fandomhigh | Entries tagged with modern world

"Apparently this is our last class of the semester," Yennefer said. Schedules were for mortals. "Luckily for you, we did not prepare an examination for you." That would have required forethought. "Instead, we thought we would help prepare you for the upcoming winter break."

"Possibly interacting with family members," Jaskier added, making a face at the thought of returning home.

"For some of you, this may be...less than ideal," Yennefer said, only not making a face at the thought of her family members by dint of long practice. "So let's discuss how to avoid them!" Step one: be banished to the barn. Wait, that was just her.

"Suggestion one: say that Portalocity delayed your portal," Jaskier suggested.

"Suggestion two: fake an emergency to which you must attend, immediately, in another room or city, depending on how long you want to get away from them for," Yennefer said.

"Suggestion three! Pretend you've forgotten the holiday entirely." Why were your teachers like this? Oh right, crapsack home universe.

"You completely lost track of time and forgot about that whole silly Christmas thing," Yennefer agreed. What? It could happen, surely. "You'll make it home next year...maybe..." Probably not.

"So!" Jaskier said, clapping his hands together. "Let's figure out an option that works for you."

ohvalleyofpenis

"The technology available here allows for a vast number if things to be accomplished," Jaskier began. "One of which is being able to communicate from a large distance with your image."

"Like xenovoxes, but better!" Yennefer said with manufactured brightness. Because who didn't know what a xenovox was? Aside from 'everyone except her and Jaskier.' "This capability is also contained within your cellular phone." Truly, it was a brick of wonders.

"So, today we shall let you experiment with the various types of this wonderful program," he added.

"There is the 'Face Time' and of course, Zoom, where one can have cocktail hours, although you must provide your own cocktails, and conference with coworkers who are far away." Yennefer's kind just used portals for that.

"And something simply called TEAMS." Yeah, Jaskier didn't know either.

"So! Find the one that your phone has, or load one on," Was that the right term? it sounded close enough, "and learn how it works. Talk about how you could use it for something other than cocktails!" Although really, why would you want to, even if you did have to provide your own alcohol?

tellmehowstuffworks

"Did you know," Yennefer asked the class, "that in this reality you don't have to cook food if you don't want to?" Pay no mind to the fact that your teachers look like they've never cooked anything in their lives anyway.

Well, they might have burned a thing over a campfire once. Maybe.

But mostly no.

"There is an application on your phone that can have food brought directly to you," Jaskier informed the class.. "which feels likes it's own sort of domestic magic."

"You don't even have to go to a tavern or retain your own servants!" Yennefer marveled. She held up her phone. "Here is how it works. You simply download the application, find the food you want to eat, select it, pay for it with the fake internet money, and then someone brings it to you!" Amazing. Also, not the most helpful tutorial in human history.

"Let's order from The Perk, shall we?" Because clearly that was on Doordash here, right?

"Yes, let's," Yennefer said. Because someone surely had nothing better to do than climb the stairs to bring them all coffees. "Don't forget to tip."

ohvalleyofpenis

Class was back in session this week. Last week, one teacher had been a plant and the other couldn't be bothered to deal with that. But this week... they had a movie. Because being a plant was very weird and Jaskier was recovering.

"Welcome back," Jaskier said, still side-eyeing his co-teacher because maybe the plant thing had been her doing. Maybe.

Yennefer had no idea what he was talking about. Okay, maybe she did. But he had been much quieter as a plant. "Today we will be watching a film about what it is like to be a modern teenager." Apparently the movie was twenty-six years old, but Yen and Jaskier were from a time when things hadn't changed as quickly, and she was reasonably certain she'd seen that yellow skirt in a shop window just last week, so it should be very applicable. Right? "You can observe how these teens interact with technology and apply it to your own lives." Oh. Oh, no.

"And how important fashion is for whatever time period you may find yourself in," Jaskier added. "Lest people think you're from a Renaissance Fair."

The face he was making? That was the face of someone who'd definitely gotten that reaction.

"Not that that has ever happened to us," Yennefer blatantly lied. "Please enjoy the film." As soon as she figured out which button to press on the remote. You would think she would have the hang of this by now...ah, there it was.

tellmehowstuffworks

"Greetings, greetings! Hopefully I won't be kicked out of my own class this time," Jaskier said with a sulky look at Yennefer.

"Don't be silly, bard. This week's lesson is something that everyone should know about," Yennefer said, smiling happily. She held up a small plastic rectangle. "Credit cards!"

"Fake money," Jaskier added. "It's nearly magic how it works. "

"This little card gives you unlimited money," Yennefer said. Then she admitted, reluctantly, "Allegedly you're expected to pay it back, but. Who cares? I'm not even from this reality, good luck with my 'credit score.'"

