Fandom High School

There was something written on the board when students arrived for class today.

villainous monologues

"Now, some of you all might have experience with this subject," Deadpool said. "Either giving or receiving. Possibly dirty."

He didn't judge your kinky ways! Much.

"You know how it is, their nefarious plan is mere seconds from completion and they have the plucky hero right where they want him. And they just wanna lord over 'em. It's slightly less expensive than therapy or comic book collecting. Which, as we all know, is only one step down from crack."

He held up a comic book. "Deadpool volume 2, issue 41 is available August 10th!"

Helpful.

"Enough shameless self promotion! Partner off," he demanded. "One of you will be the babbling villain and the other the helpless hero. And of you really want to get into character, try shouting a lot. It's the super cool thing to do! Just ask Doctor Doom. Though, with him, it could be an unfortunate speech impediment..."

The classroom was perfectly normal when everyone arrived. Desks, chalk board, that weird projector thing hanging out in the back... normal. And it was gonna damn well stay that way.

"Hello and welcome to Talking is a Free Action, kids. Today we're gonna start at the beginning with introductions," Deadpool said, emphasizing the word with spirit fingers. "Yeah, yeah. You've been doing it ever since you arrived here, but have you been doing it right?"

Well, kids. Have you? Didn't think so.

"Say you've busted onto the scene with a dramatic pose and witty one liner, but no one there recognizes you in all your inherent awesomeness." Which had totally never happened to him. "So, what do you do then? You make 'm know about you with good marketing."

A beat.

"It also helps if you have a good writer at the time. Damn you, Way."

Frat boy razzum frazzum...

"Ooo, try starting out with your name and a catchphrase. I'm Deadpool, the merc with a mouth. It gives you a taste and leaves you wanting more. Another example would be Wolverine whose catchphrase is 'I'm the best at what I do and what I do isn't very nice,'" he added. "But that leads us into what I call The Meatloaf Conundrum. Where we're all left wondering what that really means. What is it that he wouldn't do for love? Why has science not solved this mystery? Curse you, Reed Richards!"

...moving right along.

"Aaaanywho. I want you all to find a classmate and introduce yourself with a witty catchphrase. Find multiple classmates for extra credit! You need to build buzz or else you'll just be another Adam dollar sign ampersand little at symbol star ing X. And no one wants that."