The Various Gods & You, Monday, First Period

[ifwebeworthy]

Just the one teacher this week, although it was the other teacher. "So," Don said, "I hear it was Parents Weekend, and some of you may have had some visitors." Not Don! He didn't have parents. It was fine. He'd done a lot of emotional processing while stuck in the void, and it was...most of the time it was fine. "This is your friendly reminder that however annoying or crazy your family might seem, it could be worse: you could be a god!"

He yanked the cord to roll up the shade over the board to reveal a family tree that was, uh, rather more detailed than he'd expected, and also done in Thor's rather distinctive handwriting. "Probably should have expected that," he muttered under his voice, then shrugged and went with it. "So, this is Cronus," he said, pointing to the correct part of the board with his walking stick. "Cronus deposed his father, Uranus, after, uh, castrating him, but then he was afraid of being deposed by his own children--" Don circled the general area of the Olympians with the stick, "so instead of not having kids he had a bunch of kids and then, uh, ate them. Except Zeus," another thwack of the stick against the board, "who was raised in secret, then came back and forced his father to puke his siblings back up--they were fine--before he deposed him and imprisoned him in Tartarus. Zeus, as we've covered previously, then married his sister Hera, although their marriage was not a happy one because Zeus couldn't stop slutting around. Dionysus," pointing at another part of the board, "born from Zeus' thigh after Hera tricked his mother, Semele, into getting herself struck with one of Zeus' thunderbolts. The twins Artemis and Apollo, their mother was pursued by a giant snake called the Python until she found a place she could safely give birth. Among Zeus' mortal children, we have Perseus, conceived in a shower of, uh, golden rain," just don't think too hard about that one, "and the famed Helen of Troy, who hatched from an egg alongside her brother Pollux after their mother was seduced by Zeus in the form of a swan.

"And so you see," Don said as he lowered his stick, which hit the ground with a thunk and not even a little bit of lightning, "Your family could always be worse. Hopefully. If your family beats this mess then I'll be buying you a drink after class." Even though it was morning, and even if they were underage. They would deserve it. "Are there any questions? Did I make anyone feel better?" Or were you still trying to process the 'seduced by a swan' part or...anything that preceded it?

Sex and Sexuality, Monday

[sharp_man]

Today the instructors were standing in front of the class as if nothing had happened.

"Welcome back," Hannibal said. "Today we are once more discussing sex."

"And we're doing it clinically and scientifically, because anything else would be creepy in this context," Jon said firmly. "Though apparently we're doing it on paper like this is the seventies."

Hannibal began passing out the paper handouts he was holding. "Paper is more practical to keep around than tablets."

"This class could've been an email," Jon muttered.

Hannibal gave him a look. "My alma mater offers some good information about safer sex, which is where we'll start. We assume that any of you may choose to have sex at some point, and there will be no judgement attached to when you do or do not choose it. But it is important to keep yourself safe from diseases."

"We have some of the options up here," Jon said, gesturing at the table where they were laid out. "And we'll discuss how they all work. And apparently putting condoms on bananas is tradition, so we'll be practicing that, too."

"It is a classic for a reason, I suppose." Personally Hannibal would have gone with actual dildos, which would have been more instructional.

And creepy, Jon maintained, so bananas it was.

Fast Talking, Monday, Period 2

[good_for_six]

When any students arrived at the classroom, there was a note on the door.

Class cancelled.

Like any of you were going to focus after Parent's Weekend, anyway.

[Yuuuuup.]