Fandom High School

Today, the Danger Shop was set up with an elaborate, dirty cityscape. "GOOD MORNING, CLASS!" Hammer boomed. "Welcome to your final. Your job, today, should you choose to accept it" -- that's not the quote, Hammer, but nice try -- "is to rescue a damsel in distress!"

He held up a rather unrealistic looking blow-up doll. Yes, even in the Danger Shop, Hammer hadn't gotten realistic people simulations. One could argue that he didn't want them to risk messing up with real people, but the truth was that he had messed up the programming. The class should feel lucky to even have this much put together.

"You can use anything at your disposal -- gadgets," he said, gesturing to the table of totes moddable gadgets on a table before them, "vehicles," and he pointed to the...motley assortment of vehicles nearby, "or simply your physical skills." He flexed, in case they didn't get that.

"Your damsel is up there." Captain Hammer pointed up several stories of a building about a hundred yards away, where students might observe a blow-up doll hanging out a window. "If you take longer than two minutes, the room will catch on fire, too. Have fun!"

[give me a couple minutes to toss up the OCD, kiddies. IT'S UP YAYYYYY.]

"Hello!" Hammer boomed as the class made their way in today. "Now, children, while I know you all look up to me, I need you to remember an important thing: everyone is different. No one else can be as strong as I am, or as ruggedly handsome, or as brilliant, and so, it's important that you recognize this."

He paused, posing. They should really be used to this by now.

"And sometimes, my mini-heroes, you're going to need...teamwork. Some heroes even have sidekicks, which are like partners who aren't as cool as you, but sometimes, you get to have sex with them anyway. Your assignment today, kids, is to find a partner and figure out why you would make a good heroing team. You should bring different things -- don't just pick your friends, or the people you pay to pretend to be your friends! That's just silly."

[I'm out doing pre-student teaching all day, so SP from me until eveningish!]

"Hello!" Captain Hammer boomed happily, as he'd hidden away from the tiny children this weekend and thus not had to deal with that little element of insanity. He was, of course, wonderful with children, but they tended to cling and drool and vomit on things.

"Every hero," he said thoughtfully, pacing, "needs to learn to act less as a vigilante, at some point, and more in cooperation with the law enforcement. Those boys -- and ladies," he added, because he was sensitive, "in blue are important to running the city, and you have to keep that in mind when you're saving the day. Now, back home, the cops love me. There's a fan club." He posed, because...well, that was what he did. "But it isn't that way for all heroes! I've heard about people who have been outlawed from being heroes in their cities, because the police didn't enjoy their brand of justice. And sometimes, heroes can be branded as villains themselves, simply because sometimes we have to break the law to enforce it!"

"Your job today is to have one of those 'class discussion' things on how to keep the police happy and adoring you, because heroes often have to act outside the letter of the law, even while keeping the spirit of it," Hammer said, nodding. "Talk about what..." He consulted his notes for this word "...ethical issues you might have, with acting outside the law. Who's got the authority? The heroes, or the police, when it comes down to it?"

"Hello, class!" Hammer boomed, striding out before the class once everyone was all assembled. "I hope you all had a nice time on vacation. I, meanwhile, stayed behind to protect the island from any evildoers who might attack in its vulnerable state."

He paused, beaming. "You're welcome."

"Today, class," he continued, "we're going to talk about the media. The paparazzi. Your future best friends, as a hero."

( Hammer's call to glory/Let's all be our best/Next up, who's gay? )

Captain Hammer was not his usual swaggering self today. No, today, he almost seemed like he was in shock.

"You will, undoubtedly, have to deal with villains as a hero. And villainesses. And shapeshifters, or...something." He made a face, giving a full-body shiver. "Today, we're going to begin our unit on villains with some...discussion."

See, he had learned teacher words.

"I want you all to tell me what makes a villain in your mind, and what the ideal way of defeating them might be," he said. "And if anyone can bring me some kinda...super-industrial soap, extra credit for you."

"Hello, class!" Captain Hammer bellowed as soon as everyone was seated. "Today, we're going to talk about sounding heroic. In order to strike true fear into your nemesis...es. Nemesiseses. Nemisi...." He shook his head. "Bad people you fight! In order to strike fear into their hearts, they need to hear you coming. Now, some people believe in 'battlecries.'"

Captain Hammer's use of airquotes didn't necessarily indicate any sarcasm. It more indicated that he didn't know how to use airquotes.

"Which are fine and good. I prefer to just speak loudly at every opportunity! Some heroes like to sing, and that's fine too. Other heroes like to...talk to their villains. And a lot of villains talk back." He shook his head. "They think they're 'witty.' Anyway, class! Your job today is to pair up and hold a heroic conversation! Do it loudly! Sing if you want! Use catch phrases! 'Banter!' Just be heroic while you talk to each other!"

[OCD is coming up, lol forgot to strike this out.]