fandomhigh | Entries tagged with baking

Steve came into the class with a cat-shaped Tony on his shoulder. "So, leaving Tony alone during last week's class was a terrible idea," he said. "Fortunately, everything is almost dried out at home...but we're going to just sit and watch an episode of British people making food instead of setting anything onto the stove for Tony to knock over."

Tony looked unmoved. "It will be relaxing," Steve concluded.

Until the technical challenge was making s'mores, then Steve would be indignant.

heroic_jawline

Steve arrived in front of the baking students looking a little frazzled and alone. "Right, so Tony turned into a cat today and he'd make an absolutely terrible judge, so I'm calling an audible and changing the plan. We're going to work together and make a gingerbread house!"

This could only go badly.

"I bought a pre-baked one from the store."

At least he knew himself?

"Come on up to this table and we'll get started."

heroic_jawline

The students who used email would've received an email, the others would have received a letter, but they all read:

Our apologies, but there was an Avengers-related emergency that couldn't wait! We'll see you next week.

Very sincerely yours,

Steve Rogers & Tony Stark

No points in guessing who wrote it.

heroic_jawline

Your teachers were much tanner than they'd been two weeks ago. And hopefully so were many of the students. "Hi, and welcome back!" Steve said enthusiastically.
"Made it through fall break," Tony added. "And back to the colder weather. So we were thinking of soothing that with some tropical desserts this week. Starting off with a pavlova of your choice."

"I love pavlovas!" Steve said. Steve, let's be honest, hadn't met a lot of food he wouldn't eat. Supersoldier physiology plus a Great Depression scarcity mentality meant not a lot of food went to waste around him.

"Love pavlovas," Tony agreed with a grin and a sideways glance at his co-teacher. "And then we're going to ask you to make us a passion fruit posset."

Steve loved those too! "But first, let's see--" he frowned. "What did we assign again?"

Tony stared blankly as he tried to remember. "Chocolate! It was chocolate work!"

"Right!" Steve said. "So you need to show us your boxes made of chocolate, with chocolates inside it."

heroic_jawline

There was a chocolate fountain waiting for the class when they arrived. Because nothing said chocolate week quite like something you used to look cool at parties. Right?

"Welcome back," Tony said. "We've brought treats in case you won't get enough chocolate from today."

Steve definitely didn't startle and jump from the fountain with a strawberry on a skewer. Really. "Hi!" he said oh-so-smoothly. Killing it.

"First off, we'll be looking at your best take on brownies," Tony said smoothly. "And I don't know about other people, but I think the corner pieces are the best parts."

"They are, but that doesn't mean you should overcook the middle," Steve said. "That just makes sad, dry brownies. And please, please don't do weird things to your brownies. We watched the British show and they put in figs and it made me sad."

Tony nodded in agreement with that. Because disappointing Steve was just a crime. "And then, for your technical, we'll have you make us pots de creme."

"And we're on vacation next week, so use that time to get inspired for a chocolate box--made of chocolate and filled with three different flavors of chocolate--to bring us the week after that," Steve said with a grin.

heroic_jawline

The 'tent' was once again ready for the bakers to come back around for more ridiculous baking challenges! But the theme this week was honestly perplexing both teachers.

"Welcome back everyone. Today, we're apparently making school treats?" Tony said with a confused little frown. "I'm not sure what that means."

"Didn't you ever eat school lunch?" Steve asked.

"Well, boarding school, but I've been told it's not the same as normal school," Tony replied with a shrug.

"School lunch was sometimes my biggest meal of the day back in the '30s," Steve said. "We ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches."

"I don't think I've had one of those," Tony admitted. "But instead we have granola bars to start out! Whatever flavor you want to make."

"We don't care if they are crunchy or chewy, but tell us which one they were supposed to be before we chew on it," Steve said. "And first, let's judge your cheesecakes."

Your stacked cheesecakes. Which was a terrible idea.

"And then for your technical... square pizza? Is that a school lunch thing?" Tony was so out if his depth.

"The internet said so," Steve said, nodding. "So helpful."

heroic_jawline

Steve and Tony had a slightly rickety gingerbread version of the Avengers Tower in front of them that they were clearly horribly proud of. "Welcome back, everyone!" Steve said with a bright smile. "Welcome to Bread Week."

"We hope you all had fun with your cookie buildings." Or broke them immediately. Which was possible. "We'll get to judging those while you all start on your first bread with sweet bread rolls of any type you'd like."

"Just make sure that they have enough filling," Steve added. Steve still had opinions about pains au chocolat without enough chocolate.

