Teamwork Class, Period 1

[whoisalicewhite.livejournal.com]

[Class #13 - the Turkey Job]

There was -- a lot of food here.

Corn on the cob, turkey with trimmings, three kinds of stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, stir-fried vegetables, two salads, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, four kinds of pie….

“And a partridge and a pear tree!” Parker giggle-snorted. “No, that’s a joke, it’s from a song.”

"Because apparently there isn't enough emphasis on overeating this week in this country," Eliot said, sounding thoroughly exasperated. "Today you guys are having an eating contest."

Hardison, however, just looked proud of himself. "Careful not to overdo it too early on the carbs, yo," he told the class. "Ain't nobody winnin' if they fall asleep halfway through."

“I would have ruled at this game when I was in school,” Parker said thoughtfully. “So have fun with it! Consider it training for Thursday.”

"I'm trained in the heimlich," Eliot said. "Try not to make yourselves sick. This is a terrible idea."

Deception for Fun and Profit, Monday, Period 2

[doubleohblonde]

"Good morning," Bond greeted his class. "Now, in honour of the weekend we're going to have a story. Or at least the bullet point version. The boy who cried wolf.

"For those of you who haven't heard this one before, the story involves a shepherd boy who, for whatever reason, starts raising the alarm that a wolf is attacking his flock, the other villagers arrive, only to find out that nothing of the sort is happening. This happens several times, then a wolf actually attacks, the boy raises the alarm, the villagers are too jaded to believe him, and you can guess the rest."

He clapped his hands together. "What can we learn from this story?"

Sex Ed, Tuesday, 3rd Period

[so_hawkward]

When the students arrived to class today, they'd find Clint standing by a row of small cribs.

"So, I hope everyone had fun getting in touch with their childish side this weekend," he said, "or taking care of your friends while they were too little to take care of themselves. You all know that one of the outcomes of having sex is getting pregnant and having a baby, so today I thought we'd practice your skills at child-rearing. Whether this is good practice or effective birth control is up to you. You don't have to take them with you when you leave though, because I don't want to subject your teachers and classmates to them." Occasionally, he could be really nice.

Magical Bestiary | Tuesday, period 2

[nuclear_snide]

"All right, everybody, settle down." Did they need settling down? Probably not. Bob seemed a bit harried and distracted today, though.

"So far in this class, we've been studying based on my own experience and knowledge of creatures. Which, let's be honest, is extensive and thorough." He was modest, too. "But given you all come from different worlds, times, and what-have-you, it's entirely possible that the sorts of creatures you're likely to encounter are ones I haven't covered yet."

Possible. He supposed. Maybe. "Now, you tell me: what creatures does your world have, what creatures are you worried about, that we haven't covered yet? Discussion time!" He clapped his hands together gleefully.

Speech, Tuesday, November 24, 2015

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

When the students came into the Danger Room, Josh was on hold with his airline on his real phone. "I'm on hold," he told them. "I'm in a hellish hold world of holding. But since this is the holidays, get used to it."

He pointed to three phones. "Okay, these are linked to the computer in here, don't ask me how, and will send you through three separate holiday hell scenarios. Garik, your flight has been cancelled and if you don't show up this year, Grandma is going to give your portion of the inheritance to Embarassing Butt Disease Research, where they will put up a huge building with your name on it. Your job is to get on a new flight. Anders, you have gotten completely lost getting to your friend's sister-in-law's house even though you swore you knew where it was." He pointed to the phone. "You need to get directions without admitting how very, very wrong you were. And Kathy, you forgot to defrost the turkey until the day of Thanksgiving. You are talking to the Butterball hotline to see if there is anything you can do to save Thanksgiving or if you're going to be the family joke for the next thirty years. Okay? Okay!"

And with that, Josh went back to listening to hellish hold music.

Pony Express: Friendship is Cultural Exchange! Wednesday, period 1

[locointhecoco]

"Alright, everypony!" Pinkie said as the class gathered. "So we've had a feeeeeew little bumps the last couple weeks, but this week we're gonna be right back on track! Today we're going to see one of the most influential cities in all Equestria!" She led the way through the portal as usual, this time into what looked like a city right out of a fairy tale. There were long winding roads through meadows, graceful sculptures of dancing ponies, classy little boutique cafes, all in shining white stone and centered around a magnificent, sprawling castle. "Welcome to Canterlot!"

Pinkie's rain of confetti was immediately swept up by a skinny, lantern jawed stallion with a pushbroom on his flank. He tipped his hat to the group and carried on sweeping, whistling a jaunty tune.

"Canterlot is the capital city of all of Equestria. It's where Princesses Celestia and Luna live and work, and where they host the big important guests from far away lands like Saddle Arabia! Every year, Princess Celestia hosts the Grand Galloping Gala, the biggest, fanciest -- and between you and me, snootiest and boringest parties in all of Equestria! There's also garden parties in the castle gardens and art shows in the castle art galleries and polo games in the castle polo grounds and -- well, basically everything revolves right around the castle itself. The city was founded by unicorns. That's how it sticks off the side of the mountain like it does without falling! And sometimes it gets attacked by evil creatures like changelings, because it's so important, but Celestia's royal guard ponies are usually up to the task and when they're not, my friends and I pitch in with the Elements of Harmony. We've saved this town so many times, you guys!"

Pinkie led the way to a little square off to one side of the castle, where a fountain topped with another of those dancing pony statues sprinkled merrily. "Princess Celestia is superduper busy today, but Princess Luna promised that she'd stay up a little late so she could come meet up with all of you. She kinda sorta got to meet some of you in my dreams last time I was home, but those were the Pinkie'd versions of you. She says that's not the same thing at all."

"It's really not," a deep, kind voice said, and a dark purple alicorn whose mane seemed to be made of the night sky itself stepped out of the shadows behind the fountain. "Greetings, humans. I am Princess Luna, sister to Princess Celestia and co-ruler of this land. It is my very great honor to welcome you all." She ducked her head in a regal bow, then straightened, looking each student in the eye in turn. "Pinkie Pie has told me a great deal about what she's learned of friendship and peace in her time in your world. I hope that her class has brought as much understanding to you, as well."

"And we can talk all about that really soon," Pinkie promised, grinning up at Luna. "But first: this week in the human world has a very special holiday in it, all about being thankful for new friendships. I mean --" She held up a hoof in Kathy's general direction. "-- It kind of is all based on a fairy tale that didn't really happen that way at all, and that's important to understand, but the spirit of it I think is really super important. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, LET'S PARRRRRTAAAAAY!"

Streamers and balloons exploded from every corner, swiftly decorating the little square in dark blues, reds, and purples, with glittery silver stars and moons and little cloth bats all around. It looked like a birthday party for a gothic six year old.

"Indeed!" Luna cheered, picking up a little rubber spider and hurling it at a net. "Now the fun will be tripled!"