fandomhigh | Entries tagged with management theory

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

"It is time for your final examinations!" Yzma cackled over the sound of crashing thunder. She was really pulling out all the stops for the last class, yeah.

"Today you will encounter a series of scenarios that managers so often face! " she told them. Except that no sane manager ever would, no.

"If you answer correctly, you will progress to the next question! If you answer incorrectly, you will drop through a trap door and be forced to fight an aquatic animal! And then move on! Assuming you are not eaten, of course."

She clapped her hands together and the Danger Room shifted. "Begin!"

Current Mood: devious

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

Yzma, thank God, had not been visited by tiny children from alternate dimensions. That meant she'd spent all of her time working on her lesson plan.

Okay, not really.

"Hello!" she boomed at the class as they arrived in the traditional lab coats and awesome hats. "As managers, we are entitled to certain perks that mere minions are not! Such as office supplies!"

That's also called "petty theft," children. Details.

She clapped her hands and the room shifted. At one end there was now a closet with a door labeled "office supplies."

And everyone had a briefcase next to them.

"Your task today is to fit as many office supplies into your briefcase in five minutes as you can, then come out of the closet without attracting suspicion," she proclaimed as thunder clapped behind her. "Begin!"

Current Mood: innocent. really.
Current Music: The Boob Fairy - Deirdre Flint

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

Yzma was back and thoroughly uninterested in talking about how she'd gotten stuck as a kitten for two weeks, thank you very much.

The students might notice that only half of them were wearing spiffy lab coats and hats. The other half--horrors!--were clad in hairnets and paper hats.

"Today we will be working in fast food!" Yzma said. "Dealing with peasants is very important blah, blah I don't believe that, no one should...but everyone, even peasants, need food." She made a face. "Apparently. So! Half of you will be customers! Make your order as complicated as possible! Demand pizza even though this is clearly a sandwich shop! Ask for only 17 ice cubes in your drinks! People in hairnets! Serve the peasants as passive-aggressively as possible without them calling for your manager! Excellent!"

Thunder cracked behind her as she laughed.

Current Mood: amused

always-damp.livejournal.com

Like every other week, the entrance to the Danger Shop was special and filled with levers and exciting rides for the students of Yzma's Management Theory class.

Unlike other weeks, there was still just a TA at the front of the room, and this week he had a big projector, screen, and folding chairs set up to view it.

"So like, Miss Yzma is still under the weather in a kitten-ish state. I found this movie in the common room and totes think it goes perfect with our class topic. Basically, if you're a shitty manager, be aware that your employees could revolt, hold you hostage and take over your business. Also, Dolly Parton has the most awesome boobs ever. Enjoy!"

Toby took a seat in the back and the room darkened to show ~~meta for~~ Nine to Five in all its glory.

always-damp.livejournal.com

The Danger Shop was ready with the usual levers and slides and awesome uniforms as like any Yzma-led week, but when they arrived at their destinations there was just Toby, the TA. Oh, and a slight glitch in the Danger Shop program.

But hey, Toby could so do this. He was the sub, in charge of like, making sure class went smoothly despite Miss Yzma's unfortunate kitty-cat take on life. "Hey guys! Miss Yzma is a kitten this week, so I'm gonna like, lead the class in her place. How awesome is that?" Toby was super excited for the opportunity. "She didn't have like, a syllabus, so I decided we should learn about staff motivation." Someone should be taking pictures of the magically nearly-coherent Toby. It could be like a Nessie sighting.

"All managers need, like employees under them, right? So how do we pick the right staff members for our needs? Well, we figure out a description of what we want them to do and make sure they can do it, duh! Like when I got hired by the beyond awesome Miss Bell, she needed someone smart who had good taste at Pixie Dust and I am so totes that. But on top of it, I also met her need of having pretty employees who could up-sell to customers, so it was like a two-for-one deal. And then she motivated me to do an awesome job by offering discounts, absinthe, and the opportunity to set stuff on fire. But like, before that, in Dante's Cove I was a bartender and I was so totally unmotivated. The guy who owned the bar was a jackass and way too touchy for my tastes. He didn't pay that well, either so I tended to like, slack off and not get much done when there was down time without customers. So how would you motivate someone who's not interested in their job? How would you wanna be motivated as an employee?"

