Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

[betterthanaplan]

Duke, god love him, had honestly thought he might be able to come in and have the class do something other than bird hats, today. Maybe some bird themed yoga poses. Or read a story about a bird! He really ought to have known better.

The whole classroom was full of turkeys. Very unhappy, very aggressive turkeys.

After several moments of fending one of the largest turkeys off with a chair while — again — madly googling on his phone, Duke added a new rule to the class list:

Class rules:
1. Do not eat the birds
2. Do not FEED the birds

"Yeah, so, apparently feeding them can make them more aggressive," Duke said, trying for casual even as he was slowly chased around the front of the room by a 30 pound, belligerent bird. "So if you brought sausages to try to win these guys over . . . sorry?"

The turkey gobbled angrily at him and went after his shoes.

"So we're doing turkeys today!" Duke dropped the chair and scrambled up onto his desk. "They are large and aggressive." He glared at the turkeys. "And taste really good with cranberry sauce!"

The turkeys were undaunted.

"Also, the internet is really into the fact that apparently one of this country's founding fathers thought these guys should be our national bird." One of the turkeys at the back of the room took flight and swooped at him. "And you know what? I'm gonna give it to him. Good ol' Benny Franklin had something going there." He waved at the swooping bird and scowled. "For fucksake, stop it!"

The turkeys, startled by his volume, backed off and/or landed and started scratching at the tile and pecking around, looking for snacks. Duke sat down — still on top of his desk — and looked around for the hat instructions du jour.

"And we're apparently making them . . ." He picked up the paper and looked entirely put upon. "Fezes." He eyed the turkeys. "So . . . good luck with that."

Bad Ass Bitch Life Lessons; Wednesday, First Period [01/22].

[died8yearsago]

It would seem that Rosa had finally succumbed to the will of the classroom and stopped fighting the direction it seemed to want to take the class, because when the students came in, they'd find her already going through slides of the comics and passing her judgement on them.

"Way innappropriate and gross and wouldn't work anyway," she murmured as she passed over one. "And that's Blackstone," she noted, regarding another. A third just got sort of a snort out of her.

Butt on the fourth, she sort of lingered thoughtfully for a moment, checked her watch, saw it was time for class to start, and turned around, figuring the students would already be there.

"Okay," she said. "This one works. So, it looks like we're stuck with a class about whatever nuggets of wisdom this old bat wants to pass down to us, and today, we're going to talk about this one:

"I don't buy 'How-to' books.
I'm waitin' for a 'Why bother?' book."

"And I know what you're thinking," Rosa said. "You're probably thinking, yes, that's right, why bother? Because bad ass bitches don't care, right?

"Wrong. At least when it comes to how to do stuff? Bad ass bitches should care because one of the most bad ass things you can do for yourself in be self-sufficient, and that means learning how to do things yourself. There's nothing bad ass about not knowing how to change your own tires or strip and varnish your own weapons cabinet or make some bomb ass cookies to eat in front of your coworkers who are on diets. And how-to books are great because that means not only can you learn something new and bad ass, but you don't even have to talk to someone else to do it.

"So, yeah, apathy is cool and all, but doing shit is cooler. And I don't think that needs much of a discussion, so I'm just giving you guys some homework and kicking you out of class early. For next week, I want you to think of something you've always wanted to learn how to do, and just learn how to do it. That's it. And you can show off next week.

"Any questions? No? Then get out of here. Go...actually learn something."

Which, yes, was generally what classes were supposed to be for, but, obviously, the state of education at this school (or any, she'd argue) was clearly crap.

[[ ocd on the way! is up! hooray! ]]

Sexual Education, Wednesday, January 22, 2020

[sith_happened]

"So now that we know where our reproductive organs are located--and thank you, Sidon, for you in-depth explanation of how Zora reproductive organs are arranged--we are going to talk about why that matters," Anakin began. "There is a biological imperative hardwired into most species to propagate."

What a romantic way to put that, Anakin.

"Therefore, it generally feels good when your reproductive organs are touched or stroked, to reinforce the urge to create offspring." He arched up an eyebrow. "However, as teenagers, even if your parts are prepared to create offspring, you are probably not emotionally prepared to have offspring."

Oh, look! Another in-depth chart.

"So today we're going to talk about contraception. You'll note that on this planet and in this nation, the contraceptive options are mostly centered towards the uterus-having individual even though you need both and egg and a sperm to create a new life. One of the easiest and most available versions of contraception, though, is a condom and that is for human male organs." He gestured to Sidon. "I do not know how well they work for Zora anatomy, though they can stretch wide enough to be worn as hats...which I do not encourage. So today we will learn the various forms of contraception and then put condoms onto zucchini as practice for actual male human anatomy."

Sorry-not-sorry, Nell and Janet.

The Cryptozoologist's Field Guide, Thursday, Period Two

[firstofitskind]

Surprise surprise, class was in the Danger Shop yet again! Because while they might eventually trust you guys with real cryptids… it was still the first month of classes. Nobody was going out into the field until Verity and Liam could be sure that no-one was going to do something excessively foolhardy.

"A great deal of cryptozoology is about conservatism," Verity explained once the class had all arrived. "This unfortunately means trying to preserve the lives of a lot of cryptids that don't
have the same reservations about you. For example, we have the lindworm, which we're pretty sure Mother Nature invented while hung over, projecting all of her hatred and aggression at the world into one eighteen-foot-long, armor-plated, cold-blooded, reptilian, obligate carnivore."

( With a wave of her hand... )