Fandom High School

Pinkie was looking uncharacteristically gloomy as the students gathered outside Portalocity, today. She scuffed her hoof against the street and sighed dramatically. "Today's our last class," she said, and sniffed.

Eliot awkwardly reached over to pat her on the head. "Pinkie wanted to throw a good-bye party," he said. "But I had a different idea. See, we've been to a lot of different regions of the Earth in this class, but there's one important one that we've left off so far: the Middle East."

"It turns out this is the area where a lot of the culture we have here in Fandom and in the country Fandom lives in got its very very earliest start!"

Eliot nodded. "The Arabian peninsula and the surrounding countries were the seat of power for more than a few of the ancient civilizations that western culture is based on. It's the birthplace of algebra and our modern mathematical systems, and the entire reason why English has a concept of 'zero'. It's also where three of the world's largest religions originated, which is one of the reasons why it's considered one of the most dangerous areas of the world for Americans to visit. Many of the countries in the region are involved in all out wars right now, and hundreds of thousands of civilians have been fleeing violence and religious persecution. It's part of the reason we didn't visit the area earlier in the year. It's taken a lot of research for me to find a location I thought would be safe enough for us to visit."

"Over the course of the class, we've gone to see cities and ancient sites and natural wonders! So today we thought we'd give you an option: ancient or modern! I wanted to throw in a natural wonder but Eliot said ix-nay on the ee-options-thray. Since there's only two of us teachers."

"You can either join Pinkie Pie in one portal and go visit the ancient city of Petra, Jordan," Eliot said, and sighed through his nose when Pinkie whipped out a fedora and bullwhip. "Or you can come along with me to the modern coastal city of Aqaba, Jordan. So, you know, desert or beach. It's up to you."

"Either way, it sounds like super duper loads of fun to me!" Pinkie cheered, and flung her hat into the air before leading the way to one of the two portals that opened up behind them. "Adventure awaits!"

"Bonjour!" Pinkie greeted as the students gathered for class, today. "Bienvenue à nouveau chaque poney! Aujourd'hui, nous allons à une belle ville en Afrique de l'Ouest . Espérons que vous avez tous brossé votre français!"

Because, sure, why wouldn't the creature from a universe that literally doesn't have a France speak French?

"Yeah, in case ya didn't follow that," Eliot said. "Today we're headed to West Africa, specifically Senegal, which was colonized primarily by the French. So that's their official language."

"Une belle langue pour un beau pays!" said Pinkie.

"You gonna be doin' that all day?"

"Oui!"

Eliot sighed. "Right. Well, we've got phrasebooks for everyone who isn't randomly fluent. We'll be hitting the capital city of Dakar, where you're reasonably likely to be able to find someone who speaks English. But, uh. Try not to wander too far off the beaten track."

"Je pense que vous allez aimer Dakar. Il semble si plein d'histoire et de la culture et des musées et il y a un zoo! Très amusant!"

"You sound like an online translator," Eliot said.

"Allons-y!"

Pinkie was hopping circles around Eliot as the students arrived this week. She was wearing a full, fluffy bunny costume, complete with little nose mask and buck teeth, and carrying a basket full of eggs. Eliot looked like he was working very, very hard to restrain himself.

"I'm so excited," Pinkie sang. "Theme trips are the best trips, we're going to an island for holidays, this is going to be so much fun!"

Eliot finally reached out and grabbed Pinkie by the bunny ears, yanking her firmly to a halt, all without ever moving his other hand from where it was firmly facepalming over his eyes.

"It's not a holiday island," he grumbled. Pinkie blinked up at him, eyelashes fluttering. "It just got named that by -- you know what, nevermind. Hi kids." He let go of Pinkie's bunny ears with a little shove that she turned into a somersault. "As some of you might be guessin' by this little . . . display, we're goin' to Easter Island."

"A WHOLE ISLAND JUST FOR EASTER!" Pinkie crowed.

"It's not a whole island just for Easter," Eliot said. "It's a remote island in the south pacific, called Rapa Nui by the local culture. There's a Christmas Island in the same area. 'S got nothin' to do with Santa Claus."