Tony nodded along with that. Chocolate was important. "Following that, we want you all to make us pita. And, for an additional challenge, a tzatziki and hummus."

"I love hummus," Steve said, nodding.

"And. For your homework... we want you to make a braided bread. But a lot of braids." Really sounding like an expert there, Tony.

"The most braids wins," Steve said, nodding.

Not normally how baking class went, but sure!

heroic_jawline

Well. Your teachers were ponies. Maybe some of the class was ponies too! But that sort of put a damper on the whole... baking thing. What with the lack of thumbs and all.

"Okay, so this week is a little crazy for the start of classes," Tony said, tail flicking in annoyance. "Hopefully you all avoided the dinosaurs just fine."

Steve, who couldn't throw a shield like this, was looking decidedly irritated. For a magical pegasus pony thing. "Baking will definitely be a challenge today," he said. "Making cakes is probably a little beyond us."

"So, we thought maybe microwaves?" Tony added. "We'll just go with an A plus grade if you manage something edible here."

"It'll be great!" Steve said with much more optimism that this deserves. "...we might give you homework for when all of our thumbs return."

"Just consider this an easy introduction to the class," Tony said. One where dinosaurs wanted to murder you and people were ponies.

heroic_jawline

"Good morning, everyone," Steve said with a bright smile. "I'm looking forward to seeing your final showstoppers."

"And, because this is your final class of the semester, we've decided to let you all try each other's pavlovas as we put on a movie," Tony said. Because that was the sort of thing everyone needed for finals week.

"Maybe our next class can make French dinners..."

Steve, no. But also, Steve, yes!

"Maybe," Tony said, sounding interested in something neither of them could plausibly do without setting something on fire once they were distracted.

Oh God, the flambés.

"We'll think about it," Steve decided.

"So, everyone settle in for a nice, easy day," Tony said.

"We're nice like that," Steve added.

heroic_jawline

It was Fussy French Pastry Week because even though both of your teachers spoke French, they weren't going to call the stuff pâtisserie.

"Bonjour," Steve said with a grin. "We're making French stuff today. Well, you are. JARVIS banned us from the kitchen when we tried to make the nuns."

That would make more sense in a minute, kids.

"He's no fun," Tony said with a frown. "After we judge last week's bake, we'll start you out with a classic entremet. Which is like if you made something where the decoration was inside for when you cut them."

"It should be no problem for you now that you've mastered custard," Steve said with more enthusiasm than their custard skills might be earning. "We'd like at least four layers when we cut it open, and also for it to not be a sploogy mess."

'Sploogy' was totally a real word.

"After that, we move onto the nuns," Tony said with a grin. "Or the Religieuse, which are filled choux pastries that are stacked together to sort of look like a nun." Just go with it, folks.

"Ours did not look like nuns," Steve said, "but that's why we're teaching and not taking this class." He smiled. "Before we get started on the entremets, let's see your herbal cakes with sugar flowers!"

Hopefully you learned how to make sugar flowers! Or ordered some from Amazon. It's not like your teachers would be able to tell.

heroic_jawline

There weren't any Easy Bake Ovens in the tent today because Steve was a hater of joy and also theirs had caught fire three times this week.

Minor technical difficulties! Nothing at all to worry about, though. This week was different.

"So custards," Tony said. "Something that can taste like sweet screwed eggs if you're not careful."

Had he made any? No. But he'd had it plenty of times at a restaurant.

Steve wrinkled up his nose. "Those are not great, but I'm sure you will all be fine!"

"We'll start off easy with the signature being boxed pudding pies. Whatever you think would be the best flavor combination, let us see it," Tony said.

"And then you'll have to make creme anglaise," Steve said. "And I don't know what that is."

"It's like a custard that you can pour," Tony said oh so helpfully. "Or something."

Well, at least they won't know how to judge it correctly. "And your take home assignment is flan!" Steve said excitedly.

"Three tiers!" Wait, what?

"That'll be amazing!" Steve said, smiling enthusiastically. Or a huge mess. One of those. "But first, let's see how your Easy Bake...bakes...went!"

heroic_jawline

Did Steve need to be wearing a bright green sweater today? No, but he was Irish American and getting into the spirit of the upcoming holiday. "Today we're doing Irish baking!"

"After we judge your shave ice, we'll get into the signature challenge of... shortbread. You can flavor it any way you want so long as it's rich and buttery," Tony said as he grinned. "Maybe go with something green to impress Captain Rogers here."

"Please don't use kale," Steve added immediately.