"And they just keep asking you to get new ones!" Guys. Seriously. "You know, if you used other names, you could always have one available."

Credit card fraud. That was credit card fraud.

"So remember, if you need easy money: credit cards! Now, let's discuss all the things we'll buy with our fake money cards."

tellmehowstuffworks

The first thing that happened at the beginning of today's class was that Yennefer turned to Jaskier and told him, "Right, you need to leave."

"I beg your pardon!" He was here to educate, how dare you.

"The information I will impart today is not for your ears, bard," Yennefer said sternly. She made it sound like she was going to be giving out the secrets of the universe, and not...how to use a tampon.

"Is this about magic or trying to kill me that one time?" Jaskier demanded. Because he'd leave in that case.

"When did I try to--it's neither, bard, it's about lady things."

Jaskier made yet another affronted noise over how much she clearly did not remember his great trauma in dealing with both her and a djinn and also blood all over his best tunic. But that outrage also allowed him to be shoved out of the room.

Also those dainty noodley arms.

( Period talk here )

tellmehowstuffworks

Jaskier was looking a touch frazzled and clutching a PSL because it was his bribe from the squirrels. He wasn't giving it up now, okay? He wasn't. "Welcome back! So lovely to have someone other than Yennefer around."

He was just asking to get smacked with magic.

Yennefer really wasn't sure why she hadn't turned him into a toad yet. "Yes, welcome back. Today's class will be on..." Yennefer paused to build anticipation, then said excitedly, "Indoor plumbing!" It was so exciting, you guys.

"Which, perhaps you're used to it. Perhaps you're not used to things smelling like shit constantly and the like, but back home for us... it can be hit or miss," Jaskier said.

"And if you want to get a bath, oof," Yennefer said. "You have to get the servants, and the servants have to heat the water, and then they have to carry the water, and then they have to carry the water to drain the tub. Here you just turn a handle and it comes out of the wall, hot! And it's not even magic. It's technology." Which was magic wearing a funny hat.

"So, let us discuss the differences this one invention has played in your lives, shall we?" Jaskier said brightly.

"How much harder would your life be without running water?" Yennefer asked. The answer was so much harder. "Discuss."

tellmehowstuffworks

"Well!" Yennefer said as she looked out over the eager sea of...three students. "Another semester has begun. Where does the time go?" No, really. She was pretty sure she'd skipped a couple of weeks somehow.

Jaskier, meanwhile, was watching her with a thoughtful look. "Well, you know how it is," he said in a terrible, just terrible Boston accent.

Look, you could all blame Kitty for this.

Yennefer stared at him for a moment, then said to the students, "If you're here to learn about getting along in this reality versus whatever mudhole you're from--" she was from a mudhole, she could say that--"you're in the right place. We are your instructors: I am Yennefer of Vengerburg, and this is...Jaskier." Ugh.

"Do you..." Jaskier, no. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"What is wrong with you?" Yennefer hissed out of the corner of her mouth. "Besides the usual."

"Well, the audience would like to know," Jaskier insisted. Wait until he did that talking head interview. "Be cool, Yennifer. This is my big break."

Bards. Honestly. Maybe if she just ignored him and acted like he was behaving normally (for once)? "This week," Yennefer told the students, "we are going to talk about something amazing this world has: vaccines!"

Jaskier went to go sit to address the camera for his talking head interview here. "I didn't really want to kiss her. I just wanted to know if she wanted to kiss me. It makes you think. Like vaccines make you think, you know?"

She was going to kill him. But after class. "For those of you who are unfamiliar, here's how it works: you go to the clinic and they poke you with a needle containing an agent against a malevolent entity known as a 'germ,' and then, and this is the incredible part, you don't die of the pox. You should try it."

doesntstophurting

"Today we're going to watch a movie about a kid who has to figure out how to function when he finds himself suddenly on his own in an unfamiliar location. What does he do right? What does he do wrong? Think about it."

If a certain cameo had been mysteriously cut out, well, oops?

doesntstophurting

"You're going to need stuff," Booker said. "How are you going to get it? Cash doesn't leave a footprint, but can you get everything you need with cash? Do you have enough cash? Do you have skills or abilities you can barter? How morally opposed are you to theft? And if you can't get what you need through any of those methods, what's your next play? How do you keep from being traced when you're ordering specialized equipment over the internet? Discuss."

doesntstophurting

"ID," Booker said. "Can you get by without it? Maybe. If you never get pulled over by the police, never cross an international border at an official border crossing, and never purchase restricted items like alcohol or cigarettes." Booker could manage two out of three of those things but the last one was non-negotiable. "Now, if the people you're hiding from are not, say, the feds, maybe you can use your own ID and not worry about it too much, but maybe, hypothetically, you really need to leave the old you behind. How are you going to do that?

