fandomhigh | Entries tagged with art of bs

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Right, so somehow next week is time for exams already," Josh said. "So today you have to provide me with your three best arguments about why we couldn't possibly have a test in this class."

He smirked. "I'm not sayin' it'll work, but I want to see you try. You there," he said, pointing to a student, "Skippy. You go first."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"One of the toughest tasks when BSing in a group is to make sure everyone has an equally strong poker face and the ability to improvise," Josh said. "So today we're going to practice. I'm going to ask you a question and you're going to provide an excuse, everyone adding something, until it becomes implausible or someone ruins it by laughing or looking guilty.

"Soooo," he said, turning and glaring at the nearest student, "why did you eat the very last box of Girl Scout cookies?"

Taking Josh's Samoas was srs bsns, apparently.

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Yesterday's phone problems should have been this class's FINEST HOURS," Josh declared, sipping from his mug. "Tell me your tales of glory and what messages you sent out into the void to make life more confusing for everyone. I share with you the finest muffins and bagels in all the land."

He gestured to the pastries on his desk. "Or at leat the good ones here on the island. Anyway. Tell me about your trolling yesterday. Or make something up. Like I care."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

To: ArtofBSstudents@fandomhigh.edu
From: jlyman@fandomhigh.edu
Subject: Class Cancelled

Have you looked outside? Stay out of the creepy weirdness! No BS. Stay safe.

-JL

Josh skittered to the classroom to put up a sign there as well for any of his less technologically advanced students, then went back to hiding. He knew his strengths, dammit, and whatever was happening now was nothing he knew how to fix.

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"First of all, thanks to Kathy for taking over class last week while I was being very busy and important," Josh said. "In possibly related news, Representative Aaron Schock of the great state of Illinois, resigned from Congress on Tuesday. Now one of the great sources of BS of all time is a resignation press release, especially if criminal charges might be pending. Let's take a look at Schock's and try to break it down into real English, all right?"

Was Josh looking a little gleeful about this?

You bet your ass he was.

spin_kick_snap

"Hey," Kathy said, waving from the front of the room as everyone walked in. "So, professor Lyman couldn't be here today and asked if I could run class. I know that normally that means a movie day, but other than finding a Youtube clip of every time the Mister BSes his way out of a problem, I couldn't think of a good movie to show. Sorry about that. Umm, instead, we're going to look forward to college--which might not be on the docket for everyone, but neither is doing a press conference."

She started handing out lists of class titles on it. "Today, your job is to take one of the weirder and more esoteric classes that Fandom has offered in the past, like 'Annoy Your Teachers' or 'Don't Be Evil' or 'Prophecy' and try to convince a college acceptance board that the class offered a valuable learning experience. Feel free to make up whatever you want about the class, but it has to be something that would fit in with the class title as given. If you're not speaking, you're a member of the board and have no idea that powers, time travel, and multidimensions exist. Feel free to ask questions or challenge assertions or whatever. Okay? Does anyone have any questions before we, uhh, get started?"

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Afternoon, folks," Josh said, grinning. "I heard you had a totally groovy time over vacation, which makes my decision to stay in DC and turn into a Joshsicle much smarter. One of the keys to successfully BSing your way through life is the ability to react quickly and ad-lib in a situation without coming across like an idiot."

He sighed and pressed play on the DVD set-up in front of the class. "It's not as easy as you think," he said, "which I learned to my sorrow here, in front of a room of reporters with cameras."

They all watched Josh implode as he watched and shook his head ruefully. "So yeah, idiocy happens to the best of us," he said. "Today, you have to give a quick speech and use the words 'groovy', 'Jello', 'disco' and 'macrame' without sounding like a jackass." He grinned. "Good luck. Don't come up with any secret plans to fight inflation, okay?"

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

Some teachers try to avoid the ridiculousness of this particular week. Josh, on the other hand, taught BS. Time to embrace the theme!

"Your time has come," Josh said. "This is a week on Fandom where almost any pickup line you try on someone will work. Today your job is to pair up and do your absolute worst...and see if it works."

