fandomhigh | Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

Duke, god love him, had honestly thought he might be able to come in and have the class do something other than bird hats, today. Maybe some bird themed yoga poses. Or read a story about a bird! He really ought to have known better.

The whole classroom was full of turkeys. Very unhappy, very aggressive turkeys.

After several moments of fending one of the largest turkeys off with a chair while — again — madly googling on his phone, Duke added a new rule to the class list:

Class rules:
1. Do not eat the birds
2. Do not FEED the birds

"Yeah, so, apparently feeding them can make them more aggressive," Duke said, trying for casual even as he was slowly chased around the front of the room by a 30 pound, belligerent bird. "So if you brought sausages to try to win these guys over . . . sorry?"

The turkey gobbled angrily at him and went after his shoes.

"So we're doing turkeys today!" Duke dropped the chair and scrambled up onto his desk. "They are large and aggressive." He glared at the turkeys. "And taste really good with cranberry sauce!"

The turkeys were undaunted.

"Also, the internet is really into the fact that apparently one of this country's founding fathers thought these guys should be our national bird." One of the turkeys at the back of the room took flight and swooped at him. "And you know what? I'm gonna give it to him. Good ol' Benny Franklin had something going there." He waved at the swooping bird and scowled. "For fucksake, stop it!"

The turkeys, startled by his volume, backed off and/or landed and started scratching at the tile and pecking around, looking for snacks. Duke sat down — still on top of his desk — and looked around for the hat instructions du jour.

"And we're apparently making them . . ." He picked up the paper and looked entirely put upon. "Fezes." He eyed the turkeys. "So . . . good luck with that."

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Making the fezes isn't terribly difficult. They're very simply constructed, so the only really tough part was not letting your circle get too lopsided.

Getting the fezes onto the turkeys without falling off. . . . That would be another story.

Was it cheating for Keyleth to cast a Goodberry spell and then try to get on the turkeys' good side by feeding them before she tried to get them to wear the fezes?

She kind of hoped not, because that was exactly what she was doing.

Okay. Come on now.

"Kid," Duke said, head firmly in hands. "I literally just put it on the rules list."

You know, he was very into his rules list for a guy who last semester told his students to ignore all his rules.

Keyleth honestly hadn't noticed. She'd been a little caught up in trying to figure out why the turkeys were so upset.

This was the kind of thing that was going to get you banned from casinos in under five minutes in future, Keyleth.

"Well," she said, immediately curling her fingers up around the small handful of berries like he would forget about them once they weren't visible, "I just thought it might depend on what they got fed, you know, and maybe the right kind of food might make them more pleasant to deal with?"

"The aggression thing might be more of a long term effect," Duke allowed. "But if you get pecked to death by turkeys fighting over whatever it is you brought them, I'm pretty sure that's going to require some paperwork. And I really dislike paperwork."

He would also feel personally responsible for her being pecked to death. It'd just generally be a bad scene all over.

"Aww, I don't think they would do that," objected Keyleth, right as a turkey came over and started pecking at her ankle.

... Yeah.

"Please don't make me have to turn into a tiger at you," she told the turkey.

". . . I mean, that might work," Duke said. "Could be like going up against a bear. You have to make yourself big and mean so they back down."

He probably shouldn't be encouraging his students to be tigers, should he.

Probably not, but it was hardly going to be the worst thing anyone was going to enable Keyleth to do, so there was that?

"Oh, I could do a bear too," she said thoughtfully. "Do bears eat turkeys?"

It was not meant to be a passive aggressive threat, but the turkey seemed to be taking it as one anyway.

"I'm almost certain they would, if given the opportunity," Duke said. "And you'd be managing to break both class rules in one day. So there'd be that."

He'd almost be kind of proud of her for that. Except he was pretty sure that'd also come with paperwork.

"I can honestly say I wasn't setting that as a goal," Keyleth said after a moment. Besides, she hadn't been planning on actually eating the turkeys! "Would it get me extra credit, though?"

Kiki, no.

Duke did a remarkable imitation of a particularly popular reaction gif (which he had actually never seen, himself).

"I mean. I feel like, having taught a pirate class last semester, I almost have to say 'yes'. But also I really don't want to have to clean up after that."

"I guess it would be kind of messy," Keyleth (who had also never seen said reaction gif, no surprise) conceded. "

"Blood and feathers everywhere," Duke said. "Not even a little hygienic."

Prompto's circle was definitely lop-sided, but that's what you get when you were in a class making hats for what were essentially mean and ugly tiny chocobos.

Prompto did not think he was a fan of hte mean and ugly tiny chocobos. But he was still going to try to do his best to make little hats for them, dammit!

And then came the time to try to actually outfit the mean and ugly tiny chocobos with the hats, and Prompto began to wonder just how good his throwing aim might be with fezes, and if it could just be sort of like a ring toss where he just tried to gently toss the hats onto their heads.

It would probably require a lot of hats until he finally got it, but that was a risk he was willing to take!

Sabine had somehow managed to fly under the turkeys' radar until she actually started working on her fez, and then one in particular kept coming over to peck at everything a little too close to her.

"Stop it, I am trying to help you."

By making it west a hat.

Shuri had, as usual, put a more colorful twist on her fez. "You will look amazing!" she yelled at the turkey as it chased her. "Embrace your inner diva, you stupid bird!"

Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

Turkeys and fezes

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