Fandom High School

"Good day, my young miscreants," Jack said as he paced along the beach. "I don't suppose any of you were also chased by your laundry last wee--it is not important! Today, what is important is planning your escape!"

He waved his hands expansively. "Yes, generally, the islands you are marooned upon are chosen for their extreme inconvenience in terms of being anywhere people are inclined to go or the ability for their trees to grow boats, but sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes those very same qualities make the island attractive to other criminal elements, though none, of course, as romantic and interesting as the pirates. Today, cherubs, we make boats and wait for the rumrunners!"

"Today we shall Make Fire!" Jack announced, lifting his arms over his head dramatically. "And when we make fire, children, we do not--repeat, do not use rum to do it. Rum is for drinking! Rum is not for igniting large bonfires so your fiance in the British naval vessel will find you and rescue you only to break his heart into tiny pieces."

God, he missed her.

"Anyway!" he continued. "You take a bit of twine like so, and a stick like this, and you do this," he said, and demonstrated how to make fire.

See? He was quite handy!

"Or you can use a lighter," he said, "but most pirates will make sure to check you for useful bits and bobs before making you walk the plank."

He pointed to the beach. "Make yourself a campfire, then set it alight. And remember: NO USING RUM."

Because that part was the most important.

"Oh, you came back!" Jack said, looking a little surprised as his class joined him again on the beach. "How terribly responsible of you. Today we're going to exploring our surroundings, savvy? Can't plan a very effective escape without knowing if there--just to pull an example from the air, you see--might be a secret cache of rum left behind by rum runners over by yonder tree."

There wasn't, but Jack remained hopeful that someday he'd find the secret hiding place for alcohol on the island that wasn't at Caritas. He was sure the squirrels were putting it somewhere.

"To that purpose and end, today you will pair up, take these maps that I drew myself," or bought from Turtle & Canary, but that didn't seem properly pirate-y, "and go searching for treasure! I've buried a lovely lunch for you at various locations around the island."

Assuming you liked pie, oranges, and beef jerky.

He made a shooing motion. "Go on now. Go away."