Fandom High School

Just one person at the front of the class today, and it wasn't the god of thunder. (Ha.) Instead, you got Don, beaming at his phone as he swiped through the pictures of tiny Thor Liliana had sent him.

When he noticed that the gang was all here, he put the phone away and said, "Good morning. Jane had to deal with a thing." He had not been apprised of what the thing was, but also considered it not his business. "So instead you get me, and I thought we could talk about whether you've ever considered what the gods were like as children. Thor turns out to have been surprisingly difficult to keep alive...or maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. Some gods were maybe never children to begin with, of course, but most of them were born in some fashion, which means they were, so...yeah. What would those tantrums look like?"

I did not have tantrums.

"I wasn't talking about you."

"This week we want to talk to you about what you should do if you, as a mortal, are faced with the possibility of getting involved with the gods," Don told the class. "And, uh, we came to a pretty clear conclusion." He glanced over at Jane. Take it away, god of thunder!

"Don't. Maybe don't?" Jane ventured. "It's a lot."

Her words were underselling it, but her expression? Less so.

Don nodded his agreement. "Just don't," he said. "You never know what's going to happen. You could become an actual god." He gestured to Jane. "You could be erased from reality entirely." He gestured to himself. "You could be impregnated by whatever Zeus decided to be that week. So just don't." To Jane, he added, "Present company excluded, of course."

"Not planning on going anywhere near Zeus," Jane replied, still iffy on if he was real back home or not. "So, that's the solid advice we're giving you all this week. Even if they're really nice and good looking. Remember the risks involved."

Hopefully no one had seen Thor shirtless to ruin this entire lesson.

No, you had suddenly remembered you had a class to teach tomorrow after a week of vacation and a few other things occupying your mind and texted your co-teacher, Class??? at like 11 PM last night. You know. Hypothetically.

Fortunately, there was a topic ready at hand.

"This week is Halloween," Don told the students, "the time when the veils between the worlds of the living and the dead are at their thinnest, and all things spooky reign. Also, candy."

"Mostly candy," Jane agreed. "But we'll be talking about the goddess of death from the Norse pantheon, Hela! Who the mythology books say is Loki's daughter, but back home she's Thor's older sister who was locked up."

Jane's expression said a lot about her opinions on Odin's parenting skills.

"She's--no," Don said, very intelligently, to that. "No, she's not." Thor could not handle any more surprise relatives right now, Jane. He was still processing Frigga not being his mom and Don being real. "She was raised by Loki...and also she was originally an Infinity Stone." What? Infinity Stones didn't become people in your reality? Weird.

"What?" No, no, go back and explain the Infinity Stone thing, Don. "No, she's definitely Odin's. You don't get that messed up without him."

Look, she wasn't around her Thor and didn't need to pull her punches about his shitty dad.

Don's Thor could hear her, though, and he was...conflicted, but that wasn't the point. Neither were the first several things Don almost said in response to Jane, because she wasn't wrong, was the thing, but Don was still pretty sure Hela was not Odin's daughter where he was from. "Anyway, the point is, Hela. Goddess of death. It makes sense that most pantheons have some kind of god or goddess of death or the underworld, because everything dies, eventually. But they tend to be kind of bitches about it. Hela, for instance, will go on kicks of coveting certain souls and trying to get them to hurry up and get to her faster via...curses, unleashing monsters on them, wild schemes with Loki, you name it."

Jane couldn't find much fault in that either, honestly.

"In Norse mythology... and possibly real life all things considered... the souls of the dead who die in battle go onto Valhalla, not to Hela. Who rules over Helheim with all other souls." Because everyone always be fighting, folks.

"So if you can die in battle you definitely want to do that, not just because Valhalla is a big party but because then you don't have to deal with Hela." Don realized, "This probably wasn't supposed to be the moral of our class. Uh, don't die if you can help it. How's that instead?"

"And have some candy!" Jane added. Because they'd brought a good amount to share with the class. Mmmm. Pumpkin shaped Reeses.