Fandom High School

"Well, you guys didn't do well enough in the Family Feud a couple weeks ago so there will be no pizza today," Jim said, shooting an apologetic glance at the camera. "But I do have a test for you. I know you probably weren't expecting an actual final from me, but sometimes you need to prove that you can run a tight ship."

*****

"I wrote the whole thing in 20 minutes and I'm not sure people could find it serious if they tried," Jim told the camera. "I think I'm the reason teachers usually need to go to school and get certified."

*****

"Anyway, here's the test. You've been a great class. Good luck and I hope you end up with a job you love."

"Well, today's class was going to be a lesson on taking business seriously for once," Jim told the class when the bell rang. "But it's Prom day, so you don't want to, and I've been playing too much Family Feud on Facebook, so I don't want to. So you know what? It's time to play the Family Feud!"

And with that, Jim pointed to the dry erase board which had the Family Feud board very carefully drawn on it. Yes, somebody got in a little early today.

"All of these answers were taken from a strategy guide for a version of the Feud on the Super Nintendo, which some of you might have heard of when you were babies. You're playing as a team for a pizza party during our final in a couple weeks. Let's get started."

"Hey guys," Jim said. "With the weird fog and monsters around, I was thinking it might be a good idea to take it easy this week and just go with a movie day."

*****

"Actually, I was up way too late watching Kansas State beat Xavier. Two overtimes. Did you see the shot that tied it at the end of the first overtime? Yikes. But yeah, that's why I'm not prepared to actually teach."

*****

"And since we're dealing with scary things, let's go with a movie that sounds scary for the first word or two, Satan Dons Gucci. Yes, I own it on DVD. Don't judge me."

"Office meetings tend to be pretty horrible," Jim said. "Usually they mean one of three things: bad news - like there have been huge layoffs, good but uninteresting news - like you ARE going to have a holiday party this year and we'll let you know when and where it will be later, or a lecture about some kind of office etiquette or policies to increase productivity. For you, it will mostly mean trying not to fall asleep."

"If you're really lucky, you'll end up getting a video. That means the lights will be out and hopefully it'll be easier to nap."

"There's really no tips I can give you to get through it. You just have to go in and be battle-hardened. And that's why we have videos to watch today. Be strong, class. Be strong."

Jim turned down the lights, turned on the TV, and started playing a series of kind of useful but boring videos.

Jim was so zoned out by the middle of the second video that he thought the narrator had a purse. The worst part was that this was his second time through the videos.

"Morning," Jim said, sounding rather sniffly. That's right. He had a cold. "Today's topic is 'When to Actually Try a Little Bit.' Since the answer to that is 'sometime when you don't have a cold,' let's watch a movie instead."

"This is 'Cubicles.' It's the story of a guy who learns how to love work by not trying at all. It's the best movie ever."

[OOC: Sorry for the super lame class. Work's being mean. I need sleep.]

"This week," Jim said as the bell rang, "we're going to be talking about one of the most important things you can do for your sanity in an office: calling in sick. There are, of course, completely legitimate reasons to call in sick. Specifically, if you are sick. A bad cold, flu-like symptoms, a migraine that makes it tough to stand up, injuries.... All completely justifiable reasons to call in."

( Or, if you'd prefer, 'call out.' )

As his students wandered in, Jim possibly started to have second thoughts about this class topic. Sure, office work was horrible. But there really was a lot to be learned and experienced from working in a business. Maybe, just maybe, he should rethink things and give a different view of the business world.

But that would require coming up with a new syllabus, so Jim just went ahead with the class he had planned.

"Good morning and welcome to Business 102. I'm Mr Halpert, but a couple of you already knew that. What you probably didn't know is that before I came to Fandom, I was one of the top salesmen for a mid-sized paper supply company based in northeast region of the US. I was actually just about to transfer from the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch to the Stamford, Connecticut branch with a promotion to Assistant Regional Manager before I remembered that I really didn't want to turn a job at that company into a career. And taking a promotion is a convenient way to do just that."

"The basic point is that I really didn't like working there, but I did it for years thanks to a combination of doing as little work as possible, getting other people to help me not do work, being good enough at my job to not get fired, and having the least productive boss in the world. And except for that last one that you just need to get lucky with, I'm here to teach you all of that to help you survive at a crappy, crappy office job that you might end up having."

"So, let's start by doing introductions just like you've done every other day this week. And while you're telling everyone your name and class, go ahead and also tell us what career you think you'll have after school."

"Oh, and don't mind the camera guy. It's his job to film me working."