "I have absolutely no idea why they chose me for this, apart from that I'm female and free at this time. Today we're talking about the female reproductive system. Specifically the one in humans." She looked at them. "You all seem to be human or near-human and at least adolescent, but I could be wrong, and unless you're comfortable enough to speak up, I won't ask. I also won't ask if anyone doesn't have a uterus or doesn't menstruate. Partly because if you're not comfortable saying it, I don't need to know, and partly because I've been asked here at little to no notice to discuss this one thing, and if there's anything else, you can spring it on your instructors."

Look, she had never had to give "the puberty talk" to anyone yet, and she had been perfectly fine with that.

"So." She proceeded to go into a detailed and matter-of-fact description of the female reproductive system.

"Any questions?"

intheeyeofthebeholding

Today, the instructors stood at the front of the class, Jon looking a little more awkward than usual and Hannibal looking as calm as ever.

"Sex can be extremely fun," Hannibal began.

Jon rolled his eyes. "'Sex' encompasses a large variety of activities. Which we are not going into depth about, but we are going to discuss."

"There are also many things that may not be explicitly sexual, but are involved in relationships nevertheless," Hannibal added, "and it is important to know your boundaries."

"Everybody has them," Jon said. "Things you enjoy, things you don't, things you actively despise. Things you aren't sure of. If you don't know what yours are, you could come up against them or have a partner come up against them before you realize."

"I should hope it goes without saying," Hannibal added, arching an eyebrow, "but any partner who deliberately crosses your boundaries once you have set them out is not a person you should remain with."

Jon was giving Hannibal an incredulous look for that, but he wasn't about to get into things in front of class.

Honestly, it's not as if Will had ever told him not to frame him for murder.

Jon sighed. "So yes, it is important to discuss your boundaries with a partner. Or at least communicate them. It could be as simple as saying 'stop', or you could sit down and have an entire discussion. Mostly that depends on you and the situation."

"So, we have another quiz for you," Hannibal said cheerfully. "We will not be reviewing these in class." He passed out pages with a quiz on them. "These are best gone over on your own the first time, so that you can consider some of the variety of things you might be interested in or not. You may also at a later date go over them with your partner. We'll even give you another copy if you would like to give them one."

"Why kill ten trees when you could kil twenty?" Jon snarked. "I also have a URL I can give you for an online version. Anyway, go over these. We're here if you have any questions about what's in them, what something means, or how to use them."

sharp_man

"Welcome back," Hannibal said. "I hope you all enjoyed our vacation." Were they ignoring that they'd missed class last week? Absolutely.

"Today we're discussing more about gender," Jon said. "We mentioned earlier that the tradition for around a century in the current culture is that there are two, male and female. But throughout history there have been a lot of other conceptions of gender, and people have recently been rediscovering those and conceptualizing their own."

"Gender encompasses a number of aspects," Hannibal said, "both societal and internal. Gender can be related to sex, but is not necessarily the same thing. And contrary to modern Western interpretations, it is more accurate to conceive of it as a quadrant graph." He drew one on the whiteboard. One axis was labelled "masculine" and one was labelled "feminine".

"This still isn't exact, but it's better," Jon said. "Some people can be very masculine and not very feminine, and some can be very feminine and not very masculine. Some can be both, some can be neither. And some people can move all around depending on the day, the hour, or their mood." He shrugged.

"Those who feel both highly masculine and highly feminine may be called androgynous," Hannibal said. "Those who are neither are agender. Those whose identity varies are genderfluid."

"There's all kinds of in-between things, like demiboys and demigirls who feel only a partial connection to a gender," Jon began, "though honestly, I wish we could name people with grown-up terms. Demimen and demiwomen would be a bit less condescending towards anyone over the age of...well, twelve, because teenagers would probably not prefer to be called children, either. I know I certainly -"

"Regardless," Hannibal interrupted loudly, and Jon scowled but let him. "We thought we could discuss gender and see where we all stand on it, as much as you are comfortable with it."

