fandomhigh | Sex Ed, Tuesday Morning

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Sex Ed, Tuesday Morning

This was a regular old class, so they were meeting - or at least doing their first meeting - in a regular old classroom. At the front of the class, or rather, lounging on top of the desk like it was a perfectly normal place to sit, was a tall guy in a red coat with white hair that hung over his face and down to just below his jaw. Said jaw was currently facilitating a massive grin.

"Hey kids," he announced. "Welcome to Fuc--"

The rest of what he was saying was cut off by a slim hand pressing over his mouth and their other teacher - slender, with long, dark hair and a long-suffering expression undercut by the amusement in her eyes - leaned around him to address the class. She'd been sitting behind the desk, but had given up trying to convince Dante to sit anywhere else. There were more important battles to be fought.

Like the name of their damn class. "Sexual Health and Understanding," she filled into the space over his muffled noises behind her hand. "This isn't a class just about sex and sexuality. We're approaching this as a holistic subject that will hopefully teach you about your body, the bodies of others, different aspects of sexuality, and the importance of consent. Please understand now, this is not an abstinence-only course and we will be using appropriate terminology for body parts--" at least one of them anyway "--so we hope you'll work through any embarrassment over the subject matter in order to learn."

Dante finally pried the hand off of his mouth. He was smiling sunnily. "But you can tap out if something grosses you out," he said. "I mean, unless it's about other people's sexual identities and shit, then you can just fuck right off."

Did he blow through that one real quick to avoid another Kathy-ruption? Yeah.

"Still, everybody's different," he said, "so if we're gonna teach you probably badass kids something, we gotta know where to start."

She frowned at him, but didn't disagree with his statement. Either of them, and honestly, that 'fuck' had been warranted. "It's the first week and like any of you veterans already know, it's introductions week. I'm Kathy Li, class of 2016--" technically, even if she hadn't properly graduated, what with being dead and all. "I own Dite's Decadent Delights in town, a store that focuses on sexual health, safety, and pleasure."

She looked at Dante to speak, eyes widening as she belatedly realized she'd opened the door on him explaining his 'qualifications.'

"And I'm Dante Sparda, class of 2017," he said brightly, "I kick demon ass back home in Limbo City and get laid a lot." That explained it all, right? Right! "So you got any practical questions, I'm here for you."

Oh god. Nobody ask him practical questions.

Kathy's face was just...in her hands. She was groaning, but quietly. Because she was a professional. "So let's turn it back back to you," she said, only this time it was her voice that was muffled. "Name, class, uhh..."

She'd had a syllabus but someone had ruined it.

"And we wanna know what you're here to learn," Dante stepped in smoothly. "You know, where are you guys at, and what're you comfortable with learning about? I mean, it's cool if you're like 'I wanna get laid four times a day', though man, is that gonna be tough on you, and it's also cool if you're like 'no sex for me but I wanna make sure everything stays healthy down there', but we do gotta know what's what."

The smile Kathy flashed at him was warm and proud and happy. She knew he could be serious when it mattered and she liked that this mattered. "It's also okay if you're not ready to just announce at that to the class at large. You can write it down or come talk to us individually...or, you know, stand up on your desk and announce it through a bullhorn. We wanna meet you in your comfort zone." Beat. "Dante, get off the damn desk, I didn't mean you."

"What? It's only fair if we start, right? Or is that gonna be weird?"

Dante didn't know how to do this 'being an adult' thing.

... he got off the desk.

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With your nicest icon.

Eleanor Shellstrop

Illyana Rasputin

Wayne

Wei Wuxian

Yeah, they're always like this.

Oh. Eleanor could tell that this class was going to be Fun.

"Name, class, uhh..." Kathy trailed off.

"And we wanna know what you're here to learn," Dante stepped in smoothly. "You know, where are you guys at, and what're you comfortable with learning about? I mean, it's cool if you're like 'I wanna get laid four times a day', though man, is that gonna be tough on you, and it's also cool if you're like 'no sex for me but I wanna make sure everything stays healthy down there', but we do gotta know what's what."

So... what's what?

“I’m Eleanor Shellstrop. Senior. And I didn’t even sign up for this course but clearly the moose thought I could pick up a few pointers. So I’m pretty much down with whatever.”

She smirked. “In class or out.”

"Nice," Dante said.

Was he going over there to get a high five?

Yeah he was.

(He was so bad at being an adult.)

Oh and if you thought Eleanor was going to leave a teacher hanging you would be wrong. Heck yeah she high-fived back.

"I'm already loving this class. I may not even skip it!"

"Awesome," Dante said approvingly. "Fuck, you remind me of me when I went to school here." Beat. "Like five minutes ago."

"Well I appreciate you bringing your horn-dog knowledge and wisdom to the younger generation," Eleanor said leaning back in her chair. "Fork, this class is going to be awesome."

Kathy was just going to groan quietly some more behind the desk.

He didn't need encouragement, Eleanor.

"Honestly, I wasn't even sure this was actually a class," Eleanor admitted. "I figured it was some teacher's attempt to get paid and watch porn."

If you thought Eleanor actually read the class description you would be so wrong.

"No, Dante," Kathy said.

Immediately.

"What?" Dante said, eyes big. "I know the real thing ain't porn."

"Doesn't stop me from watching it," Eleanor said rolling her eyes at Kathy.

"Does stop us from using it as a movie day in class though," Kathy said. Firmly.

To both of them.

If this turned into a rehashing of The Porn Party or whatever, she was setting the classroom on fire.

"What you do on your own time is all you."