"...I didn't even think that was an option." Tony clearly hadn't gone to enough hipster places. "Either way! After that, we want you to make a... Barmbrack." Because in no way could he pronounce the actual name for it.

"Irish cinnamon raisin bread," Steve said. "To speed the recipe up, we tell you to microwave the raisins with the hot tea instead of having them steep overnight."

"That sounds really good, actually. Even if I'm more of a coffee drinker." Understatement of the year. "But that will be followed up by a very special challenge for you to bring us next week."

"Think...decorative pie," Steve said, nodding.

heroic_jawline

"Tony's back," Steve said happily, pointing unnecessarily at his husband, "and so today can be Chocolate Week!"

"Apologies for last week," Tony said. "For... all of those salads?"

They were salads in name only and everyone but Steve knew it.

"Oh, you get to taste the salads," Steve said, "but you missed the Spam Loaf."

No one missed the Spam Loaf, Steve.

Tony looked something close to thrilled, but wasn't at all thrilled. Horrified. It was horrified. "Let's talk chocolate for now," he suggested. "Your signature is going to be a box of tempered chocolates with a filling of your choice. And the box is also made of chocolate."

At least it wasn't hot out for this?

Steve nodded. "I've been looking forward to those! And your technical challenge is chocolate lava cakes, but we'll get to that in a bit."

heroic_jawline

"Unfortunately, Tony had a board meeting he couldn't get out of this morning," Steve said, "so you only have me today."

"First I'll judge your marzipan ring...stacks." Thor wasn't here to help with pronunciation today, so Steve decided to just not try. "Then we'll get into some retro bakes."

Because Tony also wasn't there to stop him!

"Our Signature challenge will be a highly decorative Jello mold filled with your choice of sweet or savory items," Steve said, so earnest despite being so diabolical, "and our technical challenge is the Spam and Fruit Cocktail Party Loaf."

Steve, why.

"And your take-home assignment is to come up with your most creative Midwestern dessert salad! It'll be fun."

It'd be something, all right.

heroic_jawline

Today we're making pie!" Steve said happily. "Good pie, without fish in it."

"Or any meat. Or meat jelly," Tony added. Because fancy dinner parties still had those on occasion. "Today, your signature bake should be your best, most decorative fruit pie. You can pick any fruit you like best. We're just excited to get pie for breakfast here."

"Breakfast pie!" Steve echoed. He was a man who enjoyed the simple pleasures. "But first, let's judge those gingerbread castles, okay?"

"Oh right!" How could he have forgotten about the gingerbread castles? "We'll do that while you make fruit pies. And then after the fruit pies, you'll do your technical challenge of making us a pumpkin pie."

"With nuts on top," Steve added, nodding.

"This is going to be a great tasting day," Tony sighed.

"We have faith," Steve said, smiling at Yelena.

heroic_jawline

The tent was back up for class! And it was still winter. Because sometimes the aesthetic seemed to supersede the whole comfort thing. But, hey, at least the little, flimsy ovens would be on to keep people sort of warm for this next week.

"It's bread week! But don't worry, we haven't forgotten about the showstopper cakes from last week that you all were supposed to bring in," Tony said. "But that will be judged as you settle in to show us what you think your signature focaccia is."

"Mm, more cake," Steve said, grinning. "And bread!" A combination only a super-powered metabolism could love.

"And, once we judge that focaccia, your technical challenge will be to make a traditional French baguette." It wouldn't end in tears at all. Tony was just so irrationally hopeful. And the level of time travel necessary for all this baking...

"Plus your own butter," Steve added helpfully.

"Yes, a flavored butter," Tony agreed. "But we'll be nice and let you do that one however you want."

"As long as that way isn't taking butter that's already made out of the fridge," Steve cautioned.

heroic_jawline

"Well, we've gotten to the final class without permanent injuries," Steve said, clapping his hands together, "just like we always knew we could."

"Congratulations!" Tony said as a few of the roombas zoomed around him with party hats affixed to them. "But, unfortunately, most of the ingredients we had planned for today have been replaced with some more, ah, munchies related ones."

"Munchies?" Steve repeated, politely confused. His anti-drug PSAs had been very clinical, Tony.

Tony just nodded like it was perfectly reasonable. "I'll tell you later," he promised. "But for now... work with what we have and see what you can make!"

"But maybe some of the students are also confused," Steve said."

Steve.

"Steve, no." Steve, yessss.

"Why not?" Steve demanded.

"Because it's weed. It's a weed joke," Tony blurted out, spooking one of the roombas.

Steve looked momentarily mystified still before he finally got it. "Oh. Okay. So make a delicious...something and then...impress us with your engineering skills somehow too?"

