Fandom High School

This week, there was plenty of things in front of Summer at the front of the class, but no cloches. Rather, it was all the stuff that tended to make the things that usually went under those cloches: boxes of gelatin powders, copious jars of mayonnaise and marshmallow fluff, packages of hot dogs and bologna, bags of pretzel sticks, cans of tuna fish and Spaghetti-O's and Spam, bottles of ranch dressing and ketchup. Basically all the pantry staples of your most Mid-Western, Mid-Century household worth its salt and ridicule.

(And, good lord, was there a lot of salt represented on this table!)

And Summer, of course, beamed at everyone.

"In the grand tradition of final classes," she announced, "today, we're focusing on you and what you've learned and your own creative pursuits. We have, hopefully, everything we need for you to create your own Mid-Century Nightmare Party Monstrosity here in this very classroom today and that is your assignment here today. Get creative, get weird, get gross...or I guess you could swing for the fences and give us something actually shockingly magnificent out of these offered ingredients, but, whatever you do, I want it to wow me in some way, you know? Show me if I've managed to twist your brain just a little bit more toward the terrible these past seven weeks.

"Bonus points, as always, for presentation, even more if you tie it to a whole terrible theme that your creation will be taking center stage for with your presumed party. You'll have most of the class to work on it, and then we'll use the last few minutes to present your creations. You're pretty much on your own, but if you have any questions or need help, I'll see what I can do."

"Today," said Summer, who was sort of hoping the fact that she was standing in front of the counter at the front of the classroom absolutely surrounded by a vast array of vintage Tupperware containers would make everyone's hearts stop with dread for what might be inside, "we're going to talk about something a little different. Instead of talking about the sort of horrible things that might go inside containers like these back in the mid-century," and here, she picked one up to open it and show nothing inside, and hopefully there was a sigh of relief around the room, "but rather about the distribution of those containers. Because it's almost impossible to think of mid-century nightmare party and not at least spare a thought for the infamous Tupperware party.

"Now, the Tupperware party," and now Summer was projecting a few helpful examples of advertisements on the wall, "is sort of the genesis of what has now grown into the MLM--or Multi-Level Marketing--Lifestyle. That is, a company give you their products to sell. You try to get other people into selling it, too, and the more people you have selling under you, the better you look, the more money you make, so on and so forth. There are so many different iterations and versions of this the years, your Mary Kay and Avon, Amway and Candle Lite, Pure Romance, Pampered Chef, to today's Herbalifes and LulaRoe and Younique. Basically, it's a tried an true system for a while now of trying to shill products to your friends for a profit, and, especially before the advent of the internet and social media, one of the more effect ways to push your crap on, be it storage solutions, pricey candles, kitchenware or even sex toys.... was....to have a party!

"So that's what we're going to talk about today: planning a Tupperware party. What would you do to entice people in? What sort of food would you serve? Anything else you'd like to do to really rise above your competitors? Remember, this is nightmare party planning, so I'm not nearly as interested in actually good ideas. Think outside the box...or, as it were in this case, the burpable plastic container that's not even dishwasher safe!

"Additionally, in the spirit of other products that could take advantage of the nightmare party model: what are some other good things to sell using this method, and how would you create that party?

"ALSO, because it would amuse me, I want you to all take some time to think about your best Tupperware pitches, and we'll share those, too!

"And before anyone's too disappointed," she concluded, "there are deviled eggs in the deviled egg container, a tuna pie in another one, some party mix and sardine stuffed lemons, too. I wouldn't leave you all hanging without some good party food to enjoy!"

"Everyone loves pie," Summer stated, matter-of-factly, from the front of the classroom that week, with an apologetic look toward a certain student who probably had a sinking feeling in his stomach about what terrors she was about to unleash on poor, innocent, otherwise lovely pies, "right? Although, when most people think of pie, they think apple. Key lime. Lemon meringue. Maybe meat pies or shepherd's pie. And pies are great for parties, too, right? Well, today, we're going to explore some dishes that really test the meaning of the word pie, and also tie them into some great themes for your mid-century party!

"We'll start," she said, moving to the first cloche and lifting it, "with a trip below the waves for an Under the Sea party, focused around our coral reef pie, a nice pink meringue blend over canned crushed pineapple, which the advertisement told me is ideal for school lunches, but I think this bad boy's really got shine at your oceanic event! Naturally, there are plenty of great tuna-mold jello recipes you could explore to populate your waters with all sorts of treats to talk about, too. There's a lot to work with in this theme.

"Moving on to our next example, the nightmarishness of this one all depends on how much you like to stick to tradition, or if you're okay with really pushing the boundaries of how things are done and presented. Because we've got ourselves a nice potato salad pie for your next summer cookout! But, you could also present your potato salad in a nice loaf as well! And since we're talking about salads in a pie for the summer, I've got one of those, too.

"Cool idea: a pie eating contest, but with these instead of your traditional whipped cream ones. I'm sure that'll be a hit!

"And, finally, with the end of our examples, we move the end of the year holidays. They'll be here before you know it, so now you'll be nice and prepared with a pie that combines two Christmastime favorites: eggnog and fruitcake! I'd recommend serving this with a nice tuna-based Christmas tree, but there are so many great Christmas options that we might do a whole day on it later in the session.

"These are, of course, only a small sample of things one could do to pies to make a person really appreciate the classic simplicity of a nice apple pie, but I'm sure you guys can come up with some other stuff, too! What sort of themes can you build a horrible pie around? What horrible pies do you know of that you can build a theme around? Also, for the record, I made one of these wild cracker-based mock apple pies for everyone to try if you haven't already, because there's no way I can do a class on pies and not pull it out because this thing is an example of a bizarre idea that actually works. I could probably do a whole theme around Depression-era recipes, actually, and feature this bad boy, but I had to reign myself in at some point.

"So! Let's try some weird pies and talk about pie parties."