"We have this one on computer instead of paper, at least," Jon said, rolling his eyes.

intheeyeofthebeholding

"Next week is fall break," Jon began. "So, you'll all be out in a potentially strange city and you may want to go out on your own." He grimaced. "We...well, I..." he gave Hannibal a look, "devoutly wish we didn't have to discuss these other sorts of safety, but the world being what it is, we will anyway."

Hannibal ignored the look and nodded gravely to them. "People can be terrible."

"You would know," Jon muttered.

Hannibal cleared his throat. "Men, particularly, and in places where people congregate to find dates. So, today we will be discussing safety in such places."

"First of all, don't go alone," Jon said. "Stay with someone if at all possible. Safety in numbers and all that. If you can't, make sure someone else at least knows where you are and where you'll be."

"Do not get into cars or go off with anybody you don't know," Hannibal said.

"Cover your drink and keep an eye on it," Jon said. "You don't want to have to worry about drugs."

Hannibal looked smug. "I have bought you each a kit to help with that as well." He handed them out. "These will test your drink if you're worried."

"Trust your instincts if you don't feel safe," Jon said. He sighed. "I really, really wish we didn't have to give this lecture, and it absolutely should not be on you to keep yourselves safe, but here we are."

"Otherwise, enjoy your time in Quebec!" Hannibal said, pronouncing it the proper French way.

Like the pretentious ass he was.

sharp_man

Today the instructors were standing in front of the class as if nothing had happened.

"Welcome back," Hannibal said. "Today we are once more discussing sex."

"And we're doing it clinically and scientifically, because anything else would be creepy in this context," Jon said firmly. "Though apparently we're doing it on paper like this is the seventies."

Hannibal began passing out the paper handouts he was holding. "Paper is more practical to keep around than tablets."

"This class could've been an email," Jon muttered.

Hannibal gave him a look. "My alma mater offers some good information about safer sex, which is where we'll start. We assume that any of you may choose to have sex at some point, and there will be no judgement attached to when you do or do not choose it. But it is important to keep yourself safe from diseases."

"We have some of the options up here," Jon said, gesturing at the table where they were laid out. "And we'll discuss how they all work. And apparently putting condoms on bananas is tradition, so we'll be practicing that, too."

"It is a classic for a reason, I suppose." Personally Hannibal would have gone with actual dildos, which would have been more instructional.

And creepy, Jon maintained, so bananas it was.

intheeyeofthebeholding

When students arrived today, there was a message tacked up on the door:

Your professors could not come to a consensus. Try back next week.

[Sorry, guys; I just absolutely cannot brain today. Hopefully next week after med adjustment will be better.]

sharp_man

"Today we'll be talking about sex," Hannibal announced cheerfully. Jon gave him a disgusted look. (It was probably less about the subject and more about his glee. Probably.)

Hannibal ignored it. "Sex, contrary to the beliefs of puritanical prudes, is a natural thing for humans. It's designed for procreation and enjoyment. And you'll find no judgement here on which of those you might be interested in." He gave Jon a stern look.

Jon scowled. "I'm not judging anyone. There's also no judgement if you're not interested in either of those things. Human sexuality is...is incredibly varied. It includes all sorts of, erm, attractions or lack thereof."

"The tradition in this part of the world is heterosexuality," Hannibal said. "That is, attraction between men and women. For the last few centuries, other sexualities have been met with varying degrees of hostility, from suspicion to the death penalty. Currently in this country, the outlook can depend greatly upon where you are and who you are with."

"Bigots are everywhere," Jon said dourly. "Well. Actually, I...I don't think there are many or any on the island," he admitted. "But if you're not straight...er, heterosexual...you should probably be careful on the mainland unless you know you're safe."

"Which is tangential to the matter under discussion," Hannibal interrupted. "Apart from heterosexuality, another popular definition is homosexuality - being gay. That is, being attracted to those of your same gender. For those of you here, specifically, if you identify as women, you may also hear the term 'lesbian', which is specifically a woman attracted to women. More recently, bisexuality - being attracted to those of either gender - was recognized. And now, as we learn more about different genders and gender spectra, pansexuality, which is being attracted to any or all genders, or simply multiple genders."