"Sounds like college," Tony muttered quietly.

Steve snorted and poked him in the shoulder. "And thank you again for your time and attention this semester."

"We hope to see you again this summer," Tony added, shamelessly grabbing a bag of Doritos.

"Especially if you like paintball," Steve said with a grin.

heroic_jawline

The teachers looked much more focused this week, so that could only be a good thing, right? "Today we're going to make edible rockets!" Steve said enthusiastically.

"No, they don't have to break the atmosphere," Tony said with a grin. "Your goal is to get it in the air successfully. After that..."

Cookie crash time!

"They should hit the ceiling," Steve said with an equally eager grin. "Tony's going to explain about the physics of propulsion and gravity and then you can get started."

And it was probably more than a high school class needed to be told, but sometimes Tony just got enthusiastic about a subject. Sorry, kids.

"Now, remember you can team up if you'd like," Tony added.

"Please don't launch your bots into space," Steve cautioned as well.

One of the little roombas made a distressed noise and tried to hide behind the teachers.

"They get anxious," Tony said in a bit of a stage whisper.

heroic_jawline

The classroom today didn't have its normal attention to detail, and the Roombas were happily zooming all over the floors as everyone arrived. "Today we're making really elaborate, um, fruit baskets," Steve said as the teachers came in two minutes late to class.

"Or we would be, but the delivery service only brought bananas," Tony said, frowning at the supplies they had in the center of the room.

Just so many kinds of bananas.

"So let's regroup," Steve said, making a face at the bananas as well. The phallic, phallic bananas.

"Just...let your mind wander and make something with bananas."

Steven. Why would you encourage teenagers to let their minds wander this week?

"And chocolate!" Tony added. "We also have chocolate."

Which would help, right?

In no way would this help. "So, um, get started," Steve said, wandering over and grabbing a banana. He was hungry!

heroic_jawline

"Today we're making leprechaun traps," Steve said. "Edible ones that will hopefully not annoy an actual leprechaun."

Because Steve was Irish and he'd been taught very early not to piss off the wee folk.

Tony just side eyed him for a moment at that. "Which apparently involves a lot of cream being left out?"

Look, he wasn't up to date on Irish folklore.

"Milk," Steve said. "They like milk. And whiskey." He shrugged. "That's what my mother told me."

"Shortbread might be good to try for the traps," Tony added. As that was definitely Irish to fit the theme. "If your trap works... please be careful in case it's a squirrel or a gremlin."

"Maybe with a sign that says you don't really intend to trap them?" Steve added. "Leprechauns are pretty spiteful."

He'd heard.

"Make your box at least three apples tall," he added, "or the leprechauns won't fit inside."

Were they real? Steve had no idea, but he wasn't taking chances.

heroic_jawline

Steve was bright-eyed and smiling because Steve was always bright-eyed and smiling. Tony...Tony was a different story.

Tony was clutching his oversized travel mug of coffee and looking like death warmed over. Maybe he was getting sick or something, right?

"Burning stuff. Flambé. That thing," he managed. But that was the most intelligent thing you were getting out of him here.

Fortunately, Steve was fluent in Tony. "Since you did so well with your volcanoes--" sure, we'll go with that, "--we decided to up the difficulty with fire!"

Dum-E in the corner was rocking excitedly, holding a fire extinguisher in his claw.

"Since you've mastered the idea behind Baked Alaskas with the volcanoes, let's make them more elaborate! Today you'll make comets that you'll set on fire and then they'll crash into a landscape of your choice."

Oh no.

Oh yes. This had been a caffeinated Tony plan.

"Good luck," Tony managed before getting dosed in flame retardant foam by a very trigger happy Dum-E.

heroic_jawline

Today, the Danger Shop was set up for cookie baking! And also a little structural integrity challenge. But mostly cookies!

"Welcome back!" Tony said, very excited to see how the new challenge they had for their class would go. "Today is going to be about earthquakes."

"And gingerbread houses!" Steve added. "But mostly the earthquakes."

They had put so many things on the earthquake platform to make them fall over, you guys. Just. So many things.

"So, your goal today is to build a house of edible materials that will withstand the earthquake simulator," Tony said. "Which is a lot harder than it sounds. Captain Rogers and I tried."

There had been Jello involved. It had been so great. And messy.

"Tony's going to do a quick lecture about gravity and stability and physics of structures," Steve said, "and then you need--with your bots--to build a structure at least three feet tall that doesn't fall over when we rattle it around for a solid minute."

