Fandom High School

"Good morning!"

Jim was exceptionally chipper this morning. Whether or not this was a good thing was up to the beholder, really. ( Cut for Jim. )

He thwacked the blackboard with a ruler. "I wish you good luck."

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"Good morning, kids!"

Not only was Jim in a good mood, Jim was also decked out in a TROUT! cap, a t-shirt that read I ♥ TROUT, and he was wheeling a monitor with a webcam on top into the room. "Today, we're going to be talking about wisdom, so perk up your eager little ears and pay attention!"

He turned towards the class, and beamed broadly. "Now, I know, we all know how to shoot our blasters and dodge cows and the general circumference of the universe, but sometimes, you just can't make it on your own. Sometimes, your problems are so horrible, so despicable, so outrageously, mind-bogglingly, staggeringly UNGOOD that you must take a leap of faith and ride your quest down to a figure of ultimate unending smarts!"

He winked at the class. "You should take this from me, kids, I have four hyper-intelligent brains!" Most of which were currently contemplating pie. "Now I realise you must all be thinking, 'Yes, mister Jim, but who would be such a bounty of infinite wisdom?'. That's an interesting question, class, and it's very easy to answer."

He had to slam the 'on' button on the television a couple of times before the image kicked in.

The giant furry fish on the other side was a little busy reading. It took him a few moments to-- "Oh, hello, kids. I didn't see you there."

"The GIANT, fur-bearing TROUT!" Jim said, his voice reaching pitches of such enthusiasm that it would probably break meters. "Share with us your wisdom, oh furry bearer of cosmic knowledge! SHARE IT!"

The trout digested this request. "Alright," he drawled, "Just let me flip my soyburgers..."

Jim's fingers were positively wriggling with delight.

"Ask good questions, students! Those who flow with the waters of the trout shall perservere!"

"Jim? I trademarked that."

"Oh, sorry."

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"Gooood morning, children," Jim greeted the class, in classic upbeat fashion. "Today? Cows!"

He had a preoccupation, yes. As did the farmland area that the Danger Shop had adopted as its form du jour, featuring a herd of cows that was truly stellar in size.

"...And plans. Planning is a very important part of exacting justice across the universe," he said, holding up a finger, "Because you don't want to end up caught stuck between the Dangerous Zone of Great Danger and a black hole without some kind of 'plan'." He made the airquotes accordingly. "Make sure you have a lot of these 'plans', because things never really go the way you want them to go. And remember always, always-- have a plan B."

He took out his (still simulated) blaster. "EAT! DIRT!"

One of the cows got pulverized in the ensuing onslaught. He spun the blaster, blew the complete lack of smoke from the barrel, and shoved it back. "Buuuuut there's always the hope it won't get to that." He didn't sound too hopeful about it, really. "For today's assignment, you have to plan. And work as a team. My suggestion is you find someone who compliments your strengths, weaknesses, and makes a mean omelette just in case you and your little buddy get a little hungry travelling through the universe."

He brushed away a tear. "I MISS PETER."

And composed himself. "--Anyway, we're under attack, so pick a cow or two, herd them down over towards that catapult over there, and launch them. Trust me, you'll find it's great thinking ahead later!"

It wouldn't be.

[ ocd up! ]