Bad Ass Bitch Life Lessons; Wednesday, First Period [02/05].

[died8yearsago]

When the students came into the classroom that morning, they would find two pies sitting on the desk, and their teacher over by the projector, looking irritated and annoyed. Which was not anything new, the irritated and annoyed part, but still, it seemed directly relatedt to the fact that no matter which slide she went to, it seemed to project the same image.

"Where's the one," Rosa was muttering as she hit the projector, and it changed...to the same comic, "about the pie? It was supposed to be one about pie."

It was definitely not one about pie. There may have never been one about pie. There may never be one about pie, and class was about to start, so, with a frustrated grunt, Rosa punched the projector one more time, the image on the board shuttered slightly, and then settled.

"Well," she announced, "we were going to do one about pie, because that was the one I picked out yesterday, but I guess the class doesn't want to do pie today, so we're doing this one instead:

"I was going to get one of those greeter jobs at the discount store...
Until I found out that 'Kiss my Ass' still doesn't count as a greeting."

Rosa sighed, shook her head. "Okay, so, really, 'Kiss my Ass' is more of a way to say good-bye than hello, but I can see how it can be sort of an Aloha situation where it means both. Still, probably not the best way to start a conversation, though it's serviceable. Let's talk greetings. What would you say are some Bad Ass ways to start a conversation? Personally, I'm a big fan of not saying anything at all and just staring the person down until they give you the information you want," Rosa, were you talking about conversations? Or interrogations?, "or just leave. Just saying 'What?' is great, too, because it's really vertatile. You can modulate your tone to match the level of how little you want to actually talk with someone. Generally, though, normal greetings are for losers, but you've got options. Let's hear what you've got to offer.

"Also," she added, "since this class was actually supposed to be about pie, I have two pies here. One is from a place called the Flatbush Diner. The other is from a place called Crust. I was going to have you try them both and tell me which one is better. One of my old coworkers insists it's hers, but she's clearly wrong and I need a blind-taste-test to prove it." Even though Boyle had already proved, ages ago, that they were both spectacularly wrong. That was beside the point. "And since we have the pie, we might as well at least keep that part of what I had planned, since this asshole," she hitched a thumb at the projector, "is the worst. Okay. Grab some pie. Let's talk."

There was a faint pause.

"Honestly, though, 'grab some pie' isn't a bad greeting, either. It's hard to go wrong with pie in most situations."

[[ and ocd is...up! ]]

Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

[betterthanaplan]

Duke arrived at the classroom today ready for anything. And found nothing more unusual than blackout curtains over the windows and a small flock of hairy-looking, football sized birds gamboling about and building little burrow-like nests under the desks.

"Huh. Guess the moose decided to give me a break, huh?"

One of the birds suddenly catapulted at him across the floor, swiped at his shin with its razor sharp claws, and then went tumbling off back to its nest. Duke breathed hard through his nose, slipped back out through the door, and went to go gather some extra supplies.

Class rules:
1. Do not eat the birds
2. Do not FEED the birds
3. DO NOT GET EATEN BY THE BIRDS
4. Protective gear must be worn at all times in the classroom

"Make sure to grab some shin guards on your way in," Duke told the students. "Pete over there especially is being a little bitch. And, uh, sorry about the lights. Apparently these suckers are nocturnal, so we're working in the dark today."

Whether Pete's attack had been because Duke was tall and loud, the lights were too bright, or Pete was just Like That was anybody's guess.

"So today we've got kiwis. They're small, stupid-looking, and will disembowel your legs if you're not careful. We're going to make them hats worthy of the Kentucky Derby. Or possibly a royal wedding. Because nothing says a classy day out like a nocturnal bird from another hemisphere wearing a comically large, overly embellished hat."

Sex Education, Wednesday, February 5, 2020

[sith_happened]

"Hopefully you all have finished your in-depth research projects into the various sexually transmitted infections and diseases of this planet," Anakin said, then nodded to Sidon, "or to your own home dimension, if you believed that would be of use to your classmates as well."

He sat down at one of the student desks. "Now it's time for public speaking, which may be scary but is not as scary as rendering yourself sterile because you slept with the wrong person without proper protection. Let's begin."