"Some people use bisexuality to mean that, too," Jon spoke up. "It's, um...you'll learn that a lot of different people use these words differently. We're..." He sighed. "We're trying to stick with, well, the sort of dictionary definition of them. Where they're in the dictionary. Or as close as we can get. Anyway, there's also asexuality, not being sexually attracted to any genders. And demisexuality, where you don't get sexually attracted generally to people you don't know or care about, but once you have an emotional bond, you can be."

"There are many different types of sexuality." Hannibal, like the old man he was, passed out a handout. "I propose we take a look at this list together. Discover if there are any that speak to you, or any that you might have questions about. We'll discuss them. You needn't reveal anything about yourself you aren't ready to, but if you would like to, you are welcome, and again - there will be no judgement."

He looked expectant.

intheeyeofthebeholding

"Right." Jon nodded to everyone (not Hannibal). "Last week we discussed gender and sexuality being a nebulous thing, so naturally this week we'll try to nail it down a bit. As much as that's possible."

"As limiting as labels can be, it can also be useful to have them to refer to," Hannibal said. "Particularly in these topics, it can be validating to have words to use to describe yourself. You needn't feel bound by any of them, of course, or you may change your mind over time or from day to day."

"We discussed gender being a social construct," Jon said. "In modern American - and British, and many other Western countries - tradition, there have been two genders for decades: male and female. Ideally, men were meant to be the ones in control, the ones earning money - although that's largely a capitalist myth; women not in the higher echelons of society have long worked for a living, but that's the story told, anyway - the heads of households, the ones going to war. Women were meant to be subservient, the ones in charge of the household, the ones raising children."

"And those children were similarly gender-delineated," Hannibal said. "Boys were meant to play with trucks, building equipment, weapons. Girls were meant to play with dolls."

"Gender essentialism is a poison administered young," Jon said darkly.

Hannibal chuckled. "On that we can agree. In any event, more recently, people have begun to rebel against it. Women have taken on more jobs and engaged in higher education in much greater numbers, and have begun to take charge. Men have begun to take on more caring roles."

"Some of them," Jon scoffed. "It's a harder sell to get men to change when the patriarchy directly benefits them."

Hannibal sighed. "As you say. In addition to challenging the existing gender roles, people have also begun challenging the existing genders; we will leave that for another week, as it deserves more proper care. For now, let us discuss the gender construct as you understand it and where you feel you fit into it."

"And what we can do to break it down," Jon finished.

sharp_man

"Today," Hannibal began, "we'll be starting with some of what sex and sexuality are. It is a varied and complex topic which could occupy the entire semester and still be argued about."

And despite the instructors' attitude toward each other, they were not actually here for arguments.

"We'll mostly be talking about modern Western concepts of it," Jon put in. "Because honestly, that's what we're most qualified to speak about. It doesn't mean other concepts are any less valid. We'll try to expose you to them, too, but it's all a bit...well, a bit fraught. More than the whole thing in general, even, because then you get into questions of colonization and appropriation and what the concepts actually mean, and -"

"And that's a topic for another day," Hannibal interrupted smoothly. Jon scowled at him, but allowed it. "Today, we will simply be defining some terms. It's useful when discussing anything to ensure that everybody using the same words means the same things. Modern Western civilization tends to see sex, gender, and sexuality in terms of binaries, although we are slowly coming around to the idea that everything exists upon a spectrum."

"Or even a...a sort of cloud of meaning," Jon interrupted in turn. "Any number of features in various degrees can make up someone's identity. But, um. So just keep that in mind."

"So, to clarify our terms," Hannibal said, "Sex refers to two things - on the one hand, the physiological differences between what this society calls male and female. Sex characteristics such as genitals, fat distribution, and so forth. On the other hand, it also refers to the act of intercourse. We'll be discussing both at different times. Gender can often be associated with sex, but does not have to be. It refers to social and cultural distinctions. The roles we assume and the identity we perform. In tradition over the last few centuries in the west, genders have been assigned based on sex, but they are not the same thing."