Pinkie pouted. Then zipped off, and zipped back a moment later, sans Easter outfit. "Go ooooooooonnnnnnnn," she said.

Eliot sighed. "The place is best known for its ancient monoliths, also known as maoi."

"Big grumpy rock faces!" Pinkie exclaimed, and then proceeded to do a seriously uncanny impression of one of the said rocks.

"How did you --" Eliot cut himself off. He probably didn't want to know, anyway. "Yeah. It's taken western culture freakin' centuries to figure out the great 'mystery' of how a primitive culture could have quarried these things in one spot and then gotten them out to the beaches where they are now. Like, they even asked the locals, got an accurate answer, and assumed it was just magical thinking by a bunch of savages. Which . . . well, they did elect their supreme leader every year by makin' all the eligible guys go try to steal bird eggs and seein' who managed to come back alive."

"Maybe the republican party should try that, this year," Pinkie said. Eliot snorted a laugh.

"Yeah, they -- wait, what?"

Pinkie made another maoi face at him, then bounced several feet into the air when the portal opened. "Portal portal portal! Let's gooooo!"

Pinkie waited for the students today wearing large mirrored sunglasses and several dozen paper shopping bags tucked at crazy angles across her withers and around her front legs. "Hiya everypony!" she called, waving frantically and setting the bags rustling and fluttering in a way that indicated in so uncertain terms that they were all entirely empty. "Hope you're ready for some super fun times today! We're going shopping!"

Eliot was dressed -- exactly like he would any other day of the week. Up to and including the incredulous expression he was shooting Pinkie. "If you wanna go shopping," he said. "You don't have to go shopping. We're not takin' a field trip to a mall or anything."

"Ooooo, we should totally do that!"

Eliot ignored her. "Today we're visitin' one of the largest and most economically successful cities in the world -- and one of my personal favorites: Seoul, South Korea." He looked around specifically for Kathy, then went back to addressing the entire class. "There is far too much to do in this city in one trip. I recommend pickin' one thing: shopping, sure, or a historical tour if that's your thing, or checkin' out one of their theme parks, or even just explorin' along the river, maybe, and keepin' the place in mind for future vacations."

"ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT!" Pinkie declared, bags flying again. "Let's go hit the town!!"

Eliot actually smiled a little at that. He was looking forward to seeing what Seoul made of a talking pink pony.

"So apparently my co-teacher is a wolverine this week," Pinkie said cheerfully. "I bet he's having loads of fun that way. In the meantime, I thought it might be best if we don't wander off too far for today's class. So we're going to go to -- THE ZOO!"

Pinkie was super excited about this. She hoped you were, too. "The Smithsonian National Zoo is right nearby Fandom Island, down in Washington, DC, and it's got loads of different animals from all over the world! Including some of the earth's only real wild ponies, Pree -- preh -- purr -- some funny name horses! Apparently all the other ponies are feral or domesticated. Which is a difference, I guess. Also there are big cats and bears and buffalos and birds. Little animals and big animals and water animals and sky animals and all sorts! It sounds like loads of fun. Let's get going!"

Eliot was looking a fair bit brighter this week than last week, and Pinkie was actually there, bouncy and pink. Everything was back to normal, including the way Eliot was glaring at her.

"Heya everypony!" Pinkie greeted. "This week we're headed somewhere warm and fun again! Just in case you all had your fill of snow."

"You're welcome," Eliot said drily. "Her original syllabus had us going to Siberia this week."

"It just sounds so fun!"

"No." The portal opened up, and Eliot and Pinkie started herding the students through.

"Welcome," Pinkie said, as they looked out over a reflecting pool towards a white, onion-domed and turreted structure "To Agra!"

"Also known as the home of the Taj Mahal," Eliot said. "One of the most famous mausoleums in all of Earth history."

"You all could easily spend the whole class just checking out the Taj itself," Pinkie said. "But Agra has plenty more fun historical monuments to explore, too!"

"And a wildlife reserve, if that's more up your alley," Eliot said.