He arched an eyebrow. "Please, please don't make out in this classroom. I don't need to see that."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Thanks for leaving your blanket forts and suff to come to class," Josh said, still in his trenchcoat and scarf with his hands stuffed into his pockets for warmth. (No, he couldn't look more like a Washington yuppie if he'd also been carrying a copy of the Washington Post and bitching about the Metro.) "Hopefully you've all used your smooth moves to get dates to the dance tomorrow. Today we're going to riff off of the old 'this isn't cold. Let me tell you about cold' that people do when it's, frankly, ass cold outside and they're mostly trying to distract themselves from how hard their teeth are chattering."

He stomped his feet to improve circulation. "We'll make this fast, then you all can cut out early and head back to the dorms, okay?"

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"A couple weeks ago, the President of the United States gave a State of the Union address," Josh said. "And every single State of the Union includes the phrase 'the state of our Union is strong,' which is usually a completely bullshit answer. Today I'm going to give you a terrible scenario--your job is going to bullshit your way out of it in a way that would make people applaud you, even if it's only for your complete audacity."

He smiled. "This should be fun."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Right, so we have about two weeks until Valentine's Day," Josh said, "which means it's time to find a date for that dance. And BSing--used in small quantities because open and honest communication yadda yadda relationships blah--certainly helps to grease the wheels a bit at the beginning of things."

He gestured to the supplies he'd gathered. "So today I want you to make yourself a Valentine's Day card to give to someone else with words that are flattering but not so over the top that they won't think it's sincere--and then you need to present your proposal for why you'd be a great prospect as a date to the dance. And then you can eat the conversation hearts. Because conversation hearts."

He clapped his hands together. "Okay. Go."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Well, yesterday was pretty gross," Josh said, "judging by the nastiness on the ground as I walked to school today. It smells like low tide out there."

Which, ew.

"But it does give us an excellent classroom exercise today now that we're free again to not tell the absolute truth all the time." Josh sat in his desk chair and put his feet up on the desk. "Public speaking time, kids! You have ten minutes to put together your talking points, then regale the class with a five minute speech about your amazing heroics yesterday in the Rain of Eels. If you aren't speaking, your job is to come up with questions to see if you can trip them up from their stories. The art in bullshitting is to give enough embellishment to make things interesting without it being laughably implausible. But we're starting with eels that fell from the sky, so...the margin of error around here is pretty big."

He waved his hand over his head. "Okay, then. Wow me."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

"Well, you might have noticed by now that every thing you say is true, which totally sucks in a class about bullshitting," Josh said with a pout. "It's like the island was out to get me today or something. I'm feeling pretty paranoid."

Thanks for sharing, Josh.

"So this'll be an experimental class. Today, instead of bullshitting out loud, I want you to help us write a pamphlet about Fandom that would pass muster at the most boring college in a mundane world with a completely unimaginative admission reviewer. I want you to take the name of one of your other classes and make it sound, you know, not insane, and instead make it sound like a class any jerk in Indiana, the world's most cursed state, would also take." Josh shrugged. "Bonus points if you can make Pinkie Pie seem normal. And....go."

professor-lyman.livejournal.com

Josh, dressed in a navy blue suit with a light blue tie, was up at the front of the room leaning casually against his desk. "Hello everyone, and welcome to the Art of BS, which as far as classes being taught this semester is probably the second most useful after how to adult correctly."

Because really, who needs ethics. Josh worked in politics.

"As it is the first day of class, introductions are standard, but I want to see what level of natural bullshitting ability I'm working with, so your job today is to introduce everyone else. All you'll have to work with is their name and what they're wearing. Make up a plausible backstory for as many of your fellow students as you'd like. I'll also be playing along, to show you how professional-grade BS looks. I'm Josh Lyman, and I've worked for two presidents as well as several members of Congress, so believe me when I tell you I can bullshit with the best of them."

He pointed at random. "You. Skippy. Give us your name, then find another student to introduce to us all."

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Entries tagged with art of bs

The Art of BS, Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Art of BS, Thursday, April 9, 2015

The Art of BS, Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Art of BS, Thursday, March 26, 2015

The Art of BS, Thursday, March 19, 2015, 4th period

Art of BS, Thursday 4th Period

Art of BS, Thursday, March 5, 2015

The Art of BS, Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Art of BS [Thursday, February 12, 2015, 4th period]

The Art of BS [Thursday, February 5, 2015, 4th period]

The Art of BS [Thursday, January 29, 2015]

The Art of BS [Thursday, January 22, 2015]

The Art of BS, Thursday, January 15, 2015, 4th period

The Art of BS [Thursday, January 8, 2015]

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