"And sexuality is something else entirely," Jon broke in again. "That's the idea of who you're attracted to sexually and romantically. There honestly should probably be an entirely separate section for romanticality, but they sort of get lumped together. So whether you're attracted to people of your sex and gender, other genders, no genders, or all or none of the above. Whether you want to sleep with them or be romantic with them, that all falls under sexuality."

"We'll go into more specifics later," Jon said, "but are there any questions so far, or can we just get onto the debates?"

intheeyeofthebeholding

When the students came in, they would be treated to the sight of their two instructors standing at the front of the class, one nattily dressed and smiling affably, and the other dressed stiffly professorily and scowling.

The scowling one spoke up first. "Good afternoon. I am Jonathan Sims, and this class was meant to be Queer Theory, but has apparently been made into Sex and Sexuality. Which is also a valuable course! So welcome. And I don't care what the moose says, I don't need a co-teacher."

Said co-teacher shrugged, still smiling. "But I am a doctor, both medical and psychological, so clearly I can only be an asset. Welcome, everybody. I am Doctor Hannibal Lecter. Pleased to meet you all. It seems we have a fairly small class this term, so I look forward to getting to know you."

"The first class traditionally starts with introductions," Jon broke in, "So why don't we do that? Please let us know your name and pronouns. If you feel comfortable sharing more about your own gender or sexuality, please do, but don't feel obligated."

Hannibal interrupted in turn. "As I said earlier, I am Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I use he/him pronouns, unless it's an odd weekend, in which case, I'm not fussed about them. I am pansexual and panromantic, meaning I am open to romance and/or sexual relations with any gender."

"And I am, as I said, Jonathan Sims," Jon took over. "I also use he/him pronouns. I don't tend to think in labels, but I suppose you could say that I'm panromantic and asexual. I enjoy romance with any gender, but I'm not interested in sex." If that last bit was said even more professorial and stiff than before, please forgive him; this wasn't something he generally spoke about with students.

He would have to get over that to teach this class, and Hannibal's amusement said he knew it. "If you could also share something about what you hope to gain from this class, that would be helpful." He nodded at the first student.

rebelseekspizza

"Hey guys!"

Dante was alone at the front of the class this time. "So Kathy got stuck in portal traffic, like, f-- hell, who knew that was a thing, right?"

He held up a stack of papers.

"I got your test right here," he said. "No shenanigans. So uh, have at."

spin_kick_snap

"Okay, everyone," Kathy said, leaning against the desk. "This week we're talking about sexually transmitted infections and diseases, generally referred to as STI's and STD's. We touched on some of that when we covered safer sex practices, but there is a lot more out there. And with HIV cases on the rise for people in your age group, it's important that we go over it as much as possible."

( Especially with the week they'd just had. People didn't always make the best choices during pollen week. )

"We've got a couple of videos to suggest how to talk to your partner about STI's and testing, as well as safer sex. And after that, hit us up with any questions you have - about this, about anything we've covered, and anything you still have questions about. Okay?"

"Next week's your final," Dante added, "So prepare, cram, and get ready to run the condom relay obstacle course with your fake baby!"

He was kidding.

Probably.

rebelseekspizza

"So, it's sex pollen week," Dante said, dashing into the class about five minutes late. "And I got nothin'. Use protection, kids!"

He hastily shoved a bucket full of condoms and dental dams onto the desk, gave the class a thumbs-up, and dashed back out again.

rebelseekspizza

"So hey," Dante called. "Uh, sorry about the robot babies. I mean. We're here to check in with you guys about how things went with the robot babies."

Could someone please assuage his guilt complex about being complicit in handing them the robot babies? Dante looked downright uncomfortable leaning against the desk.

Kathy slanted him an amused look. "See, Dante?" she stage-whispered. "They have all managed to survive!"

It wasn't like they'd been given Skywalker's robot babies. That would have been cruel.

"But at what cost?" Dante muttered.