"So don't let us keep ya!" Pinkie cheered. "Get out there and see what there is to see!"

"Hope you're all dressed warmly enough," Eliot said. "Unlike last week, we're headin' somewhere that understands the concept of winter."

"I tried to point out we didn't have to," Pinkie said. "We coulda gone to September! But noooooo, Eliot doesn't believe in time travel."

Eliot sighed. "I barely trust this company to land us in the same country we're requestin', pony. We ask to go back to September and it's just as likely we wind up in the 30 Years War."

"I don't know why you're so obsessed with wars all the time," Pinkie said, then turned back to the students and brightened. (She might, just possibly, maybe be regretting dragging Eliot of all people along on this class.) "Anywho! Today we're going to see a pretty pretty city! And I hear it might even be snowing there, exciting!"

"Not popcorn snow," Eliot clarified. "Actual snow. We're headin' to one of the shinin' jewels of central Europe, today: Prague."

"Ah, Praha," Pinkie sighed. "So full of historic and cultural sites, according to the internet. There's a bridge lorded over by creepy saints and a clock made out of stars and a hungry wall and a dancing house! And the king is a wax baby and he's guarded by a man made of mud and if you break a law, he'll have you thrown out a window! And someday an ancient dead guy will rise up out of the big hill and retake all of Bohemia!"

"Almost none of that is true," Eliot said, leading the way into the portal, which let out on bustling and snow dusted city square. "This is Wenceslas Square. If you recognize the name, sorry for the earworm. Wenceslas, or Václav, as they say in Czech, is the patron saint of the country, and a very popular name for Czech leaders. Think 'George' for the US. He's the guy some legends say sleeps under the hill and will come back to lead when the Czech Republic is threatened. Or that that statue --" he pointed to an enormous statue of a man riding a horse "-- will come to life and defend Prague. Considerin' all the wars that've been fought through here in the last thousand years, not to mention the communist occupation that resulted in tanks bein' driven through here. . . . Well. I'm gonna say it ain't likely."

"Ye of little faith," Pinkie chided. "There's tons to explore around here! A castle and a really old fort and fancy buildings and historic districts and even a zoo! And it's all soooo prettttty! I don't know how this place inspired so many depressing writers!"

"Yeah," Eliot said. "Literally just mentioned the wars and occupations. Luckily the place is stable just now. And actually has the highest employment rate in the EU. Anyway, we've got maps." He held up a handful of paper. "And there's a major tram stop just behind this Tesco over here for anyone who doesn't want to hike it. Meet us back here at the end of class to get the portal home."

The class met up, much like Pinkie's last class, outside the Portalocity offices on the island. Pinkie waved to the students enthusiastically as they arrived, while Eliot eyed her suspiciously, a notebook tucked under his arm. Once the class seemed to be all gathered, Pinkie got started.

"Hellohellohello!" she greeted, beaming at each student in turn. "Welcome to 'OH THE HUMANITY!: Friendship is International Adventure!' I'm Pinkie Pie!"

There was an awkward pause. Then Pinkie elbowed Eliot.

( Eliot didn't even know she HAD elbows )

"I'm sorry about last week," Pinkie said, looking very sorry indeed as the class walked up. "We were hoping to go to the Equestria Games in the Crystal Empire, but Twilight's still perfecting that spell and we had no idea someplace that creepy even existed in Equestria!" She shook her head, and like somepony flipped a switch, was immediately her usual cheerful self again. "But I'm going to make it up to you this time! We're going to one of the funnest events all over Equestria -- other than my parties, of course -- the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange!"

A portal opened up behind her -- just on time, thanks again, Portalocity! -- and Pinkie led the way through.

"Rainbow Falls is one of the prettier towns in Equestria, as you can see. What with the waterfalls made of rainbows and all. Don't see those much around Fandom, do ya? And every so often they put on a Traders Exchange, where folks from all over Equestria can bring their goods and crafts and even random junk from their attic and offer it up for trade with other ponies! The only rule is that all trades have to be fair, and a trade is fair so long as both ponies agree to the exchange, so it's super self-regulated, and a great place to hunt for that extra special, hard to find something, or just a good bargain!

