fandomhigh | Entries tagged with netflix

"Has a computer ever made you feel judged?" Vanessa asked. "Well, it can!" Boy, could it ever.

"You watch five shows about people having litters of children and suddenly Netflix thinks you have a fetish," Wade said, tossing his hands up in the air. "It was research, okay? It was research."

"And then there's the 'are you still watching?' screen, but that's another story," Vanessa said. "So, let's talk about what you should do when the algorithm is judging you. You could watch other, more worthy stuff to get better recommendations, for example, but that's letting the algorithm win. It's better to own your shame!"

Wade nodded next to her in full agreement. "Double-down on it. Make that algorithm your bitch."

"Watch even more shows about having litters of children!" Wait. Vanessa turned to Wade and hissed under her breath, "We're not having a litter."

"It was a worst case scenario!" Also, the drama was great.

"Anyway," Vanessa said. "What would you do to show that algorithm who's boss?"

stickitupmyjinx

Today, there were snacks. Quite a lot of snacks. "Eventually, despite having lost all sense of time or the outer world as you click 'next episode,' you're going to get hungry," Vanessa said. "And you don't want to like, die, but you also don't want to have to stop your show and get up and actually go make food. What do you do?"

"Ordering food is a good option, but what if you're watching a baking show and just want Mary Berry's sweet, grandmotherly embrace," Wade added. "What then?"

"You have a couple of choices, and one of them is to set the oven on fire while attempting to replicate a Bakewell tart." Not that that had ever happened to anyone in this room. "Know your skill level, people. Another option is to plan ahead and procure appropriate snacks in advance."

Wade sighed, thinking back in the great Bakewell Tart fiasco of 2017.

"So, let's pick some shows and match them to food. Like a fine wine." Which no one in the room understood. Least of all the teachers.

"Pick a snack, find a show that goes with it. Or vice versa," Vanessa instructed them. "We're not picky here." Obviously.

stickitupmyjinx

If you didn't have some kind of personal internet device, it was okay! Today's class was meeting in the computer lab. See, sometimes your teachers could sort of plan ahead.

Sort of.

"Let's talk about--" if Vanessa looked wildly desperate for a moment, pay it no mind. They totally had this planned out! They swore. "Genres! Let's talk about genres."

"Are you a romcom person? Or a true crime person? Depressing and highbrow documentaries or reality tv?" Wade continued, yes anding like a motherfucker. "Or maybe you have no taste and just watch whatever this hellish algorithm suggests for you."

"Sometimes the algorithm goes haywire and recommends a bunch of shows about cars," Vanessa said. Or that might be because they were still using the guy who'd lived in their apartment before them's account. She didn't know. "Then you have to wrestle the algorithm into submission. But that's another class! This class is for thinking about what genre is right for you."

"So, let's help you help us help you narrow it down," wade continued. "And if you can't figure it out at all, we found you a flowchart. That we made."

"Take your time, work through the flowchart, check out the different genres on Netflix, and then tell us what you're watching," Vanessa instructed. "Or don't, because you're already two episodes deep and sinking fast."

captainskullpoopl

The classroom was set up with a TV that may or may not have been stolen from elsewhere in the building. It was really sort of up in the air. Probably best to air on the side of 'that shit stolen', though.

"Welcome to our bullshit class that we're honestly surprised even got approved. I mean, wow. The creative bankruptcy in this idea is right up there with rebooting old TV shows on Netflix," Wade said.

"But, I mean, the paperwork was stamped by a moose, so what do you expect?" Vanessa asked. "Honestly, guys, we just want to keep our paychecks. We've got a wedding to pay for. But lucky for you, that means a summer in the air conditioning watching TV. The best of all possible worlds. So, today, we're going to teach you how to set up your account and--no, I'm just kidding. We're going to teach you how to get someone else to give you their password so you can save your coins." It was a very important skill.

"Or steal it from them with your skills at seduction," Wade suggested. "We stole ours from the cop who used to live next door. I wonder what he's doing these days..."

Probably dragging a vault down a street in Brazil via tandem driving with his girlfriend's brother he was also in love with. You know. Normal things. "I don't know, but I know his cover ID's credit card stopped working," Vanessa grumped. Hence having to pay for their own wedding. "Anyway, remember, any tactic is okay. Seduction. Threats. Begging and citing how broke you are this month and you'll totally only use it for a little while. But not bribery, because remember, the point is to not pay for it."

"So!" Wade clapped his hands before rubbing them together. "Let's roleplay--not that kind--and you can see if you're able to con Netflix out of your classmates somehow."

"If you don't already have a password, that's okay, just make one up. But if you do have an account and don't share the real password with your friend in need, then what kind of a monster are you, really?" Vanessa asked. "Now go, roleplay. But seriously, keep your clothes on."

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Netflix 101, Monday

Netflix 101, Monday

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