Fandom High School

The teacher was actually there today which might come as a surprise for the class. It certainly was for him.

"Oh, c'mon, I wanted to go to the bar."

Well, tough titties, Wade.

"I'm getting super day drunk after this," he informed the class and the narrative. "I hope you all do too. But not with me because I don't like most of you enough for that and there are probably rules or something."

Sure. That was possible.

He clapled his hands together now that that was settled. "Okay, so i hope you all caught the million extra water type this past week. If not... you better get your sober asses out there and do it now. Bonus points if you catch me a beer."

Teacher of the year, our Deadpool.

Class was outside today because Deadpool didn't give a shit about potential thunderstorms. This was more important than that.

"So, if you kids played last week, you'd know that this shit just got real. Gen 2 came out and I don't know any of them, but they're pretty fucking adorable," he said. "Except this creepy as fuck Wooper. I just don't trust this guy."

A beat.

"Or girl. Because we have genders for our fictional monsters now. God, I hope this ends up traumatizing us with hybrids."

He was an awful person.

"Yep!" Deadpool agreed brightly, pulling out an umbrella that he brought just for himself. "Alright get to catching. Show off which is the cutest one. But you'll be wrong either way because the cutest one is the friendships we've made along the way. And a Furret. God they're so cute."

This week, the class was at the park. Which was a gym. But not at the gym, because it was only a gym in the fashion of getting healthy and all that shit.

Which. You know. Whatever floats your boat.

"Man, I should have done this class in the summer," Deadpool muttered. "Sunburns for all of you."

He was a great teacher like that.

"So, today is about forcing the creatures you have captured and shoved into tiny balls to fight until they are beaten into unconsciousness. Isn't this a wholesome game?" It was not. "Plus side, you can earn some fake game money."

Yeah, that made it better.

"It's like a Japanese dog fighting ring. Now get bloodthirsty so I can be entertained."

He had already claimed the gym for Instinct with a level 10 Magikarp just chilling as the only threat or chance to boost the gym reputation.

There was no teacher today. Instead, there was a note on the door.

Killing folks for the Benjamins! Making money elsewhere because weddings aren't cheap. Go catch more worthless Pokémon in the meantime. Fuck you, Rattatta.

Didn't you all feel like you picked the right class?

"You showed up again!" Deadpool said, putting hands together against his chest like this was some precious moments shit right here. "Maybe. I don't know. I'm not supposed to 'mod' you or something."

Yeah, those were finger quotes in there too.

"But now that we've established team loyalty, it's time to get you lazy asses walking to hatch some goddamn eggs for me. And you, I guess. If you've found any. But I really don't care about that."

He really, really didn't. It's what made him so believable as a teacher.

"So, lesson one: walk like you're being forced to. I love when games trick your pasty assessment into fitness." That was rude, not everyone was pasty. "We're gonna walk around town. And none of that bullshit anime running on rooftops. It only counts under a certain speed limit which really cut into my playing and driving time. You hit one elderly person while catching a Pikachu and suddenly you're the monster," he said, throwing his hands into the air in disgust. "Let's get moving. I hear there's a new latte at the coffee shop. Guaranteed to cause some diabetes..."

If that didn't get you moving, nothing would.