Eleanor raised an eyebrow at that. And smiled.

"Soooooo is that my homework assignment then?"

Best. Class. Ever.

"Yeah, sure," Dante said, grinning. "Next week you can tell us what you learned."

"Illyana Rasputin, junior." Illyana looked like she wasn't sure if she wanted to be amused or annoyed by all of this. "I think I'm here because of a moose-prank. Or my guardian is too much of a coward to give me the birds and bees talk himself."

HARD SAME, ILLYANA. HARD SAME.

"Well, that's the least of what we'll be covering in this class, so there's at least one point in your guardian's favor if that option's true," Kathy said. "The moose? Can't do anything there and too smart to try, but we'll try to at least make it worth your while anyway."

Illyana shrugged. "As long as it's not as full of nonsense as the internet, it will be educational," she said. "My education so far has been magical, not practical."

Shockingly, demons did not teach sex ed in hell planes.

"If I can promise nothing else, I can promise that we will be less full of bullshit than the internet," Kathy said seriously.

And then facepalmed. Language, Katherine.

"M'Wayne," Wayne offered.

And then...

...after some surprisingly expressive squinting how how static his face was, especially in the eyebrows, decided that, yup. That'll do.

Oh, wait.

"M'a senior."

There. That should cover it.

"Missed a question there, gruff guy," Dante said, crossing his arms.

There were a few blinks in fairly rapid succession before Wayne replied.

Maybe the blinks were the reply! Some sort of code, mebbe.

(They were not).

"Oh?" he asked, even managing to throw a little bit of an inquirous intonation on it. "Did I?"

"Yeah, 'why are you here'," Dante said, figuring that was more comfortable than 'okay so what is your general proficience at naked shit'.

"It was on my schedule," said Wayne.

General proficiency was not the problem here. But it was impolite to kiss and tell, and there was such a thing as too much horn talk, and a fella oughta be fuckin' aware of it.

But he did understand that this was an...academic setting, and whatnot, so he relented slightly.

"An' considerin' the name of the class, I'm assumin' it's to be learnin' about...sex...But, fuck. Yer the teacher here, aren'tcha? So's you tell me."

"Can't teach you shit if I don't know what you don't know, man," Dante said, letting out a soft snicker. "I'm just gonna write you in for the basics, then."

"Wei Wuxian, senior," Wei Wuxian said. "I never heard of a whole class about sex before. Though a friend had an extensive collection of books that have been very informative." He scratched the side of his nose. "I want to learn all of it. Health, positions, technique, everything." They weren't cultivators, so he didn't ask about dual cultivation, but maybe the library would have books on that. "Can you really do it four times a day?"

Kathy had thought she'd been prepared for every question. After all, she'd been running Dite's for pretty much forever.

Still, Wei Wuxian's question had taken her off-guard and she flushed a bit, darting a glance over to Dante before she remembered to not do that. "It depends on a lot of things," she said. "Your refractory period for one, and that of your partner or partners. What you consider to be included in 'sex' is another. Some people think of sex only as intercourse. Others consider it to be more general than that - which is why discussions about what count as sex are very important to have with your partners, to avoid misunderstanding."

Another half-glance, quickly averted.

"But yes. It's absolutely possible to have intercourse four times within a twenty-four hour period. Nor is that the upper number."

Beat.

"...Probably."

#NailedIt.

"That is good information," Wei Wuxian said, looking thoughtful. "Thank you, Master Li."

Kathy gave him a smile. "That's what we're here for," she told him. Then tilted her head to the side. "Can I ask when you're from?"

"China," Wei Wuxian said. "But it's different from the China that most people here know. I think I traveled in time when I came here."

"Oh!" Kathy said, and then asked him, in very oddly accented Classical Chinese, \\Can you understand me?//

Wei Wuxian's eyes brighten. "Yes! Have you been to China?"

Kathy shook her head, but grinned widely. "Dante has," she said. "But my family is from Korea - err, Goryeo?" She had no idea how much of modern history and geography Wei Wuxian had picked up. It wasn't like Fandom was known for its thorough grounding in either area. "I started learning Hanja as a child, after school."

Because after regular school let out, there was hangwon for more specific Korean-based studies.

Edited 2021-01-06 05:37 (UTC)

"Oh!" Wei Wuxian said. "I know a little about Goryeo. The Cloud Recesses library has some books from there. We don't do much trade with them, though. You had school after school? Were you being punished?"

Kathy shook her head, glanced at Dante again, and then raised her hand to seesaw it a little. "Growing up in America, I went to American schools. But I lived in Koreatown, with a lot of other Korean immigrants. And they wanted their children to learn a Korean curriculum, too. So we would go to school and learn American things, and then to hagwon to learn Korean things. Which included hanmun and eumhun - how to read Classical Chinese and how to pronounce it." She chuckled lightly. "I'm afraid I read it far better than I speak it."

One of them is lounging, the other one looks like a font of nervous energy about to burst. Guess who's who.

Dante had gotten off the desk, but he was definitely still kind of halfway leaning against it.

Why was he wearing that coat indoors? It was a mystery for the ages.

(Laziness. It was laziness.)

Kathy was sitting behind the desk again, writing something in a notebook and maybe giving thought to keeping a flask in one of the drawers.

For her, obviously, and it was all Dante's fault.

(Much like lounging, Kathy hadn't bothered to argue with him over the coat. He was wearing a shirt and that was far more important.)

Edited 2021-01-05 16:07 (UTC)

Tuesday.

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Sex Ed, Tuesday Morning

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