Toby was almost making sense here, but he got the feeling he was talking a lot. "Anyways, let's talk about motivation and what work-" Toby was interrupted by a bucket of green slime falling from above onto his head. "WHAT IN THE HELL?" Toby looked all around himself, wondering what had just happened and why. "OMM this is so like, totes embarrassing. You dudes start talking about motivation and I'll be over here with a towel!"

[THE WORD OF THE DAY IS "WORK"! Say it and mod your own SLIME!]

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

"One of the most important parts of being a manager is choosing someone to be your flunky...er minion, I mean ASSISTANT. Yes. Assistant," Yzma said, pacing around the Danger Room.

"They do the parts of your job you don't want to: picking up dry cleaning, talking to people on the phone..." She clapped her hand and a movie screen scrolled out of nowhere. "There is a marvelous instructional video on how to be an effective manager called ~~meta for~~ The Devil Wears Prada. After we've watched the good parts, you will have an assignment!"

Thunder cackled ominously. "Won't that be wonderful?"

Current Mood: devious

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

"Accessorizing is crucial for an effective manager!" Yzma proclaimed. "And the most important accessory to have is a weapon that no one else knows you have!"

Cackling, she yanked up her dress to show the knife sheath strapped to her thigh. Behold! Scrawny old lady leg! You lucky, lucky students.

She clapped her hands and a variety of, sadly, rubber weapons clattered into a pile in the corner. She was really hoping someone would be able to hide the enormous bazooka somewhere on their body. "You will have five minutes to accessorize yourselves properly," she proclaimed, waving her hand in the air and causing a portable changing room to appear, "and then you will come out and we shall all guess how many accessories you're wearing! Won't that be fun!"

Depends on your idea of fun, Yzma...

Current Mood: giggly

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

Today, when the students arrived, they would find Yzma wearing the same charming goggles and lab coat ensemble as the rest of them.

"Sometimes," she began, "traditional means of getting your point across to the clearly inferior--talking, yelling, kicking them with pointy shoes--simply do not work! Sometimes they will not let you win at shuffleboard and make fun of your hair!" She coughed. "Not that that has happened to me. Sometimes you have no choice but to resort to...CHEMISTRY!"

She cackled madly as thunder pealed and a cabinet full of pink vials opened up behind her.

"It is difficult to win at shuffleboard when you don't have opposable thumbs!" she giggled to herself.

"Pair up, and make sure you each take a vial. One person drinks the vial--or drops it on the floor, it doesn't really matter--and the other person observes what happens! Then switch!"

Somehow she didn't think the second person would be all that anxious to drink the potions after they observed what happened.

"All effects--if there are any--will wear off before class is over! And no taking potions out of the class with you."

And this was a totally effective management technique where she came from. Yzma's country was odd.

Current Mood: devious

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

"Today," Yzma began, stomping in front of the students, "we learn the important task of taking out the garbage!"

She clapped her hands and enormous, slightly llama-shaped burlap sacks appeared before them. "It is vital when you are in management that certain tasks be completed by you personally because minions will only screw them up and not check to make sure the garbage is completely dead--"

Huge, false smile. "I mean disposed of! Yes! Disposed of!" She pulled a map out of midair. "You are here," she said, pointing to a place that was marked with a convenient X. "You need to get here." Another X. "Pick up your bags and get rid of your garbage! Which is not particularly llama shaped!"

She paused. "You may hum your own theme music if you wish."

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Find Me By Your Side - Dwyer

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

When the class was assembled before her, Yzma began her customary stalking back and forth. "There are times when you are in a position of leadership that you will have to deal with stupid, ungrateful people who steal cov--" she coughed. "Who steal things. Like ideas. And office supplies. Which is wrong. But you should not kill them immediately!"

She waved her hand and a slew of giant hammers appeared in a corner. "You should learn the importance of healthy and productive stress relief. And then go kill them, when you have your alibi in order."

What a good teacher she was.

"So! Take a hammer and break some statues!" It's probably better not to look too closely at the faces on those statues. They might look familiar.

Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

Yzma, as always, was ready to pace before the class as soon as they all arrived properly attired.

"One of the most important ways to prove your management potential," she overenunciated, "is by planning and correctly pulling off a party!"

She threw her hands into the air. On cue, confetti fell from the sky. She nodded her head. "Today, you will pair up and plan proper party!" She held out a hand. A party hat materialized out of nowhere. "In this hat, there are many suitable party themes. You must come up with the food you will serve, the attire your guests must wear, and most importantly, how to stop losers from attending!" She gazed around at the students. "You have fifteen minutes!"

Nice and reasonable of her.

"The rest of the time you will be working the rope line," which magically appeared in the corner when she pointed to it, full of people who all looked suspiciously like an emperor she used to work for, "explaining to the losers why they aren't on the list."

During a day when many students were compelled to tell the truth. This should be good.

Current Mood: irritated

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

After the students found themselves down in the Secret Lab, wearing their hats and lab coats, Yzma began pacing before them.

"Today," she said, "we will perfect our yelling at minions technique. There is no use being in charge if there aren't any cowering minions, am I right?"

She didn't wait for anyone to tell her she was right.

"Today's scenario: your minion was supposed to take care of a very simple task of removing a body--" she coughed, "of water...from a table. Yes! There was a spill on a valuable antique and now there is a horrid water stain! Pair up and take turns giving each other a piece of your minds! If you don't make the other person cry, I shall turn you into a sheep."

She probably wouldn't do that.

Current Mood: annoyed

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

After the class was assembled in their oh-so-stylish labcoats and hats, Yzma raised her hands grandly. "Today," she announced, "we will work on speeches! A good manager must be able to inspire others with their words and dramatic gestures. Borrowing from great speeches--" by which she meant stealing outright, "inspire your fellow classmates!"

She gestured to Toby to hand out numbered placards. "As each student gives their speech, you shall judge them!" she declared gleefully, then pointed one incredibly long fingernail towards a student. "You! Begin!"

Current Mood: chipper

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

When the students arrived (past the levers, down the roller coaster, into the lab coats, et cetera), they would find Yzma resplendent on a giant throne. Toby was next to her, shirtless and shining and way too excited about their uniforms still.

"First impressions are very important in management," she told them as she gazed way, way, way down upon them. "Today, you will work on the way you walk into a room." She clapped her hands and a doorway appeared out of thin air next to the students. She clapped again and a rack of swooshy capes in various colors appeared next to it.

"Take the cape and walk through the door!" she announced grandly. "If you do it correctly, you will be rewarded with a crack of thunder! If you do it with less than absolute authority, you will hear a different noise. And then I will turn you into a cow."

She probably wouldn't do that second bit.

She pointed at a student at random. "You there!" Like she was going to learn their names. That's why they were in uniforms. "Begin!"

Current Mood: cranky

saveonpostage.livejournal.com

Yzma might have had a little fun working with the Danger Room.

To get to class, the students had to pull a lever, which dropped them through a hole in the floor into a roller coaster car, where they were attired in white lab coats, black goggles and gloves, and awesome blue skull caps with a little blue tassel on the top of them.

Yzma was waiting for them, similarly attired.

"Hello, my minions!" she ~~cackled~~ cried, waving them towards rickety little desks. "Welcome to management theory! Before coming here I ran a country for many, many years," even if she hadn't technically been emperor, but details, "and so I will have much to teach you."

She spun on one incredibly pointy heel. "If I find you worthy, of course." She pointed a gloved finger at a student. "You! Name, favorite appetizer, and largest number of people you have bossed around!"

She'd also be on the ~~prowl~~ lookout for the dimmest boy she could find to be her assistant.

Not that she missed Kronk. At all. Or his stupid spinach puffs.

Current Mood: giddy

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Entries tagged with management theory

Management Theory [Tuesday, April 21, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, April 14]

Management Theory [Tuesday, April 7, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, March 31, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, March 24, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, March 17, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, March 10, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, March 3, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, February 17, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, February 10, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, February 3, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, January 27, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, January 20, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, January 13, 4th period]

Management Theory [Tuesday, January 6, 4th period]

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