"We have regular money in Equestria, of course," Pinkie continued as she led the way between stalls selling everything from crystal chickens to rusted cookware to piles and piles of comics. "But sometimes it's good to throw off that old ball and chain and get down to business the old fashioned way. Lots of ponies really prefer a good swap instead of the crass, impersonal exchange of bits. Of course, at the end of the day, when you're trading a thing for a thing which you'll trade for a thing which you'll trade for another thing which you'd trade for YET ANOTHER thing which you're hoping you'll get so you can trade it for what you REALLY want by the time the Exchange ends at sundown, you start to remember why those bits were invented in the first place."

Pinkie stopped in front of a little wagon tucked out of the way, loaded down with an extremely random assortment of brightly colored and slightly dented items. "Here's some stuff for you all to trade other ponies with!" she said cheerfully. "Trading's more than half the fun of the Exchange, so I wanted to make sure nopony missed out. Dig in and fan out, and get trading! Wheeee!"

"Alright, everypony!" Pinkie said as the class gathered. "So we've had a feeeeeew little bumps the last couple weeks, but this week we're gonna be right back on track! Today we're going to see one of the most influential cities in all Equestria!" She led the way through the portal as usual, this time into what looked like a city right out of a fairy tale. There were long winding roads through meadows, graceful sculptures of dancing ponies, classy little boutique cafes, all in shining white stone and centered around a magnificent, sprawling castle. "Welcome to Canterlot!"

Pinkie's rain of confetti was immediately swept up by a skinny, lantern jawed stallion with a pushbroom on his flank. He tipped his hat to the group and carried on sweeping, whistling a jaunty tune.

"Canterlot is the capital city of all of Equestria. It's where Princesses Celestia and Luna live and work, and where they host the big important guests from far away lands like Saddle Arabia! Every year, Princess Celestia hosts the Grand Galloping Gala, the biggest, fanciest -- and between you and me, snootiest and boringest parties in all of Equestria! There's also garden parties in the castle gardens and art shows in the castle art galleries and polo games in the castle polo grounds and -- well, basically everything revolves right around the castle itself. The city was founded by unicorns. That's how it sticks off the side of the mountain like it does without falling! And sometimes it gets attacked by evil creatures like changelings, because it's so important, but Celestia's royal guard ponies are usually up to the task and when they're not, my friends and I pitch in with the Elements of Harmony. We've saved this town so many times, you guys!"

Pinkie led the way to a little square off to one side of the castle, where a fountain topped with another of those dancing pony statues sprinkled merrily. "Princess Celestia is superduper busy today, but Princess Luna promised that she'd stay up a little late so she could come meet up with all of you. She kinda sorta got to meet some of you in my dreams last time I was home, but those were the Pinkie'd versions of you. She says that's not the same thing at all."

"It's really not," a deep, kind voice said, and a dark purple alicorn whose mane seemed to be made of the night sky itself stepped out of the shadows behind the fountain. "Greetings, humans. I am Princess Luna, sister to Princess Celestia and co-ruler of this land. It is my very great honor to welcome you all." She ducked her head in a regal bow, then straightened, looking each student in the eye in turn. "Pinkie Pie has told me a great deal about what she's learned of friendship and peace in her time in your world. I hope that her class has brought as much understanding to you, as well."

"And we can talk all about that really soon," Pinkie promised, grinning up at Luna. "But first: this week in the human world has a very special holiday in it, all about being thankful for new friendships. I mean --" She held up a hoof in Kathy's general direction. "-- It kind of is all based on a fairy tale that didn't really happen that way at all, and that's important to understand, but the spirit of it I think is really super important. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, LET'S PARRRRRTAAAAAY!"

Streamers and balloons exploded from every corner, swiftly decorating the little square in dark blues, reds, and purples, with glittery silver stars and moons and little cloth bats all around. It looked like a birthday party for a gothic six year old.

"Indeed!" Luna cheered, picking up a little rubber spider and hurling it at a net. "Now the fun will be tripled!"