Kathy's look was going to get even more pointed. "I suppose we should let them tell us, hmm?" she suggested. "So class. How was your week?"

spin_kick_snap

"So, you're probably going to get a hit of this for real in a couple of weeks," Kathy said, cradling a fake baby in her arms as it fussed a bit. "Prom usually comes complete with its own bundles of rambunctious energy for a few days. But they're all generally old enough for a bit of independence. Not like infants."

The baby's fussing turned to outright crying and Kathy turned to pass it over to Dante.

"Eugh," Dante said, holding the loud thing a little... gingerly. "So yeah, this is the start of your lessons about heterosexuality and shit. Sometimes you get babies!"

He waved the baby helplessly at them.

Don't wave the baby, Dante.

Kathy tsked. "There are plenty of queer relationships that can also result in unwanted pregnancies and childcare," she reminded. "Especially on this island." Beat. "Don't wave the baby, Dante."

Setting a bad example for the class!

"Anyway, these babies that you'll be caring for over the next week need to be fed, changed, dressed, put to bed, and, as you would for any baby, never left alone." She was just going to elide over the fact that they also kept track of how often all of those things happened - especially the 'being left alone' thing. "Unfortunately, since the class is so small, you're all going to be single parents this week. That's right, each of you get your own bundle of..." She looked at the crying doll. "...Joy."

"I just wanna say Dean Skywalker started this tradition, so if you wanna complain, you can take it up with him," Dante piped up.

He was so fucking glad he wasn't getting one of these.

rebelseekspizza

"So this world and this time likes to pretend that the only real sex and romance is between a chick and a dude who were assigned chick and dude at birth," Dante announced. "That's bullshit, obviously. See, you've got gay people, they're only into banging and being with their own gender. And you've got pan and bi people, like me. We'll do anybody." Beat. "If we're into them. 'Cause we're not into everybody. Some of us are super-fuckin' picky, actually."

( Dante was not, but let's not get into that, shall we? )

spin_kick_snap

In case you were wondering what kind of day it was in class, the big TV in front of the room should clue you in that it's a movie day!

And, in case you were wondering what kind of movie it was, the fact that one of your teachers was standing next to the TV, face buried in her hands, should clue you in, too. No. Not that kind of movie. She'd actually be cringing less if it were just porn. And also, Dante would be here, instead of being conspicuously absent.

"So...apparently, we have to spend a day on abstinence-only education," Kathy said, voice still muffled by her hands. "For...reasons. I don't know. So. We'll be watching a video. We will then be tearing the video apart because it's some absolute bullshit."

One hand pried itself away from her face to flail at the screen. "Get through the next two minutes of nonsense and then we can talk about...whatever it is I'm making you watch, I'm so sorry."

rebelseekspizza

"Hey, class!" That was a positively jaunty Dante leaning against the desk, there. Not that that was much different from usual... "So today we're kickin' off a few weeks of classes on sexual identity and shit. You know, who you're into, how you're into them, what you can do about that..." A pause. "Well, maybe not getting too graphic on that last one."

Kathy would glare at him.

They were underage, Dante! Among many, many other reasons! Still a no!

Look, Dante was having some trouble adjusting to being the adult in the room, okay?

( And sometimes, you find that you're not into anyone at all. )

"Talk to each other about it, or talk to us," Dante concluded, "Or don't talk at all. This is, like, a free space."

spin_kick_snap

Another year of Valentine's Day ridiculousness had Kathy back in the classroom sans glares at Dante. In fact, the glances she was shooting at him were downright soppy if she didn't catch herself in time and put on her professional 'teacher' face. "So last week, we had you do some research to come up with a cool ad campaign for various birth control options," she said. "Something that presented the information succinctly, but also made it interesting."

It was amazing what a well-timed trip, strawberries in all the best places, and a very large cake could accomplish. (And flowers. Lots of flowers.)

"So, today you're up," Dante said, grinning. "And no, we won't mind if you turn it into a 'fuck, why don't dudes have this shit' anti-commercial either."