"Well, you have some options. You can try your luck on the dark web, but you never know who you're talking to there. You can find someone in the real world who can provide you a fake ID, ranging from a stolen driver's license that kind of looks like you, easy to procure in a college town if you're young enough for that option, to something more...sophisticated, if you have the right contacts. Or you can try your hand at arts and crafts, which is what we're going to do today. Not...for real fake IDs. Just for fun." Which was why, in addition to a camera and printer for photos, the setup included glitter and various colors of markers. "Design the fake you of your dreams."

doesntstophurting

When the students stepped into the Danger Shop today, they would find themselves standing outside of a building with a green and white striped awning and an exceedingly long line waiting to get in. "Welcome to New Orleans!" Booker said cheerfully. Well. Cheerfully for Booker. "The French Quarter, to be exact. It's the weekend of Mardi Gras, which means this place is hopping. Why are we here? To practice getting lost in a crowd, of course. Keep an eye out for security cameras, tourists taking photos, police--and then avoid them. It's that simple. Have fun, and don't try to buy alcohol. You're underage here." And unlike the real thing, Danger Shop New Orleans would card.

doesntstophurting

"Let's talk about identification," Booker said. "Not fake IDs, because those are illegal and we'll talk about them in an entirely hypothetical manner in another class. But what you do and do not need ID for. For example, you need an ID to open a bank account. You can get around this by operating entirely in cash, which may make you look suspicious in a different way. You need ID to get on a plane, so maybe you take trains or buses or drive very carefully so you never get pulled over. What are some other circumstances in which you might need proof of your identity, and how are you going to get around that when you don't want people to know who you are? Let's talk about it."

doesntstophurting

"Let's talk about where you're going to hide out," Booker said to his students. "At least one of you mentioned camping in the woods, which is a good temporary measure--if there's literally no one around, you can't be found--but long term, it's kind of...cold and wet, and you start to miss indoor plumbing. Pretty much everywhere you can go has some drawbacks: big cities are impersonal, easy to get lost in the crowd, but they also have a lot of things like surveillance cameras, and more people means more risk of bumping into some random person you know. Small towns have less surveillance infrastructure, but someone new stands out, especially if you have something distinctive about you like, say," he gestured to himself, "an accent. So maybe you go further afield even than that, find a house in the middle of nowhere." Or a church in a village that had been abandoned because of planes landing and taking off next door all day every day. "The next best thing to camping, right? But that takes planning ahead, and it takes some skills, and you rarely get to talk to other people. So, what are you willing to put up with? What can you make work for you? Think about it."

doesntstophurting

"Let's just go over this real quick," Booker told his students. "Say you still need to stay in touch with someone--someone mentioned family last week. Family is important. Or you're going to need to get a job or something. So, this is the modern world, nobody sends letters anymore, what are you gonna do?" He held up a smartphone. "This is a tracking device. Not just the phone itself, which can track you down off pings from cell towers, but half the apps on it are tracking you at all times. And not just your location! If you doubt it, mention a specific brand while it's in your pocket and see what you have ads for the next time you open Instagram." He held up a cheap flip phone. "This can still be a tracking device, because of those tower pings I mentioned before, so you're going to want to turn it off completely between calls, and periodically destroy it and get a new one. Prepaid. Memorize the numbers you need to call, don't store them in the phone or write them down."

Booker held the smartphone up again. "This does everything except toast bread for your sandwich." The flip phone. "This makes calls and, if you learn how to manage the keys like we did in the nineties, sends texts. That's it. So, how are you going to get by without all of the things this," the smartphone, "does for you? And how are you going to explain to people why you have a crappy flip phone in this day and age? Discuss."

doesntstophurting

Booker leaned against his desk and greeted his students with, "A hundred years ago, if you wanted to disappear, you moved across the country, changed your name, and boom, you're done. But even then, that was dicey. You had documentation you were expected to have. With the railroads and steam ships, the world was a lot smaller than it used to be. You could be found. So maybe you move further. Maybe you move to Australia. The point is, you could get away. Now? It would be a nightmare." Purely hypothetically. "Cameras everywhere, photo IDs with technology that makes them difficult to tamper or replicate. Most of you are probably carrying a tracking device in your pocket right now. But we're gonna talk about how to do it.

"Standard disclaimer, nothing you learn in this class is meant to be used for illegal purposes blah blah this is all just a big creative thinking exercise, right, guys? Anyway. Let's go around the room, and everybody introduce yourself and tell me what you would take with you if you had to go into hiding tomorrow."

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Entries tagged with modern world

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

The Modern World & You, Wednesday Second Period

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

Disappearing in the Modern World, Friday, Period 4

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