Steven Spielberg Presents: History!, Monday, Period 4

[yakkoyaks.livejournal.com]

Yakko had a lute. He was strumming it gently, although it didn't seem like he was playing anything in particular. Probably a good thing. He wouldn't want to get songed out.

"Depending on what kind of legends and movies and realities you've paid attention to, you might have some thoughts about the Middle Ages. And even if you know nothing about the Middle Ages, you probably have thoughts on them now," Yakko said. "Thoughts like, 'What are these middle ages Yakko is talking about?' Don't worry, young ones, I'll explain it."

"From the fall of the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century to the start of the Renaissance in the fifteenth century, Europe was full of knights and dragons and plague and kings and wizards and poorly proportioned people in paintings, especially when they painted babies, because apparently they didn't have eyes and couldn't figure out that babies have GIANT heads, so they just painted the babies as small adults and it was freaky, okay? Gaaaaah." Yakko visibly shuddered there to get the creepy proportions out of his head.

"But in your normal worlds without magic and me visiting historical figures and stuff, about half that stuff didn't even exist. And instead of just me telling you what was there, we're going to have a POP QUIZ!" Two buttons dropped onto each desk. One was marked 'TRUE.' The other 'FALSE.' "Don't worry, the quiz is a learning experience! You won't be penalized for getting something wrong."

"Yakko, why don't you show our students how it's played?" Yakko asked.

At the back of the room, Yakko was sitting at a desk. "Thank you, Yakko! You'll get a statement like, 'Europe was called Center-Earth and was ruled by whoever had a very special toe ring.' If you think it's False, hit the False button!" Yakko hit the False button and a small plastic cup of cola dropped onto his desk. "If you're right, you get pop! But if you're wrong...." Yakko glanced to the other side of the room...

... where Yakko was now sitting with a dunce cap on his head as he hit the True button. To indicate that he was wrong, a clown on a spring popped out of the desk to scare him. He screamed like a girl.

Back at the front of the room, Yakko - now wearing a suit since there were game show elements involved - continued, "... You get a pop! Got it? GOOD! Let's get started!"

Diversity and You, Class #5, Period #2, June 4th

[boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com]

( Our Guest (Magic!) )

Library, Monday

[faithandscience.livejournal.com]

William had been flipping through medical journals when he came across an article on concussions. It started out as an interesting enough read, but as he went on, a knot began to twist in his stomach.

( cut for possible triggeryness )

[ooc: narrative includes references to abuse.]

Relationship Ed, Monday

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Today, I'm going to talk to you about dating myths," Jeff announced. "I'm sure you've all heard one or two--" he was probably personally responsible for tossing several dozen into the pool, and if he hadn't accomplished that with this group, he was probably about to start, "--and they can really make it difficult for a man-- or a woman-- what's really going on."

"For example, as it turns out, your mother won't actually turn up with a miniature guillotine if you kiss someone," he said wisely. "I know many of you must have worried about that." No, just you, Jeff. "If someone tells you they've got a surprise for you and you're at the office, the proper response is not to start stripping--" Not a myth, Jeff, just something stupid you did, "--because it could be a birthday party."

He gave them all the thumbs up.

"You can't actually explode from not having sex for a long time," he continued, "though you can actually swallow handcuff keys. I've got a list of useful laxatives if you need it." Yes. "And if you ever have a manly reaction at a funeral, the best thing you can do is just to go out the door. Do not under any circumstance hide behind a coffin!"

Hey, that one wasn't him. That one was Steve.

"And, er, what was I talking about again?"

Myths, Jeff. Not that you'd been talking about any for at least three out of the last five minutes. "Oh, right, the fork," he said, thinking aloud. "All right. This one is actually really important. Some of us - often men, but I don't want to discriminate, so let's just say some - tend to be really direct about everything. We just ask people if they want to have sex."

Well, possibly not Jeff. Jeff would probably tell ten terrible lies and then hide under a duvet. "Other people are not so straightforward," he continued. "They'll be all nice and acting like they want to be friends and everything, so you go along with it and you're talking normally, and then suddenly they hit you with the Fork."

"They ask you a question, and it's not immediately obvious, but there are only two possible answers." He gestured wildly. This was a traumatizing experience from his past. "Either you have sex with them, or you tell them they're ugly. That's the Fork. Always be wary of the Fork! The Fork could strike at any time!"

Yes.

"In no case should you try to wriggle out of the Fork," he finished. "Trust me on this one. It never ends well." In his case, it ended in the girl assuming he was a necrophiliac.

He paused for a while. "I was just going to tell you to ask me about any myths you may have heard, but that's a good one, actually," he said. "Pair up in teams of two. One of you lures the other person into the fork, and the other person has to get out of it because they're already dating someone."

OOC: Philosophy of Choice

[nookiepowered]

Ronan's player has work-related availability woes today, so class is sadly cancelled this week due to {mumblemumble Carmela mumblemumble chocolate mumblemumble three of them? mumblemumble well how did they get that big Harley up there on the diving board mumblemumble}.

Don't look at me like that. You know it's true.

Class resumes same Rat-time, same Rat-channel next week.