This was going to be a disaster.

heroic_jawline

The classroom, in addition to the usual baking and engineering equipment, was now rigged with a giant, fifteen foot tower in the center of the space.

So that was probably fine. Dum-E was hanging out in front of it just in case it caught fire. "Today you get to work with gravity!" Steve said excitedly.

"More specifically, negating the effects of gravity," Tony said. "You will need to build something that will protect your dessert. Be that something that flies or a parachute. Or maybe even just extra padding. It's up to you."

"A hovercraft would be swell," Steve said enthusiastically. Steve had a warped idea of what was possible in high school students because he was married to Tony Stark.

Tiny, tiny bit, yes.

"Remember to utilize your robot assistants here!" Tony added.

"And your desserts need to be light, too," Steve said. "Like a mousse or a meringue. We've left out recipes and equipment to make parachutes, but don't feel limited by what we've provided."

heroic_jawline

Well, kids, today you had blow torches, so that could only end in awesome. Or someone on fire. Which would still be awesome, albeit in a traumatizing way.

"Today we're going to make edible volcanoes!" Steve said excitedly. "Tony will explain the science part."

"Baking soda and vinegar is the classic way to make a volcano that won't actually burn anything," Tony said. "And since we already have the blow torches out, we thought it might be safer to stick with that one."

Also, the school got weird about making real volcanoes.

You graduate more than one supervillain and the school board gets a little squeamish. Go figure.

"Your volcano has to be at least three feet tall and made out of cake, meringue, and ice cream," Steve said. "Plus have a hole for the baking soda and vinegar stuff."

"We suggest a thick layer of meringue," Tony said helpfully. "The main stipulation is that the eruption must work, okay?"

"And that the ice cream doesn't melt," Steve added. "We've left out a couple of recipes for cake, ice cream and meringues--" but tried none of them because your teachers were terrible cooks, "--and your bots will be out in a second to assist you!"

Several of them had a little chef hats on. It was adorable.

ohvalleyofpenis

It was the final week of watching your instructors set things on fire by accident. So, of course things had to end with setting things on fire on purpose, right? Right.

"What is an Alaska and why are we baking it?" Why was Jaskier asking Yennefer this?

"Well, obviously it's a type of tart," Yennefer said with all the confidence of someone who had no idea what she was talking about, but did have a brand new insulated travel cup full of ~~wine~~ ~~coffee~~ okay it's wine. Then she actually looked at the recipe and said, "All right, so it's not a tart."

Jaskier frowned at the travel mug, but mostly because he hadn't thought of that first. "What is it then?"

This just went to show that Yennefer was the smart one and the pretty one. "It's a--well, it's a--frozen. thing?

"You heard it here, kids. A frozen thing," he said with all the confidence of a man who made lies sound pretty for a living. "This is our final class with you for the season, so give it all you have and I'm sure--is the recipe on fire?!"

You'll will miss this class, don't lie.

"We have other copies, don't we?" Apparently they did not. "Right, well. Make your best guess at what a Baked Alaska is," Yennefer said.

tellmehowstuffworks

"This week we will be making...'creme brulee.' Well, that sounds..." She trailed off, still looking at the recipe card. "Oh. Oh, no."

"This time the fire will be on purpose!" Jaskier fundamentally misunderstood the brulee part.

"There is no way that this can go wrong!" Yennefer blatantly lied.

They were making a steamed custard. There were just so many ways it could go wrong.

"So, let's begin with this," Jaskier said with more cheer than the situation called for with their track record.

"Yes, let's...begin," Yennefer said. She was developing an eye twitch.

ohvalleyofpenis

This time neither teacher was late and there were two coffees as Jaskier had warily provided one to his co-teacher to keep his bits from rotting and falling off thanks to magic. Because he knew exactly what horrible things Yennefer was capable of.

And not just from this class.

"Today we're doing something called Victoria's sponge. Which sounds like a limerick," he said thoughtfully.

"Are we sure it's not a contraceptive device?" Yennefer asked. "Well, I suppose most contraceptives call for less whipped cream." That generally came in at a different point in the proceedings.

"Would have made for a more interesting class," Jaskier muttered, squinting at the recipe like he could pinpoint just where they would screw this one up. Maybe this time it would be the whipped cream that caught fire.

"We're using pre-made jam," Yennefer declared. That seemed like the riskiest step, right there. With all the stirring and...bubbling.

"Or we could just eat that," Jaskier said, grabbing that jar from their little pile of ingredients to save for the inevitable disaster. "Well, let's get started. Shall we?"

ohvalleyofpenis

"Oh thank the gods, there's no oil," Jaskier said the very moment he was in the room. Fifteen minutes late, with coffee from the Perk.

