Student Council, Friday [Lunchtime]

[bigdamnprincipal]

Since it was the first meeting of the year, there was quite a bit of food out to welcome the new and old members of the Student Council. There was pizza, salads, sodas, and a variety of sweets, some of which even managed to not be pumpkin-flavored. It was a miracle, truly.

"Good afternoon, and thank you all for volunteering and coming," she said. "Since this is our first meeting, we have a few things to do today. First, we have to pick a president of the council from among our seniors - assuming any of you want the job - and then we have to put plans together for Parents Weekend. If you all didn't know, that's next weekend, so you might want to prepare yourselves for family visits if you haven't already."

Beginning Gourmet Cooking Techniques | Friday, 3rd period

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal was back in front of the class this week. Were you grateful, Elsa? He nodded to the students as they settled in. "My apologies to you all for missing last week's class. I hope you enjoyed the film instead. Thank you, Elsa."

The Danger Shop was set up once more with individual cooking stations, and one for Hannibal at the front. Only this time ( there were fire extinguishers strategically placed by every setup. )

American History: Lies Your Other Teachers Taught You [Friday, Sept 19, 2014]

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Hello, kids, and welcome to the latest installment of Joshua Lyman Really Hates Texas!

He waved a stack of paper that he then slapped onto each student's desk. "Right. Texas is fighting about American history books again. As we talked about in the beginning of the class, who ends up in books, how the story is presented, and making sure that information is presented in a balanced and accurate way is what stops us all from being Fox News watching morons who believe our current president is a Kenyan Muslim terrorist who's carrying ebola personally across the Mexican border."

Stop ranting, Josh.

"When a book is full of white guys, students will get the impression that white guys were the only ones who did anything and that is patently untrue. This current iteration of a history book apparently spends a lot of time talking about Moses and the formation of the US as a Christian nation which is...well, not true. First off, Moses was Jewish. Second of all, it was thousands of years between Moses and Europeans even getting to this continent. Third of all, the separation of religion from the practical aspects of governing a country was way, WAY up on the list of importance for our Founders. Many of the colonies had been founded by people fleeing religious oppression. Thomas Jefferson wrote and I quote, and feel free to forward this to your crazy redneck uncle, 'Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church and State.' You can be me and be gearing up for High Holidays, you can believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can worship Zuul and unless you decide that your religion means you can keep slaves, have ten wives, or kill everyone in a fifteen-block radius, the government is supposed to give no kind of a fuck." He shrugged. "Most of the time that's even true."

He leaned back against his desk. "But why does what one state does in a textbook matter on a national level? Texas is freaking huge, and they buy a lot of textbooks. Therefore, the publishers want to make Texas happy so they can make lots of money. We'll discuss this more when we get into why the Confederacy comes off smelling like a rose in a lot of history textbooks and how that's because Texas is in the South.To a lesser extent, this is also why kids in Minnesota have to remember the Alamo." He took a sip from his coffee. "Okay. First we're gonna rant about Texas a bit, then you get a surprise pop quiz where you have to correctly label the states and their capitals because that kind of crap isn't up for debate."

How to Totally Be a Spy, For Real (We Mean It) [Friday, Period 1]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Class today was not in the Danger Shop. Class was in a classroom that had sort of been set up to look like a bar. “Sort of” because Pam and Cheryl were the grand high queens of half-assing, you guys. So … like a bar, but like the person setting up the bar got bored halfway into it and decided to start drinking instead.

Oh, right. Pam and Cheryl were both piss-ass drunk.

“Wellllcome to class,” Pam managed, from behind her thermos of Green Russian. “Bein’ a spy is super-hard, y’guys. You’ve gotta know how to sex people and get information an’ you gotta drink a lot.”

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

"'Cause your job?" Cheryl slurred, waving a martini glass at them. "Is like, sooooooo hard, or whatever, so you're gonna always wanna get drunk. But!" She waved a finger. "You're gonna want to get drunk in a sophisticated way. 'Cause you're a spyyyyy."

This class was going to betray a lot of the envy Cheryl had towards the field agents, yes.

“You can’ just … can’ just …” Hang on. Pam was getting lost in thought. Maybe another swig would help her remember? Mmm, Green Russians. “Oh! Right. You can’ just … walk into a bar an’ order anything. Like a light beer? As a spy? You’re gonna look like such a freakin’ tool. Jimmy Bund never ordered a light beer. ‘Cause he was a spy and spies don’t drink light beer.”

QED, guys.

"And unless you've got a UTI, no vodka cranberries!" Cheryl insisted. "Don't be a fucking lightweight, guys. You're a spy. You gotta drink like a man. Or a heavily-armed lady. With boobs. Or not with boobs."

She was being helpfully specific there.

"Anywayses, you should get a signature drink. Something sexy, with a fun name. Pam's got one!" Cheryl actually pointed helpfully to Pam, as though the kids didn't know who that was.

“Green Russian!!” Pam crowed triumphantly. “S’absinthe and milk. It packs a punch like a mule. And it looks like antifreeze so it freaks people out.”

Win/win.

“Carol, what’s your -- is sniffing glue a sign-- signytoor drink?” Pam asked. “That’s not really a drink so it shouldn’t count.”

"I ground up ecstasy tablets and dropped 'em in Mountain Dew-flavored vodka," Cheryl said happily. "I call it the Thunder Tunt."

Only because it sounded super-dirty, yep.

"But you guys aren't that creative so you don't have to make your own right away. You can just practice mixing existing drinks, first. Oh! Oh." She pointed an accusing finger at the class. "Don't any of you try to do any of that 'shaken-not-stirred' shit. Make your drinks how they're supposed to be made. Don't beat up your booze unless you know what you're d-doin'."

The more you know, kids.