Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

[doesdoctorstuff]

For once, Navaan was neither passed out on her desk when class filed in or suffering from a misery of a hangover. On the other hand, that meant she was prepared for class, which, for some reason, involved a great many moddable craft supplies, including whole swathes of fabric, scissors, sewing machines, cardboard, markers, and, of course, glitter. So, so, much glitter. The glitter was never coming out, sorry folks. It was like the unholy love child of a JoAnn Fabrics and a Michaels that then got drunk of Goldschlager.

By the time class was done, you might be wishing that she'd just rolled in drunk.

"Welcome to Romancing for Dummies," she said brightly. "So, you poor, lonely saps have been looking at your love lives lately, realized that it was a howling, desolate wasteland of emptiness, and decided to get off your asses and change that. Good for you! Good job showing initiative! I mean, you've all still got a whole long way to go, look at yourselves, but this is a step in the right direction. Now, of course, romance is hard and boring and you'll probably be happier skipping out on that and going for a lifetime of casual sex and drug use, but I dunno, some of you got that romantic type look about you that says you actually want, like, emotions. Which probably means you're still a virgin because orgasms feel better than love any day--" Or so she was assuming, who knew? "--but that's between you and your whoever or whatever. God, partner, partners, sentient right hand, whatever.

"Anyway, I'm a doctor, which means I have a lot of practice seducing secrets out of people, because that's what doctors do." Obviously. Keep up, class. "And I explained to my little guys who were helping me, when it comes to seduction, you can't just give them what they think they want. Why not? Because that's not seduction. That's romance. Probably. Seducing involves keeping your target intrigued, surprised, and a little bit afraid. But what they both have in common?"

She paused for dramatic effect. Don't worry class, you had no way of guessing what she was about to say next unless you'd read the comic. But duh. That was why she was teaching this class and you weren't.

"That's right! Costumes! Seduction costumes are sexy, but also a little bit menacing, but also inviting. Romancing costumes are also sexy, so you can get past the mushy feelings stuff to flanging faster, but actually in tune with what the other person wants. So you're gonna have to think. What does whoever you're trying to romance like? What do they find sexy? What do they want? In what ways can I flaunt myself like a weird bird or whatever that does weird dances like on the nature documentary I watched with John last night after Arthur fell asleep? So that's what we're doing today, folks! You're gonna settle in and make yourself a good romancing costume and introduce yourself in it and then I'm going to critique it and explain why you're probably never gonna find anybody if that's what your taste is like!"

She gestured to the mounds of supplies. "Okay! Get at it! Show me your romantic prowess through the medium of costume!"

Hitting Things With Big, Sharp Sticks; Friday, Third Period [07/12].

[sword_chocobro]

The training space that Gladio had set up in the danger shop for his class was large, and a little on the fancier side, bringing to mind some of the training spaces at the citadel, the wide open spaces under a very, very tall domed ceiling (needed lots of vertical space, really, for teleporting and lancers like Iggy), flanked by large marble columns running along the length of the room. There were a few practice dummies, of course, some mats, and a rack of weapons waiting, most of them massive in size, some taller even than Gladio himself, but several smaller (but no less ridiculous) ones as well.

And he stood at the center of all of it with a big grin on his face and his hands on his hips as he waited for everyone to file in.

"Hey, guys," he started, "and welcome to Hitting Things With Big, Sharp Sticks, which is just fancy way of saying this class is all about swords. Especially big swords, because I'm a big guy and I like a big sword to match," yes, that grin showed that he knew exactly how that sounded, "and I wanna teach you guys how to handle those big heavy swords yourself."

Yup, that, too.

"Now, today," he said, "we're going to keep things pretty simple. I'd like to start with some introductions: name, any weapon handling experience, any battle experience, maybe what you're hoping to get out of the class. And then you're going to go ahead and try and find a sword that you feel comfortable with; I'm not expecting anyone to be wielding a big greatsword like I'm using toting around, although if that's your style, even better. But nothing wrong with starting out where you feel the most comfortable, and then we'll work up to it. Once you've got a sword that feels pretty good, we're going to go over some basics on how to use them, we'll talk about whether or not what you've picked is the right fit and how you can tell, and then we'll go over some of the fundamental swings involved.

"I've also got some bamboo training swords that aren't danger shop generated," he gestured toward those, "so you can take one home to practice in your off time, if you want. It's not required, but I highly recommended it if you really want to take what you're learning during class and have it stick in any useful way.

