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doesdoctorstuffNavaan blinked owlishly at her students as they filed into the classroom again. She'd been out drinking with the raccoons this time, and the few hours of sleep she'd caught before class started hadn't really been enough to make her feel awake.
Mornings were stupid anyway. Nobody liked them. What purpose did they serve, besides to give people more time to sleep?
On the other hand, it had made today's subject fairly easy to plan. So that was something, right? "All right, all right, we've been talking a lot about, you know, writing. And that's important for writing a book. But just because you know how to write doesn't mean that you're always up for it. Usually, if that happens, you can just roll over and go back to sleep, but sometimes that's not always a possibility. Maybe you've got a deadline coming up or maybe you made a bet that you could totally write a chapter after a bar crawl or maybe you're super-hungover but you have to write another story to put the Great Fell Beast of Thowikstal back into his not-really-eternal slumber. Point is, there are lots of times you're going to have to write when you really don't wanna. Fortunately, there are a lot of things you can drink to give you that extra oomph during your scene."
She thought about writing on the chalkboard, but decided that would be waaaaay too much effort. The class would just have to follow along if they wanted the benefit of her pearly gems of wisdom. Keep up, folks. "First is life-giving, life-saving, blessed coffee. You drink enough of that, and you can pretty much power through anything. It keeps you going long after you otherwise would have stopped and if you drink enough of it, your mind can make the most awesome connections! Downsides include getting so jittery that you have trouble writing and the later realization that the connections you made actually bordered on insanity. Still worth it!"
"Then there's alcohol. Lots of authors have drank heavily while writing! As you get older, you'll also learn to pair different kinds of booze with different scenes! Drink gin or tequila to get in the mood to write very action-packed scenes, especially fighting scenes and violence! Mixed drinks and wine are great to get you into the mood for sexy scenes--use wine if you want it to be romantic and classy, and fruity mixed drinks if you wanna get it down and dirty. Vodka makes for good scenes for where you're exploring tough family dynamics, musing about the futility of life, and any scene where the cold rain or drifts of snow outside become important. Rum, obviously, is necessary for any scene with pirates in it. And parties. And maybe other scenes that start with 'p', I don't know, I can't give you all my good secrets."
Some of this stuff, you'd just have to find out on your own! Navaan encouraged experimentation! "You can drink tea if you want to feel fancy, but it won't do much for you. How is watered down coffee that also tastes like stewed grass supposed to make your novel better? It doesn't. Milk is useful if you put it in your coffee, or as a mixer, or maybe for milkshakes that you can put booze in. Juices can give you a little more energy and has lots of vitamins and stuff, which is why you should mix it with alcohol. Then your drinks are healthy!"
This was science, class.
Mornings were stupid anyway. Nobody liked them. What purpose did they serve, besides to give people more time to sleep?
On the other hand, it had made today's subject fairly easy to plan. So that was something, right? "All right, all right, we've been talking a lot about, you know, writing. And that's important for writing a book. But just because you know how to write doesn't mean that you're always up for it. Usually, if that happens, you can just roll over and go back to sleep, but sometimes that's not always a possibility. Maybe you've got a deadline coming up or maybe you made a bet that you could totally write a chapter after a bar crawl or maybe you're super-hungover but you have to write another story to put the Great Fell Beast of Thowikstal back into his not-really-eternal slumber. Point is, there are lots of times you're going to have to write when you really don't wanna. Fortunately, there are a lot of things you can drink to give you that extra oomph during your scene."
She thought about writing on the chalkboard, but decided that would be waaaaay too much effort. The class would just have to follow along if they wanted the benefit of her pearly gems of wisdom. Keep up, folks. "First is life-giving, life-saving, blessed coffee. You drink enough of that, and you can pretty much power through anything. It keeps you going long after you otherwise would have stopped and if you drink enough of it, your mind can make the most awesome connections! Downsides include getting so jittery that you have trouble writing and the later realization that the connections you made actually bordered on insanity. Still worth it!"
"Then there's alcohol. Lots of authors have drank heavily while writing! As you get older, you'll also learn to pair different kinds of booze with different scenes! Drink gin or tequila to get in the mood to write very action-packed scenes, especially fighting scenes and violence! Mixed drinks and wine are great to get you into the mood for sexy scenes--use wine if you want it to be romantic and classy, and fruity mixed drinks if you wanna get it down and dirty. Vodka makes for good scenes for where you're exploring tough family dynamics, musing about the futility of life, and any scene where the cold rain or drifts of snow outside become important. Rum, obviously, is necessary for any scene with pirates in it. And parties. And maybe other scenes that start with 'p', I don't know, I can't give you all my good secrets."
Some of this stuff, you'd just have to find out on your own! Navaan encouraged experimentation! "You can drink tea if you want to feel fancy, but it won't do much for you. How is watered down coffee that also tastes like stewed grass supposed to make your novel better? It doesn't. Milk is useful if you put it in your coffee, or as a mixer, or maybe for milkshakes that you can put booze in. Juices can give you a little more energy and has lots of vitamins and stuff, which is why you should mix it with alcohol. Then your drinks are healthy!"
This was science, class.