ALSO LOVE, DANTE. LOVE AND APPRECIATION. C'MON NOW.

"The answer is, as per usual, systemic inequities in the medical industry," Kathy said cheerfully - the kind of cheer that you developed after an entire lifetime of seeing the wrong end of that inequity. "So get out your information and let's get going." She pointed at a student at random. "Congrats! You're up."

spin_kick_snap

"Hey, class." There were two teachers at the front of the class today. Rejoice! Or something. Either way, Dante was draped over the desk again. "So we talked about condoms a couple classes back, but we didn't, like, tackle all the birth control options. Not by a long shot." He glanced at Kathy. "And you better pay attention, 'cause we're making you research the shit out of this."

Kathy's return glance was chilly. She had been absolutely dying, and Dante hadn't even cared and everything was terrible, class, how were you? "While they're still working on advancements on hormonal birth control for people with penises, for the most part, the only option for them to prevent pregnancy is condoms. But for people with uteruses, there are a lot more options. There's the birth control pill, IUDs - though those are harder to get if you are younger, unmarried, or childless, subdermal implants, injections, and a lot more. Now, an important thing to remember is that most contraceptives do not also prevent the transmission of STI's, so it's important to double-up to protect yourself fully."

"So you can get an implant, or an IUD, or go on pills or whatever, you're still gonna want your partner to wrap up unless you guys have decided you don't care or aren't worried about the disease shit," Dante said merrily. "But it at least takes the whole kids problem off the table for a while. Uh, I think some of them also help with like... menstruation stuff?" He tossed Kathy a questioning look.

"Some of them can ease menstruation pains, or severity, or even reduce or eliminate periods altogether," Kathy agreed. "So even if you aren't sexually active now, if you have difficulty with periods, you may want to talk to your doctor or Planned Parenthood about potentially starting a round of birth control to assist with that. But definitely talk to your medical practitioner first - unusually painful and heavy periods can be a sign of something truly wrong."

"Right," Dante said, snapping his fingers. "So watch for that."

He reached out and patted a stack of papers. "Kathy made some handouts about all the different types, so grab one," he said, and hopped off the desk, snagging a piece of chalk as he walked to the blackboard. "Today, we're gonna make you all pick a type of birth control and research it. But all that hardcore info sounds kinda sterile, right?"

He was writing on the board:

IMPLANT, PROGESTIN IUD, COPPER IUD, INJECTABLES, THE PILL, THE PATCH

"So... write an ad. Make these fuckers sound cool and sexy and shit, and present it to us next week."

rebelseekspizza

"Hey, kids!"

Well, one of their teachers was here today. The one who liked to lounge on the desk, and yeah, Dante was doing a lot of lounging right now. "Kathy's kinda sick right now," he said. "And... she's the one with the syllabus, so we're just gonna wing this today."

It was gonna end well!

"So a couple classes ago, Eleanor, who is fucking awesome, talked to the class about how movie sex differs from reality," he said. "Today, we're gonna go look at this YouTube video I found of movie sex scenes, and I want you guys to make a list of all the shit that could and would go wrong if these people were actually having sex in, like, reality."

Beat.

"That's it, have fun."

spin_kick_snap

"Today, we're covering menstruation," Kathy announced, gesturing at the plastic model of the uterine-based reproductive system that was currently sitting on the desk. Was it placed in the exact spot Dante liked to lounge? Maaaybe. "Menstruation is a monthly process that most individuals with a uterus experience for about forty or so years of their lives. And yet, though 51% of the population experience this completely natural event, somehow it is still stigmatized and seen as something shameful, embarrassing, and dirty. Which," she said firmly, looking at every student, "is ridiculous."

Don't worry, Kathy. Dante was leaning back against the wall instead! "So no snickering or making ew-noises, kids," he called lazily.

What? This was not his field of expertise.

Which was why she'd sent you reference materials ahead of time, Dante! Reference materials!