"You're late," Yennefer, who had just arrived a few moments before, told him. "And you didn't bring me anything?" Rude, Jaskier. Very rude.

Jaskier clutched his coffee a little closer. It was his new favorite thing since the rum! Silver can be firmly blamed for that one. "Well, I didn't know you'd want anything."

Yennefer narrowed her eyes at him, as one in contemplation of turning a bard into an eel. Then she asked, "Well? What are we making this week. bard?"

Which was why Jaskier skittered around to the opposite side of the desk to check what was awaiting them. "An Opera cake? Haven't heard of that before."

Yennefer rolled her eyes. "Obviously it's a cake made of...operas." Perhaps it was a type of fruit? She peered over Jaskier's shoulder at the card and said, "Melitele's splendid tits, that's a lot of steps." Wasn't this class supposed to be an hour long? Oh, well. Time was a construct.

"We could... continue it next week?" Would the cake still be good? WHO KNEW? Certainly not your teachers.

"Right, so just...do what you can," Yennefer said, "and try not to set anything on fire." That was their job.

tellmehowstuffworks

"Today," Yennefer announced, "we will be making..." She picked up the card and read, "paczki. Oh, I love paczki!"

"Aren't those deep fried?" Jaskier asked. Because of their track record and all.

"How the hell should I know?" Yennefer, who was teaching a baking class, asked. "I just eat them." Except today, she was going to have to make them. Oh dear. "Are they?"

They were. The class could tell because there was an oil fire just behind the teachers. "Did you do that?" Jaskier asked once he noticed it.

"Wasn't me," Yennefer said, and extinguished the fire with a flick of magic.

It reignited as soon as she'd turned her back.

"...so, paczkis," Jaskier said, trying for bright cheer and looking mostly panicked. "Best of luck."

tellmehowstuffworks

Nothing was on fire this time around, but there was a strange assortment of fruit waiting for both the class and teachers upon arrival. The fruit somehow managed to look a little too perfect somehow.

"Oh gods, it's still happening," Jaskier said, finding a recipe waiting for them under a little gingham napkin.

Yennefer was poking at the fruit warily. It seemed suspicious somehow. "I don't trust it," she muttered. "I don't trust any of this."

"Yes, yes. We know," Jaskier sighed, reading the recipe. It was better than looking at the suspicious, magical fruit. "Oh, it's pie! That doesn't sound too difficult."

It was, in fact, too difficult for them.

Yennefer peered over his shoulder to look at the recipe, uncaring that she was all up in Jaskier's personal space. "Oh, look! It says you can put vodka in the crust. I never knew there was vodka in pie." This was very exciting news that in no way was going to lead to things ending in tears.

Jaskier was frozen like maybe if he didn't move, she wouldn't see him. Like that movie that he did not know about. "Well. As long as there's vodka, I think this should go swimmingly. Class, if you would like to follow along?"

Your teachers were going to get drunk and giggle over the peaches looking like butts, but it would be educational.

The peaches did really look like butts, didn't they? "Yes, so. Choose your fruit and let's get started."

ohvalleyofpenis

Jaskier was down at least three outfits and on top of all of that, he apparently had a class to teach again! With Yennefer. Ergo, his day was not the best it could be.

And, for some reason, there was gingham everywhere in the classroom. Neither of your teachers had the faintest idea why.

Yennefer had merely magiced her clothing clean, like a civilized person, although she had to admit she was beginning to regret the majority of it being black. Also, she was peering at the class roster and muttering, "What does a Witcher have to do with it?" She asked Jaskier, "Are Witchers known for their baking?" He was a bard, bards knew random things like that.

"How should I know?" Jaskier asked peevishly. "I doubt it's part of the whole sullen monster hunter routine. Though it's not as though he's terribly fond of sharing."

Was he still operating under the assumption she knew who he was? Yes. Yes, he was.

Bards were also so touchy. Yennefer supposed it was the artistic temperament. "Welcome to...er, the 'Great Witcher Bake-Off.' I am Yennefer of Vengerburg, and this is..." she turned to Jaskier. "I didn't get your name," she admitted. Largely because she hadn't bothered to ask for it.

He squawked like an affronted chicken at that. "I'm Jaskier. And I haven't a clue about baking. Did the moose at the very least give instructions? Or is this some mystical art you know?"

"Definitely not," Yennefer said, taken aback by the very notion. Even when she'd been a farm drudge, she hadn't baked. Probably because her stepfather hadn't trusted her with his food, which was a solid call on his part. At any rate, "How hard can it be?"

