fandomhigh | The Art of BS [Thursday, February 12, 2015, 4th period]

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The Art of BS [Thursday, February 12, 2015, 4th period]

"Thanks for leaving your blanket forts and suff to come to class," Josh said, still in his trenchcoat and scarf with his hands stuffed into his pockets for warmth. (No, he couldn't look more like a Washington yuppie if he'd also been carrying a copy of the Washington Post and bitching about the Metro.) "Hopefully you've all used your smooth moves to get dates to the dance tomorrow. Today we're going to riff off of the old 'this isn't cold. Let me tell you about cold' that people do when it's, frankly, ass cold outside and they're mostly trying to distract themselves from how hard their teeth are chattering."

He stomped his feet to improve circulation. "We'll make this fast, then you all can cut out early and head back to the dorms, okay?"

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Cold.

Garik Loran

Flick

Raven Darkholme

Edward Kenway

Kathy Li

Kaylin Neya

Johnny Storm

Short as it is!

"This isn't cold. Let me tell you about cold."

Make up your best story about the time it was way, way colder than this. And you had to walk uphill both ways to wherever.

With everything going on, Flick wasn't too motivated to be that creative today. But still, he could come up with something.

"You ain't seen cold until you had to sleep outside under a park bench and when you woke up, you had icicles in your hair and your limbs were frozen to the ground."

"Question," Josh said, raising his hand. "How'd you get up eventually?"

"Waited till it got warmer," Flick said. "I'm very resilient."

"Cold is skinny dipping on Hoth," face said flatly.

Though where you'd get enough liquid water to do so was a mystery.

"What's a Hoth?" Josh asked.

"Ice planet," Face explained. "Professor Skywalker was complaining about it on the radio today."

Was Face feeling somewhat more vindictive about someone from Tattooine being stuck in the snow this week than he might normally have? Yes, yes he was.

"I don't tend to ask Professor Skywalker anything," Josh admitted. "He looks like he might be able to physically set me on fire with his brain."

"It's not the cold that gets you, it's the windchill." Raven was okay with cold. She wasn't a big fan of wind, though. "You ever been in a cold hurricane? That wind'll throw snow and sleet at you so hard it leaves welts. And you'd better hope you're somewhere indoors with a fire when the eye hits. The temperatures drop so fast the fuel'll freeze in your car while you're driving it."

Okay, so maybe she was stealing this from ~~meta for~~ The Day After Tomorrow.

"Wasn't that a movie?" Josh asked, grinning.

Yes, yes it was. But Raven was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to cop to that. "If there was a movie about it, it's an accurate one."

In which people run away from cold weather.

"I've heard that it's practically a documentary," Josh agreed, nodding. "Like that one with the tornado full of sharks."

"Those poor sharks," Raven lamented. "Just look at what those climate change deniers are letting happen to our world."

"Gives me an idea for class," Josh said with a grin. "Give you all crap from Snopes your Mom sends that she believes is true."

"Wait, you all think this is cold?" Kathy asked, pulling off her two overlayers to do this bit just in her t-shirt. She thought it might help sell her BS. "This is downright balmy. Cold is ~~living in New England right now, dammit~~ midnight in the Arctic winter, when the sun hasn't risen in almost a month and the air is too cold to snow. That's when the cold starts to burn."

"Is this how you can also stick to the ground?" Josh said, pointing to Flick.

"Well, he mentioned eventually thawing, so it's close, but not the same. This is when you have to go outside with eye protection or the whites of your eyes will freeze. In your head. And that hurts."

"Can it be fixed by running from the cold?" he asked.

Because that was a great freaking movie, thanks, Raven.

"...You can outrun the cold in the Arctic?" Kathy asked, skeptical. "I mean, I'm not even that fast."

He pointed to Raven. "There's an amazing movie you need to watch."

"I love movies where 'amazing' is spelled 'terrible!'" Kathy gleed.

Johnny was being a jackass, wearing a short-sleeved shirt and shorts. He could modulate his temperature, what did he care?

"You think this is cold? I know this one kid, calls himself Iceman because he can turn himself into a living popsicle and he's very misguided about his maturity," Johnny said. "One time he froze my toilet when I wasn't expecting it. Now THAT was cold."

At least one of them wants coffee right now.

Kathy just wanted her robo-baby to stop crying. Was he also cold? Was that a thing that Professor Skywalker had coded in for them to fuss over?

"There no electricity!" Kathy hissed. "Why are you still working?"

Yes, yes, she knew why. That didn't mean she had to appreciate it!

"Is it demon-spawn week already?" Josh asked, sighing.

"No, no, I brought you this as a present," Kathy said. "Polls show that the campus thinks you're a little on the cold and impersonal side, so your team thought that the addition of a baby would make you seem a little more approachable."

She held the robot out to him. "Glad we could help."

Maybe he'd be so pleased by her quick BS, he'd take the baby?

Josh burst out laughing. "Nice try, but I'm not touching that thing."

"I'll run and get you more coffee?" She was pulling out all the stops.

"Nope," Josh said. "I'm not even sure the Perk's open today."

"I can run to the mainland?" Kathy offered. "Like I said, I'm really, really fast."

"Thanks but I'm good," Josh said. "Not touching that thing. It'll probably set off an alarm or something..."

Kathy grudgingly conceded the point. "But A for effort, right?"

Come on, at least give her that much.

Meanwhile, here on the other end of the planet, I'm meeeeeeeeeeeelting.

*Throws snow at you*

YAY SNOW.

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. WE ARE STRAIGHT UP FACING FIMBULWINTER UP IN HERE.

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The Art of BS [Thursday, February 12, 2015, 4th period]

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