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fandomhigh2010-01-29 01:05 am
makesfaces.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-01-29 01:05 am
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Business 102: Friday, Period 3, Class 4
"Networking," Jim said after the bell rang. "That's when you talk to someone, even if it's not actually about work, in order to set up some career advancement or set them up to make a sale, something like that. It's also usually no fun at all. You have to sell yourself the whole time and that mean's you're not nearly relaxed enough to make it worth your while in anything but a professional way."
"Fortunately, there are ways to network with absolutely no positive professional ramifications."
"The first and most basic is to participate in water cooler talk. This doesn't actually have to happen around a water cooler. Depending on the office it might be around a certain person's desk. Or a copier while you're making copies. Or outside when you're on a smoke break. This is where you get to know the ins and outs of the lives of the people in your office. What did they watch on TV yesterday? Are they into fantasy sports? Did they have an unfortunate hookup last night and that's why they're wearing the same clothes they had on yesterday? Just don't get carried away and this can be a lot of fun."
"Sometimes, if you get lucky, you'll find a good excuse to ditch work for a few days to go to a conference. This is where you can learn something about your business and meet thousands of people in similar fields. But in reality, you're really going for all of the free stuff. I went to an office supply convention a few years ago and I came away with..."
Jim went to his desk and opened a couple drawers, pulling some general crap out and placing the stuff on his desk as he grabbed it. "Fifteen stress balls with company logos on them. A 128 MB flash drive when that was something to be slightly impressed by. A few dozen pens with company logos on them.... Sorry, some of those were hotel pens, too. My mistake. So many pads of paper that I still haven't used it all up. iPod that doesn't work anymore. I had to win a raffle to get that. And... a pair of briefs, but that is a much funnier story than you're going to get here."
*****
"They're Dwight's," Jim admitted after class. "I always thought he'd be a boxers kind of guy. Probably with beats screen printed on them. Anyway, nobody ever found out how I got them onto the welcome banner, but all it took was twenty bucks, a ladder, and a stapler." Jim shrugged.
*****
"And then there's the company function. It's fine when it's just your regular coworkers. It's pretty much just the water cooler, only with some kind of alcohol. But once you get past your holiday parties and award banquets and move onto corporate luncheons and picnics, you're in some trouble. You might end up playing games or standing around the food with someone who could actually help you advance your career. At that point you have to ask yourself whether or not you really want that. Then, and only then, can you really make up your mind about whether or not you should really try to nail that softball and go for a home run. Your corporate bosses really don't like to lose. But it's highly enjoyable to beat them. Badly. You may not make friends, but you can at least have fun."
"Okay, activity time! We're going to simulate the water cooler conversation. I have a water bottle here," Jim said, holding up a full water bottle and putting it on his desk in front of several stress balls. "Everyone gather around the front of the room and just waste some time by chatting. And you can't stop until you've learned at least three things about either me or your classmates. That can be anything from what they watched on TV last night to who they're dating. Let's get started. And I am fair game. You're probably best off asking me the TV questions."
"Fortunately, there are ways to network with absolutely no positive professional ramifications."
"The first and most basic is to participate in water cooler talk. This doesn't actually have to happen around a water cooler. Depending on the office it might be around a certain person's desk. Or a copier while you're making copies. Or outside when you're on a smoke break. This is where you get to know the ins and outs of the lives of the people in your office. What did they watch on TV yesterday? Are they into fantasy sports? Did they have an unfortunate hookup last night and that's why they're wearing the same clothes they had on yesterday? Just don't get carried away and this can be a lot of fun."
"Sometimes, if you get lucky, you'll find a good excuse to ditch work for a few days to go to a conference. This is where you can learn something about your business and meet thousands of people in similar fields. But in reality, you're really going for all of the free stuff. I went to an office supply convention a few years ago and I came away with..."
Jim went to his desk and opened a couple drawers, pulling some general crap out and placing the stuff on his desk as he grabbed it. "Fifteen stress balls with company logos on them. A 128 MB flash drive when that was something to be slightly impressed by. A few dozen pens with company logos on them.... Sorry, some of those were hotel pens, too. My mistake. So many pads of paper that I still haven't used it all up. iPod that doesn't work anymore. I had to win a raffle to get that. And... a pair of briefs, but that is a much funnier story than you're going to get here."
*****
"They're Dwight's," Jim admitted after class. "I always thought he'd be a boxers kind of guy. Probably with beats screen printed on them. Anyway, nobody ever found out how I got them onto the welcome banner, but all it took was twenty bucks, a ladder, and a stapler." Jim shrugged.
*****
"And then there's the company function. It's fine when it's just your regular coworkers. It's pretty much just the water cooler, only with some kind of alcohol. But once you get past your holiday parties and award banquets and move onto corporate luncheons and picnics, you're in some trouble. You might end up playing games or standing around the food with someone who could actually help you advance your career. At that point you have to ask yourself whether or not you really want that. Then, and only then, can you really make up your mind about whether or not you should really try to nail that softball and go for a home run. Your corporate bosses really don't like to lose. But it's highly enjoyable to beat them. Badly. You may not make friends, but you can at least have fun."
"Okay, activity time! We're going to simulate the water cooler conversation. I have a water bottle here," Jim said, holding up a full water bottle and putting it on his desk in front of several stress balls. "Everyone gather around the front of the room and just waste some time by chatting. And you can't stop until you've learned at least three things about either me or your classmates. That can be anything from what they watched on TV last night to who they're dating. Let's get started. And I am fair game. You're probably best off asking me the TV questions."