It would end in only disaster, folks.

"We're making--" Jaskier found the instructions placed next to the neat little stack of ingredients that neither of the teachers had a hand in assembling. Thank your lucky stars for that, everyone. "--a frangipane tart. Oh, I like tarts."

"Tarts are delicious," Yennefer agreed. "So..." She waved her hands vaguely. "Make your tarts, and then we shall tell you who has made the best one. How about that?"

sharp_as_knives

"So." Hannibal smiled at the students once they settled in. "If you've had my class before, you know what your final is." Or if you'd read and remembered the syllabus, but he knew enough about teenagers to know the likelihood of that.

He spread his hands. "Bake me something. Bake me several somethings. Use as many of the things we've learned in class as you can. I am here if you have questions."

Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal wasn't going to miss any time with Angela he didn't have to. Combined with the fact that several of his students were likely to bring children as well...baking probably wasn't the best idea.

So, he'd sent them e-mail again to relocate class to his home, and he'd baked ahead of time.

"Good morning. I thought today we'd indulge in a bit of post-baking frivolity." In the breakfast nook (which was larger than most people's dining rooms) he'd set out numerous trays of cookies - plain sugar, lavender, snickerdoodle, chocolate, and a few ~~moddable~~ others - along with a rainbow of icing colors and a variety of sprinkles.

And a very large dropcloth on the floor.

"There are also milk, tea, and coffee," he informed the students (and sundry). "Enjoy."

Current Location: 22 Phoenix Place

sharp_as_knives

"Welcome back," Hannibal said to his students. "I hope you're all ready to return to baking. Our lesson for today is twofold. First, not all baking needs to happen in an oven." He gestured to the large, flat stove in front of him. "Any cooking that does not involve liquid or direct flame is technically baking. And second, not all bread requires yeast or is a quick bread."

He smiled. "I don't know if any of you celebrate the current holiday, but it provided a bit of inspiration at least. There are a number of variations on flat bread around the world; I've selected several of them here, but please feel free to explore your own. Often, these breads are eaten with other foods - whether as filling, topping, or using the bread as utensil."

He showed them ( the examples )

Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

To: Baking Class
Subject: Class, March 30th

Class this week will be held at my house on Phoenix Place, across from the school. Please show up on time and hungry.

Hannibal greeted the students as they filed in and led them to his kitchen. "Given recent events, I doubt very much that your attention will be up to cooking. And I'm given to believe that a bit of spoiling is still a good thing for those of you recovering. So. Today, you will watch me bake. And cook in other ways. Feel free to ask questions, and if you would like to help, just ask. Otherwise, sit and watch, and then you can help carry things to the dining room."

[OOC: Class is at home today, and may also be subject to minor incursions by Hannibal's houseguests.]

Current Location: 22 Phoenix Place
Current Music: light classical

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal wasn't going to let Jono's condition stop him from teaching; he was excellent at compartmentalizing. It was doubtful his students would even notice anything wrong. (And it was doubtful Jono would do anything but lie in bed, which at least seemed safe.)

It did mean, however, that he'd decided on an easy recipe for today.

Easy by some definition, anyway.

"Today we'll be working on making a soufflé. They have a recipe for being rather fussy, but if you follow the directions - particularly if you fold the egg whites in properly, rather than mixing them - you will be fine. Also, a bit of cream of tartar can help your whites to hold their form."

He put the recipe up for them. "That said, today we'll be making soufflé that are designed to fall and will puff up again. Please let me know if you have any problems or questions."

Current Mood: Concerned
Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal began class today with everyone at the central island, and nodded at them. "Before we begin, I should perhaps apologize; as you have been informed, I was a reptile last week, and unable to teach."

He paused for a moment. The things he'd never thought he'd hear himself saying!

"I would like to thank Sparkle for his initiative," he nodded to him, "and for his inventiveness in ways of not burning things. However he may have done it." Because microwaves? Honestly, Sparkle? Hannibal was looking slightly pained.

"So, to follow, I thought we would learn to cook brownies in an actual oven." He presented a recipe and its variants on the wall. "As with the mochi, this is a simple recipe that can be altered any number of ways depending upon your preferences. The key to the base is to use quality chocolate and cocoa. Beyond that, there are no new techniques in this recipe, merely application and experimentation." He smiled. "And of course, eating. Enjoy."

Current Location: Danger Shop

myownface

"So, um."

Um, indeed. Sparkle was looking a little worse for the wear, today. His hair hadn't been done, his make-up hadn't been done, his shirt was turned inside-out and he didn't seem to much care either way about it. But the hell of it was, he looked very well-rested. He felt refreshed, too. Sparkle was doing pretty darn okay, actually.

