Fandom High School

"Right, um. So...thank you for showing up," Jon began. "I hope this class has been...educational."

He doubted it, but he hoped.

"This weekend is Pride in Fandom, so I thought...well, it's wrong to speculate on people's sexual and gender identities. It's up to them if they want to...to come out, or anything. But I thought we could discuss other things about the people who are awful to those who do support Pride. Which might go back to, um. That awful man that died a few weeks ago. Or to the fact that so many who declaim that gay or trans people are bad, are projecting their own depravities. So, um. Discuss, I suppose."

Jon brought out the liquid kind of tea and got his own cup, trying not to fidget too much.

"I, um. I would like to apologise for last week. But I...well. Never mind. Anyway. This week, a man died. Which would normally fall under news rather than gossip, but the man in question was a horrendous piece of work and enjoyed being nasty to people, so why don't we gossip about how awful he was? I've brought a list of reasons if you need them.

"Or you can gossip about the other major news in this country this week, which is a former American president being indicted for being an idiot. And also a traitor. Or take your pick of royals gossip, because there's always plenty of that."

"Right." Jon sighed. "I hope that gossiping about dead people counts for this...thing. Apparently today is the anniversary of Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday" to the American president and further fueling rumors they were having an affair. One of many of his, apparently."

He grimaced. "Or if you choose, feel free to gossip about the woman who wore that same dress to the Met Gala last year and damaged it."

How was he supposed to grade gossip, anyway?

"Right, um." Jon shrugged. "I have no final exam for you. As a thank you for attending, I've brought tea and pastries from the Perk for everyone, and you can...I don't know...pretend this is the class Tahani thought it was."

You could gossip. Go for it.

Jon was looking a bit rough and out of it today, but he pulled himself together as well as he could and passed out honest-to-goodness handouts.

"Today I thought we'd see something of what tea has meant to other people. So here is a selection of quotes about tea from people all over the world and over time. Let's look at them, discuss any you particularly like or disagree with, and maybe say what tea means to you."

He rubbed a hand over his face and nodded at the list. "Discuss, I suppose."

Jon was a bit fidgety today, but he was doing his best, and hopefully today would at least be a little more interesting than watching tea grow?

"I believe I've mentioned before that tea was largely spread to western Europe, the UK especially, through...well, some pretty awful Imperialism. Not that any Imperialism is good, but I suppose there are degrees of awful. Which is to say, actual wars have been started for the sake of ensuring the Empire would have access to its tea."

He frowned disapprovingly. "In the mid nineteenth century, the British felt the Chinese were being unfair in only taking silver instead of British goods in trade. Apparently they decided the solution to this was to smuggle enough opium into China to pay for their tea, rather than dealing in good faith. When the Chinese tried to push back, the British went to war. 20,000 lives were lost in the conflict, but at the end, they had their tea."

Look, Jon enjoyed tea well enough, but some things were a bit excessive.

"The British and French did it again a little later, too. So, let's drink tea and discuss the evils of Imperialism and capitalism."

Jon rushed in just in time and nodded to the students. "My apologies. There was an, um... Never mind. I brought a movie. About tea."

Maybe it would be less likely to put the students to sleep than Jon was.

Jon sent out a message to his students today:

I understand this week is difficult and the thing to do is probably cancel? I suppose I recommend chamomile if you want a tea recommendation. It's supposed to be calming.

Jon nodded to the students. "Today we'll start with a bit of the background of tea. First of all, a lot of what we call tea isn't actually tea. Proper tea comes from the Camellia sinensis plant, which is an evergreen native to East Asia. We can track tea drinking back to at least the third century in China, and it was brought to Europe in the sixteenth."

Was this starting to sound more like an academic dissertation than useful information? Look, Jon was a researcher. He did his best.

"It's the second most popular drink in the world, after water. It's still grown widely in Asia, but also now in Africa, and in other places to a lesser extent. It's all largely the same plant, but there are a number of different sorts, mostly divided by how it's processed and aged. The two most common are black tea, which is wilted and fully oxidized leaves, and green tea, which is unwilted and unoxidized. There's also white, yellow, oolong, and Pu'er.

"After that, the next difference is in how it's packaged - loose leaf, tea bags, compressed, bottled, or, erm, instant." You could probably hear the disgust in his voice. Look, he was awful with tea, but even he had standards. "We won't be covering that one. Apparently even soldiers who got it in rations hated it, if that tells you anything." And that was saying something.

"Next, sometimes there are flavors added in - like Earl Grey, which has bergamot in it. Mint, cinnamon, and ginger are also popular. Sometimes different types of tea are combined. And then of course, there's how you fix it. Sugar, milk, lemon, honey - there are a number of possible additions."

He was probably boring the students now, wasn't he? Damn.

"So...erm. I hope you'll all speak up with any questions. And - oh! I have samples, so you can see what black tea and green tea look like, and I've got pictures of the others and some leaves and...I'll just put those up."

He fiddled with the computer to show the pictures. "But anyway, if you have questions. Or a favorite tea. Let us know."