So You Want to Be a Detective; Friday, First Period [01/26].

[died8yearsago]

Another week, another scenario, another lesson in how to be a detective. This week, however, the class had moved from down on the farm to deep into the trenches....of Dark Academia, apparently. The danger shop opened up into a sort of study, the kind with a big ass fireplace and bookshelves so tall that they needed ladders that went around to reach some of the higher shelves. Rich mahogany, heavy velvet curtains, probably a raven perched on a bust somewhere, that kind of shit. Still, for how massive those details were, or maybe because of it, the place did feel a little cramped and cluttered, thanks to the high-backed wing chairs and the incredibly ostentatious wooden desk that seemed to be the focal point of the office.

On the wall behind the desk, there was a portrait of the kind of an old man who definitely looked like he'd burned a couple of witches back in his day that was swung away from the wall, to reveal a safe that had clearly been broken into, which seemed entirely empty now. The desk was an absolute clutter of papers, books, and other things, and there were quite a few books thrown and scattered to the floor from some of the shelves. Drawers hung open with wild abandon, and a liquor cart near the fireplace seemed to be bereft of anything but Malort. The fancy, heavy Persian rugs on the hardwood floor had been upended and knocked askew, one of them in particularly very deliberately to make room for the outline of, presumably, a figure that had fallen there.

"Today," she said, "we're focusing on looking for clues."

She gestured to the room as a whole.

"This was the study of a professor at a very prestigious university," she said. "Of history or anthropology or something like that, figure it out, I'm not the detective here, you are. Anyway, he was robbed," she hitched a thumb toward the safe, " and murdered," pointing down at the outline, "last night. Clearly, whoever did it was looking for something specific, though we don't know what was actually stolen. So there's two directions you can take here: try to find clues that might lead to whodunit, or focus more on trying to figure out what exactly had been pilfered. I have some witness testimonies," she held up a manilla folder for a moment before smacking it into her hand, "so see me if you want to know more about those, but you've got free reign of the crime scene.

"Don't get used to that in the real world," she added with a snort. "If I wanted to make this actually realistic, I'd have included about a bazillion hoops for you to have to jump through first. But since this is all about learning the basics, investigate at will. Let's see what you can come up with."

Feeding Yourself 101, Friday Second Period

[carbsliftthespirit]

Raiden was munching on a strip of bacon when the students arrived for this week's class. Okay, several strips of bacon, one after the other. Don't worry, guys. He had more bacon where that came from.

"Last week, we covered your most basic breakfast options," he said. "This week we're moving on to protein, because protein is important. Specifically, we're going to be talking about eggs, bacon, and sausage, because those are your most common breakfast proteins in this part of the world. You're not limited by these! Ham is also a popular option, and in the South you often see pork chops for breakfast, or fried chicken biscuits." Oh, shoot, had he put biscuits on the syllabus? He'd fix that.

"Let's start with eggs. Now, there are so many things you can do with eggs. I could teach a whole class just on eggs. But we're going to cover your basic breakfast egg options here: scrambled, fried, boiled, and, a little more advanced, poached. I think scrambled is the most beginner-friendly, because you don't have to worry about keeping the yolks whole, but you should find the kind of eggs that's right for you! And not the kind that's right for the person you're dating, Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride." He was just saying. Raiden handed out packets on how to make the various egg options, then said, "We're also going to cover a secret extra egg option, which is that you can bake them in the oven!! I like these whoopie pie tins because they're the perfect size for breakfast sandwiches, plus you can make whoopie pies in them, but you can also use muffin tins or just a baking dish and cut them up into pieces. This is a great idea if you're feeding a bunch of people--back home it's breakfast for seven at my place every day--or if you want to do meal prep, like making freezer egg McMuffins!

"Next, let's talk about meat. For sausage, you have a range of options. There's sausage made with pork, or turkey or even chicken, and I'm sure there's also vegetarian breakfast sausage out there, but that's between you and your god. Sausage also comes in a variety of shapes." Heh, sausage shapes. "You can buy links or pre-shaped patties, but me, I like a log." A sausage log. "It gives you the widest range of options. You can make your patties whatever size you like, or crumble it up. There are also a surprising range of bacon options out there--you can even buy duck bacon!--but at most supermarkets it's just gonna be regular pork bacon and turkey bacon. If you're cooking more than one or two pieces of bacon--and you should, because even if it's just for you then you don't have to cook bacon again tomorrow--you should always, always cook it in the oven. And save your bacon fat! That's culinary gold right there."

Raiden finished demoing scrambled eggs and frying sausage to the class, then said, "Now it's up to you! What do you want to make? And if you want to make a breakfast sandwich out of it, we have English muffins and cheese available, and I've got some bacon cooked if anyone wants snacking bacon while they're working." Because he was considerate like that.

Beaker No!/Beaker Yes! [Friday 1/26, 3rd Period]

[but_mostly_america]

Sam Eagle was, as always, perfectly punctual.

“Students! We shall be learning about music today! Perfectly normal music, of course. Music not compelled by any meddling islands or other outside forces! Music that is not, in any way, weird!”

Beaker, riding in on a piano bike, had been told no such thing. Or if he had been told, he'd completely ignored it.

…it was probably the second thing. "Meep meep mee?"

“I said we would be learning about the pianoforte, Beaker!” Sam snapped.

And not a piano torch? Because Beaker'd brought a piano torch! "Meep mee!" he said, lighting the torch and holding it up over his head like a slightly deranged Olympian.

“Joseph from legal expressly forbid the use of open flames in your classes!”

"Meep meep meep meep meep," Beaker said, looking up at the torch. It wasn't that big a flame, Sam!

“No, it is not small enough that nobody will notice! I have already noticed! The students have noticed! It is a flame! Any flame is too large for you!”

But, but…look as he sets the interior of the piano on fire! It looks so cool, Sam! So very Eurovision! The classiest and best of music!

Sam really, really needed to consult with Captain Rogers’s husband about fire suppression methods for the classroom. Otherwise he was just going to continue being a sad, wet eagle every time the sprinklers started.