"Hihihi everypony!" Pinkie greeted as the students arrived, running in circles around them like a sheepdog trying to gather a herd together. "No time for lengthy lectures today! Applejack is all set waiting for us on the other side of the portal to have a PIE EATING CONTEST!!!!!!"

Anyone who tried to take that in a dirty way would get blinked at aggressively until they changed the subject.

"C'mon c'mon c'mon let's go those pies aren't gonna stay fresh forever!" Pinkie was going to start pushing students into the portal if they didn't get a move on here. THERE WAS PIE TO EAT, PEOPLE. "We were going to visit Dodge Junction today but then I mentioned that we'd already seen Appleloosa but no swamps at all and Applejack said she had a big delivery going out and it was practically perf --" Pinkie cut off abruptly mid-manic-rant as she stepped through the portal with the last student and nearly walked face first into a flame geyser. "What the HEY?!!!" Pinkie danced in place, spinning to face each new geyser that erupted from the swampy ground all around the small clearing where the portal had let the students out. The portal which had vanished the moment Pinkie's butt cleared the way. "This is the wrong spot!"

Portalocity was going to get a stern talking to from Pinkie when they got back!

"Um, okay." Pinkie turned in place. "Okay, okay. Applejack warned me about this. We just have to get past the fire geysers and then the town is just over the hill. So long as we don't run into --"

"Well now," a voice hissed. "What treat do we have here?" A green snake with large fangs peered out of a bush on the edge of a clearing.

"Well?" a deep growl asked. "Don't leave us in suspense, sister! What is it?"

The snake narrowed her eyes and smirked. "Dinner."

"-- the chimera," Pinkie finished. "Anypony bring along any ricotta?"

Pinkie wasn't waiting for the class as usual outside Portalocity today, which probably wasn't too surprising considering that she'd managed to miss the portal home last week and hadn't been spotted on the island at all since. Still, the portal opened right on time, showing a towering crystal gate and a path to a bright, shining city in the distance.

Then Pinkie burst halfway through the portal, eyes wide and bright, and let out a gleeful *squee* when she spotted everypony. "It worked! Omigosh you guys, I just had the most amazing time! When we were in Las Pegasus I guess last week for you guys I got hit with a spell that my bestest friend Twilight was doing that reversed my cutie mark and made me think I was destined to be an apple farmer and then Twilight had to figure out how to reverse the spell again and then REWRITE THE WHOLE SPELL FROM SCRATCH which is amazing and something nopony has ever done before and that's why she's an alicorn pony princess now! ISN'T THAT EXCITING?! After her coronation we had to sacrifice our elements of harmony which we've only used to save Equestria like a bajillion times to save Equestria all over again from evil chaos trees and now there's a mysterious chest we don't know how to open and Rarity totally made it to fashion week like we thought and it turns out I'm part of Applejack's giant extended family maybe possibly and I met a guy named Cheese Sandwich who tried to steal my party planning thunder but then it turns out he figured out his own party planning destiny watching me and he gave me his very bestest rubber chicken!" Pinkie whipped said rubber chicken out of nowhere and swung it around gleefully by the neck a few times, then blinked. "OH AND. Twilight had to chase a pony through a magic mirror into a human world to get her princess crown back and now she's learned about some human magic and portals and things, which is how we figured out that even though it's been practically forever over here, it might only be a week in Fandom time and I should rush super-duper quick up here to the Crystal Empire to see if I could catch the portal and find you guys AND IT WORKED! So now you're just in time to come and see the Crystal Faire and ISN'T THAT SO EXCITING?!"

Did anypony follow that? No? Yeah, Pinkie probably didn't, either.