"So, the uterus," Kathy continued. "We'll talk more about its intended purpose when we cover pregnancy and the parts of the reproductive systems, but it's where fertilized eggs go to develop into a fetus. For that to happen, the lining of the uterus, the endometrium, has to be thick enough for the egg to latch onto and implant itself. But if the endometrium only began to thicken when fertilization happened, it wouldn't be thick enough by the time the egg reached the uterus for the uterus to latch onto. So, instead, the lining thickens naturally throughout the month and then, due to hormone changes in the Fallopian tubes--" She gestures to those on the model as well, "--the lining begins to break down and shed, exiting through the vagina primarily in the form of blood and tissue over a span of about two to seven days. Once that old lining is gone, a new lining begins to form, and the cycle continues."

It was Dante, Kathy. Why the hell did you think he was going to read reference materials?

"And there's, like, hormones and shit happening," Dante said sagely, "So if you don't have a uterus but you wind up seeing someone who does, keep like, pain pills, blankets and food handy."

BECAUSE HE WAS A TEACHER NOW, REMEMBER? A TEACHER! TEACHERS READ AND LEARNED THINGS.

"And now we have a special activity for you," Kathy said, looking excited. "Dante found this educational board game that will help explain and familiarize you with certain concepts, including sanitary products, common myths and beliefs surrounding menstruation, and even common mood and physical changes people undergo around their cycle."

Which was why Dante was excused from reading the reference materials. Because he was trying, see?

Dante had not expected her to go along with it. He definitely hadn't expected her not to get it was a joke. But you know what? He was in this now. He was going to have to sell this. "Yeah, so, uh," he said, "Have fun with that."

...How were you so bad at this, Dante?

rebelseekspizza

As the students filed into class, they'd find one of their teachers - the one with the white hair - leaning casually against the desk as he unpeeled a banana. Dante said nothing, but he was smirking.
The pile of dental dams and condoms sitting in two neat jars next to him probably said enough about today's class topic, though.

Shocking no one, their dark-haired teacher was massaging her temples. As if she had a headache. For some reason or another.

( It was a mystery. )

"So there you go," Dante smirked. "Next week, other birth control shit. This week, have fun."

spin_kick_snap

"So," Kathy said, when everyone had assembled for class. Today, she was leaning against the desk, still trying to look teacherly in a pencil skirt and button-up blouse. "We're talking about the most important aspect of sex - and, honestly, of human interaction: consent. Consent, while it most frequently talked about in regards to sex, is applicable to your every day life. At it's most basic, consent is permission and when it comes to people, it's the permission to involve you in whatever activities are happening. Borrowing clothes, drinking alcohol, giving hugs, and, yes, having sex. Do do something with someone without their consent is a violation - both of themselves and sometimes the law. Today we're going to talk about different kinds of consent and, most particularly, the kinds of consent based around sex."

( Discussion of consent here! )

All right kids. Have at!

rebelseekspizza

This was a regular old class, so they were meeting - or at least doing their first meeting - in a regular old classroom. At the front of the class, or rather, lounging on top of the desk like it was a perfectly normal place to sit, was a tall guy in a red coat with white hair that hung over his face and down to just below his jaw. Said jaw was currently facilitating a massive grin.

"Hey kids," he announced. "Welcome to Fuc--"

The rest of what he was saying was cut off by a slim hand pressing over his mouth and their other teacher - slender, with long, dark hair and a long-suffering expression undercut by the amusement in her eyes - leaned around him to address the class. She'd been sitting behind the desk, but had given up trying to convince Dante to sit anywhere else. There were more important battles to be fought.

( Like the name of their damn class. )

The smile Kathy flashed at him was warm and proud and happy. She knew he could be serious when it mattered and she liked that this mattered. "It's also okay if you're not ready to just announce at that to the class at large. You can write it down or come talk to us individually...or, you know, stand up on your desk and announce it through a bullhorn. We wanna meet you in your comfort zone." Beat. "Dante, get off the damn desk, I didn't mean you."

"What? It's only fair if we start, right? Or is that gonna be weird?"

Dante didn't know how to do this 'being an adult' thing.

... he got off the desk.

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