"So, with that said," he clapped his hands together, "introductions! While others are going, take some time to stretch out and warm up if you haven't already, because this class is definitely going to be a work-out, especially for those arms! Who wants to get started?"

Kitchen Design According to Nancy Meyers; Friday, Fourth Period [07/12].

[died8yearsago]

Rosa was at the front of the classroom, leaning on the desk with her arms folded in front of her and a narrow-eyed glare permanently fused on her face.

"You know what?" she said, after a long, long moment of just that to fill the start of class, as if she hadn't quite decided how she was going to handle this, and then reached a very firm conclusion. "I'm a little pissed at you guys. I didn't think anyone was going to sign up for this class. I was pretty sure I was going to have a nice free session, but, no, you asshats had to go and ruin it."

And she didn't even know one of you! That didn't get you off, though, Flint, whoever the hell you were. And Tightpants. Oh, don't even get her started.

"So here's what we're going to do," she said, pushing off the desk and lifting a remote for the projection screen behind her. "I'm just going to make you jackoffs sit here and watch my favorite Nancy Meyers movies, and then we're going to talk about the kitchens in them, and I'm not even going to bother breaking down how amazing and iconic they are, and how every little detail if rife with rich symbolism that speaks to the greater heart that makes her characters so endearing and relatable. We're just going to sit, and watch, and then you two can sweat it out while I contemplate the sheer genius of contained in one smart, intelligent, capable powerhouse of a woman who has been at the prime of her achievements almost as long as I've even been alive!"

And with that biting and angry little spiel, she pressed play on the remote so fiercely, it was a miracle it didn't just break under the pressure.

Cultural Appropriation, Friday 7/12, Second Period

[but_mostly_america]

Where was Beaker? Best not to ask. Of course, in Sam’s opinion it was always best not to know too much about anything Beaker was up to.

“Good morning, class! Welcome to Cultural Appropriation, a class where we shall discuss appropriate culture!”

That was when a a weasel in a suit entered the room carrying a truly staggering pile of paperwork which he set down with a solid thunk.

“Ah yes,” Sam said, nodding. “Joseph is here with some forms for you all to fill out. Very standard waivers. Nothing to concern yourselves about.”

Joe shook his head. “You should always be concerned when someone asks you to sign a legal document! You should read it thoroughly. I would have thought you, of all Muppets, would know that Sam!”

Sam looked briefly ashamed. Very briefly. “Of course they should read the forms! I only meant they should not be concerned that we were handing them forms!”

Joe made a little “hrm” noise and began speaking again. “It has come to my attention that the name of this course might be misleading. As a result, at the request of my colleague Mr. Eagle, the legal department has drafted these waivers. In order to protect The Muppets and this school from any unfortunate repercussions these forms must be signed, in triplicate, before this class can officially begin. I recommend you read them, including the fine print, before signing anything. However I am not your legal advisor and so this does not constitute official legal advice."

Sam was nodding along as Joe spoke. He loved bureaucracy! “Fine print. Such a fine invention!”

“These forms are for you, Sam.” Joe slid a small stack over to him.

“Excellent! Class, please pick up your forms and a pen here at the front of the room and then return to your seats to read and sign!”

Big Thinking, Deep Drinking [Fri, Period 5]

[jedigrammarians]

Class had been directed to meet at the House of Ill Repute. Because that was a reasonable and normal place to hold class, and not simply because it was both convenient and less likely to result in drunk people falling off the side of a ship than some pirate's suggestions.

"Welcome, kids," Aphra greeted them, because if she was holding class in her living room, she certainly wasn't going to expend the effort to come up with a new intro, it was a Friday, after all. "Welcome to Big Thinking, Deep Drinking, where we explore the the intertwined nature of philosophical discussion and the drinking of social beverages"

"Because every idea sounds more profound when you're drunk," Isabela intoned wisely, as she produced a bottle of something very expensive that their workshop budget had paid for. Several bottles actually, since they needed enough to share. "Or when you've had so much coffee you're convinced you can see sounds."

"We'll start with something simple," Aphra said. "We're going to go around the circle and introduce ourselves and a bit of our life philosophies as we have a bit of a friendly drink."

"Who knows, maybe it'll change your lives."

Probably not. Let's be real.