Pinkie beckoned everypony through the portal and started leading the way towards the big crystal city. "The Crystal Empire is a very special magic pony community made up of actual crystal ponies! They're see through and everything! They actually disappeared about a thousand years ago for years and years and years because they had to protect . . . love and understanding or something . . . from an evil warlock pony out to take over and destroy it all. I think. Maybe. It was awhile ago? I forget the details. Anywho, they were all gone in stasis or asleep or just vanished for so long that lots of ponies forgot they ever existed, but then one day a couple years ago in pony-time they just -- reappeared! Nopony even knows why! But my friends and I had to come up here and throw the very first Crystal Faire in a thousand years to get the ponies back to their normal magical crystal pony selves and help Princess Cadence and Shining armor defeat the evil king Sombra, so it seemed just perfect to have you all come by and see the very second Crystal Faire! The crystal ponies hold the Crystal Faire to boost their spirits so they can focus all their love and joy at the crystal heart and spread love to all of Equestria!" Pinkie popped up on her hind legs to spread her hooves in the air, creating a temporary rainbow between them to accompany her lecture. "Of course, there was plenty of love in Equestria even without the Crystal Empire around? But I try not to tell them that."

Someday, somepony would point out to Pinkie that that was not actually a whisper.

"So go on and check it out, everyhuman! There's crystal berry punch and crystal corn and flugelhorns!" Nopony let Pinkie have a flugelhorn. "And traditional crafts and even jousting! Fun for everypony! And human! And human-shaped other-type-beings!"

The class arrived at Portalocity to find Pinkie finishing off what promised to have been quite the number with some of the local NPCs townsfolk. A few clerks from Portalocity itself were holding her aloft, and once the music ended, looked like they were straining more than a little to do it. Pinkie fortunately hopped down, relieving their poor straining muscles, and sighed happily to the students.

"Good gosh I love days like these! And guess what, everypony? We're going to one of the very bestest places to burst into fully choreographed musical numbers, the most cosmopolitan city in all of Equestria!" She led them through the portal, which as usual popped up perfectly on time and landed them perfectly just where she'd planned it -- it was possibly she'd made a deal with some malevolent force in order to get such good service -- onto the bright, clean streets of a bustling maretropolis. There were flashing lights and bilboards, towering buildings, and even an oddly familiar green pony statue visible in the nearby harbor. "Welcome welcome everypony! To M --"

Pinkie was cut off by a passing trio of fancily dressed ponies clearly engaged in an energetic, singing stroll through town. "History is happening in Manehattan and we just happen to be in the GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!"

A chorus of other ponies chimed in behind them -- including Pinkie. "THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!"

"Work, work," the three ponies sang, making their way off again, their entrouage chorus trailing behind -- thankfully not including Pinkie.

"-- Manehattan!" Pinkie finished, as though the interruption hadn't even happened. "Wowee, I wonder if they're part of a big Bridleway show!"

"Why, I think you're right!" A bright white unicorn with a purple mane and tail, who some of the students might recognize from their trip to Ponyville, trotted up next to Pinkie. "They look like they're some of the stars of the latest hit on Bridleway. I've heard it's sold out through next year."

"Omigosh!" Pinkie squealed. "What a treat!" She danced in place for a moment, then turned back to the class. "Oh! I forgot! Everypony, this is my friend Rarity! She's here to join us as we go to one of the most amazing events in Manehattan: Fashion Week!"

"Obviously we're not here for the entire week," Rarity assured them. "But I did get us all tickets to see Hoity Toity show his new line! Everypony who's anypony in fashion will be there. Photo Finish, Sapphire Shores. . . ." She sighed wistfully.

"Aw, don't worry," Pinkie threw a leg around Rarity's withers. "You'll make it there someday. Why, Sapphire Shores and Hoity Toity even already know your work!"

"Yes!" Rarity visibly bucked herself back up. "Maybe next year! Anyway, we're not here to learn about little old me. Come along students! We have a runway to see!"

Pinkie wasn't looking nearly as anxious to get to Equestria this week as she usually did. She waited with what even looked like it might be patience (well, on a manic pink pony, anyway, which . . . involved a fair amount of twitching) until everyone seemed to have arrived.

"I just wanted to start today by saying sorry about last week. I didn't realize that the ponies in Appleloosa just moving in the way they did was pretty mean. I'm still happy that everypony worked it all out so they can share that land, but that doesn't make what they did any nicer. Sorry about not thinking about that before we went to visit." Pinkie maintained her very serious and sincerely sorry face for another few beats, then brightened when the portal behind her opened up.