"Hey. I guess Doctor Lecter is still a snake, and, I'm really hoping it's not just me who keeps dozing off today? Because that would be fricking awkward." To say the least. "But, since I'm not in any mood to burn the school down today, weirdly enough, and I guess it's my job to teach when the teacher is otherwise unfortunately reptilian, I'm going to get us all to do this recipe I found on the internet that probably won't cause too much trouble if we fall asleep halfway through cooking."

A beat.

"Just... don't tell Doctor Lecter that I had us using microwa---"

Sorry, guys. Sparkle was having another brief nap. But there were recipe printouts at each baking station, so you could probably figure out what to do from there, right?

Hopefully.

[Open!]

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal smiled at the students as they got settled. "Welcome back; I hope you all had a lovely break, whether you joined us on the ship or not. In honor of our trip, and for those of you having trouble returning to classes, I thought we would work on some Mexican food today."

He pulled up an image on the wall. ( Empanadas )

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

The students had been warned ahead of time with an e-mail to meet at the causeway instead of the classroom. When they got there, they would find Hannibal and a portal, and through the portal a Land Rover Range Rover Sport with three rows.

Hannibal ushered them all through the portal before explaining. "In my experience, these weeks are very bad for concentration, which means a very bad time for dealing with heat and sharp objects. Because of this, and because a bit of time away from the island can only help, we will be having a field trip today." He waved them toward the vehicle. "Shortest people in the back, please."

( There's time to talk on the drive. )

Current Location: Baltimore

sharp_as_knives

"Good morning," Hannibal said when everybody had arrived. "My apologies for last week; I was rather under the weather. This week, we'll be working on something simple and from someplace other than Europe, as requested." He smiled and nodded at the students who'd requested those things.

"Mochi is a traditional Japanese food - it can be a snack on its own, or it can be combined with other things. I have a number of examples here. It has only a few ingredients, and is fairly simple to start, though you do need to be precise and careful."

He pulled up the recipe on one wall and went over it with them. "You may make the plain version, or dress it up however you like. Please feel free to ask me questions if you have them."

Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

Today, instead of Hannibal at the front of the class, there was a note left for Sparkle:

I very much doubt you would want to eat anything I cooked today. I believe I shall keep my germs to myself. Please convey my apologies to the class.

Accompanying it was a movie for the class to see.

[OOC: Method RP FTW...except for the being sick part, which is definitely not W.]

Current Mood: Sick
Current Location: Home

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal nodded at the students and waved them toward the center station in the Danger Shop today.

"Our past classes, quick breads and pies, left out one of the more common elements of baking. This is because it can also be an extremely fussy one." He smiled at them. "I thought it better to have something else under your belts before we began this one."

He set a little dish of powder on the counter. "( Yeast. )

Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

The Danger Shop today had one station in the middle, with a myriad of bowls, spoons, spatulas, whisks, and other utensils. Hannibal gestured for them all to take up stools around the counter as he spoke.

"One of the important parts of baking is ( mixing. )

Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

Class met in the Danger Shop this week, and at the front of it were a masonry oven, a cooking pit, a rather fancy grill, and a stainless steel oven. The whole room smelled like baking flour and sugar.

( Baking! )

Current Location: Danger Shop

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal nodded at the students as they filed in, pleased to see new faces as well as old. "Hello and good morning. For those of you who haven't met me, I'm Dr. Hannibal Lecter. We will normally be meeting in the Danger Shop, where we've access to whatever tools we'll need, but today is only for introductions and an overview.

"We will be covering baking this semester, which is the process of cooking things using dry heat. I will do my best to take things as methodically as possible, so that even if you've never baked before, you will be able to do so. If you ever have a problem understanding things, please let me know."

He passed out the syllabus. "This is also available online, if you prefer. Should you need to contact me, my phone number and e-mail address are both there. Also, I live just across from the school. You are welcome to call, write, or drop by for help, although if you do the latter without the former, be aware I may not always be home." He grimaced in long-suffering. "Also, watch out for the flamingos."

When everybody had a syllabus, he leaned back on the desk and continued. "Should you need anything and be unable to reach me, Sparkle is my teaching assistant for the semester." He nodded to Sparkle.

"So, since the first day is for introductions, and it's early enough in the week you hopefully haven't gotten tired of them yet, let's go around the room; please let me know your name and class, what experience you may already have in baking, and if there's anything you particularly are looking forward to learning."

Current Location: Classroom

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