Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

[betterthanaplan]

Duke, god love him, had honestly thought he might be able to come in and have the class do something other than bird hats, today. Maybe some bird themed yoga poses. Or read a story about a bird! He really ought to have known better.

The whole classroom was full of turkeys. Very unhappy, very aggressive turkeys.

After several moments of fending one of the largest turkeys off with a chair while — again — madly googling on his phone, Duke added a new rule to the class list:

Class rules:
1. Do not eat the birds
2. Do not FEED the birds

"Yeah, so, apparently feeding them can make them more aggressive," Duke said, trying for casual even as he was slowly chased around the front of the room by a 30 pound, belligerent bird. "So if you brought sausages to try to win these guys over . . . sorry?"

The turkey gobbled angrily at him and went after his shoes.

"So we're doing turkeys today!" Duke dropped the chair and scrambled up onto his desk. "They are large and aggressive." He glared at the turkeys. "And taste really good with cranberry sauce!"

The turkeys were undaunted.

"Also, the internet is really into the fact that apparently one of this country's founding fathers thought these guys should be our national bird." One of the turkeys at the back of the room took flight and swooped at him. "And you know what? I'm gonna give it to him. Good ol' Benny Franklin had something going there." He waved at the swooping bird and scowled. "For fucksake, stop it!"

The turkeys, startled by his volume, backed off and/or landed and started scratching at the tile and pecking around, looking for snacks. Duke sat down — still on top of his desk — and looked around for the hat instructions du jour.

"And we're apparently making them . . ." He picked up the paper and looked entirely put upon. "Fezes." He eyed the turkeys. "So . . . good luck with that."

Comments

Sign in

[betterthanaplan]

You turkeys!

Re: Sign in

[legionqueen]

Juillenne Milone

Re: Sign in

[goldfishontherocks]

Keyleth

Re: Sign in

[hashtag_chocobro]

Prompto Argentum

Re: Sign in

[seriesofbaddecisions]

Sabine Wren

Re: Sign in

[amitragic]

Ulysses Zane

Listen to the lecture

[betterthanaplan]

It's a lot more . . . athletic . . . than usual.

Re: Listen to the lecture

[legionqueen]

It was probably a good thing, given rule number one there, that Camden had deigned to spend some time in the Preserve rather than sticking to Jules' side today.

Because considering how damned aggressive these birds were, it was entirely possible that she would've had to defend herself. And given that her methods of defending herself involved teeth and claws... there probably would've been at least one dead turkey.

(The rules did only specify eating, but Jules got the impression that 'no killing' was strongly implied.)

Anyway, moot point, since Camden was nowhere to be seen today.

Re: Listen to the lecture

[seriesofbaddecisions]

Sabine debated sneaking out to get her helmet. She doubted anyone would notice.

Instead, she just started recording it all on her phone, because this was really funny u til a turkey noticed her.

Turkeys and fezes

[betterthanaplan]

Making the fezes isn't terribly difficult. They're very simply constructed, so the only really tough part was not letting your circle get too lopsided.

Getting the fezes onto the turkeys without falling off. . . . That would be another story.

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[goldfishontherocks]

Was it cheating for Keyleth to cast a Goodberry spell and then try to get on the turkeys' good side by feeding them before she tried to get them to wear the fezes?

She kind of hoped not, because that was exactly what she was doing.

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[betterthanaplan]

Okay. Come on now.

"Kid," Duke said, head firmly in hands. "I literally just put it on the rules list."

You know, he was very into his rules list for a guy who last semester told his students to ignore all his rules.

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[goldfishontherocks]

Keyleth honestly hadn't noticed. She'd been a little caught up in trying to figure out why the turkeys were so upset.

This was the kind of thing that was going to get you banned from casinos in under five minutes in future, Keyleth.

"Well," she said, immediately curling her fingers up around the small handful of berries like he would forget about them once they weren't visible, "I just thought it might depend on what they got fed, you know, and maybe the right kind of food might make them more pleasant to deal with?"

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[betterthanaplan]

"The aggression thing might be more of a long term effect," Duke allowed. "But if you get pecked to death by turkeys fighting over whatever it is you brought them, I'm pretty sure that's going to require some paperwork. And I really dislike paperwork."

He would also feel personally responsible for her being pecked to death. It'd just generally be a bad scene all over.

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[hashtag_chocobro]

Prompto's circle was definitely lop-sided, but that's what you get when you were in a class making hats for what were essentially mean and ugly tiny chocobos.

Prompto did not think he was a fan of hte mean and ugly tiny chocobos. But he was still going to try to do his best to make little hats for them, dammit!

And then came the time to try to actually outfit the mean and ugly tiny chocobos with the hats, and Prompto began to wonder just how good his throwing aim might be with fezes, and if it could just be sort of like a ring toss where he just tried to gently toss the hats onto their heads.

It would probably require a lot of hats until he finally got it, but that was a risk he was willing to take!

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[seriesofbaddecisions]

Sabine had somehow managed to fly under the turkeys' radar until she actually started working on her fez, and then one in particular kept coming over to peck at everything a little too close to her.

"Stop it, I am trying to help you."

By making it west a hat.

Re: Turkeys and fezes

[scoffs_at_tradition]

Shuri had, as usual, put a more colorful twist on her fez. "You will look amazing!" she yelled at the turkey as it chased her. "Embrace your inner diva, you stupid bird!"

Talk to Duke

[betterthanaplan]

He is not coming down from that desk until he has to, dammit.

Re: Talk to Duke

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had never actually been inside the school building before, not counting that time she'd been nine years old and everything had looked huge to her. And since she'd about rejoined society again, today seemed like a day to do that. Because maybe Duke could give her a tour or something.

And maybe she just wanted to see him, and it had little to do with the school at all.

Either way, she was waiting outside the classroom when his class ended.

[ooc: *dips toe back into playing*]

Re: Talk to Duke

[betterthanaplan]

Duke had no idea what happened to the birds after Bird Hat Class. They did not neatly vanish once the students had left, though, so he was coming out of the classroom today by squeezing through the smallest gap in the door possible, staring back and kicking at the turkeys that tried to follow him out into the hall.

"No. No! Bad turkey!" He ducked as a small, beaten-up fez went flying past his head. "Bring it up with the moose then!"

He slammed the door shut, and only then realized Octavia was there.

"Ha yun, gona. Guessing your morning was maybe quieter than mine."

There were turkey feathers in his hair.

Re: Talk to Duke

[okteiviakom]

Octavia could have alerted him to her presence a little earlier, but that was quite the feat of trying to get out of a room that she didn't want to to interfere with.

She looked quietly amused. "Ha yun, jaka," she replied, stepping closer and reaching up to pluck a feather out of his hair. "This how you leave every time?"

Re: Talk to Duke

[betterthanaplan]

"The kookaburras and porgs behaved better," Duke said, sighing when he saw what she'd plucked. "Whoever's choosing the birds each week might be escalating."

Lord help them all when the RNG PTB decided to go with geese.

OOC

[betterthanaplan]

I am up to 23 potential classes, not including the final. There may have to be a summer bird hat workshop.

Re: OOC

[seriesofbaddecisions]

I'm suddenly for the first time bothered that it's not spelled "turkies" and I can't explain why.

Re: OOC

[betterthanaplan]

Because English spelling rules are arbitrary and that's disconcerting?