"This week should be much nicer!" she declared, leading the way through onto . . . the road outside Ponyville, where a Twilight Sparkle waited next to a bright purple and pink hot air balloon. "Today we're going to see a very extra special Equestria city, accessible only to pegasuses and other flyers: Cloudsdale!" She threw her hooves excitedly in the air, as was traditional when announcing the name of where they were going. "Now, because Cloudsdale is totally made of clouds, we're going to need some help to be able to tour it, which is what Twilight's here for! She has a special spell she can cast on us to let us walk on the clouds like pegasuses do!"

"That's right, Pinkie," Twilight said. She closed her eyes and concentrated, creating a pink bubble around the students, which burst with glimmering sparkles. "That should do it! You'll be cloud-ready for the duration of class!" Her eyes twitched to one side. "Hopefully."

Pinkie didn't seem to notice Twilight's hesitation. She started waving students into the hot air balloon, which lifted them up to a glimmering, Grecian styled cloud city. "Here it is!" Pinkie announced, hopping out and trotting out a little ways to make room for the students to try out their cloud-walking spell. Thankfully, Twilight's spell seemed to work just as well on humanoids as on ponies; the students might get sore walking on something as fluffy and slightly bouncy as clouds, but they wouldn't go plunging to their dooms.

"Now, Cloudsdale is a unique city in Equestria, not just because it's populated entirely by pegasuses. It's also the only city that actually travels around! It can float anywhere that needs it, which is everywhere, because Cloudsdale's number one industry is weather making!" Pinkie led the way to a complex, open air factory, where she paused, pulling a box of white hard hats out of . . . somewhere. "Safety first! Weather can get pretty exciting, even when it's just being manufactured! There's loads of places in here to explore, so split up if you want and have fun! Just be sure not to touch anything that a pegasus hasn't told you is okay to touch, and whatever you do, don't taste the rainbows!"

Pinkie didn't waste any time outside the Portalocity office, today. As soon as everypony who was going to show up seemed to have shown up, Pinkie started herding the students through the portal (leaving a note behind with instructions for any stragglers on where to find them). "No time to chat!" she cried. "Today we're going to see one of Equestria's amazing cities! Welcome welcome welcome students of Fandom to BALTIMARE!"

Pinkie threw her hooves in the air as the students stood by the guard rail over looking what was probably an eerily familiar looking harbor. As the multiverse would have it, Baltimare, Mare-Land bore tremendous similarity of Baltimore, Maryland right up until canon josses me, save that it was populated almost entirely by ponies, with the occasional griffon or donkey for spice. Pinkie didn't seem to have noticed.

"There's all sorts of fun things to see in this city! Baltimare is nearly as diverse as Ponyville is, so there's loads of attractions for everypony. Right now, we're in the Inner Harbor neighborhood --" yeah, she just totally neighed when she said 'neigh' "-- which is super fun for shopping and restaurants and museums! I was hoping I could bring everypony by for the Daring-Do-Con at the convention center, but I think we juuuuuuuust missed it."

"Only just!" A pegasus, bearing an odd resemblance to the one they'd met last week in Ponyville, flapped by, wearing khaki saddle bags and a pith helmet. "I think they're still sweeping up, if you want to go grab a flier or something."

Pinkie gasped delightedly. "Omigosh! Students, this is A.K. Yearling, author of Equestria's most popular-est book series about an adventure pony who fights evil legends and saves artifacts for museum display! She bases them all on her own real life adventures!"

That still wasn't a whisper, Pinkie.

"Pleased to meetcha," A.K. Yearling said, saluting with one hoof. "Wish I could stick around -- you all are some strange looking beasties -- but I've got a taxi to catch." She whistled, and a boat came zipping up out of nowhere. A.K. floated easily over the water and landed on the boat, waving idly to the class again as it zipped away.

"Byyyyyye!" Pinkie called, waving until the boat was out of sight, then turning back to the class. "Anywho, here's some bits!" She tossed a little bag full of thick golden coins to each student. "Go nuts! We'll meet back here at the end of class for the portal home!"