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fandomhigh2012-06-04 01:00 am
yakkoyaks.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-06-04 01:00 am
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Steven Spielberg Presents: History!, Monday, Period 4
Yakko had a lute. He was strumming it gently, although it didn't seem like he was playing anything in particular. Probably a good thing. He wouldn't want to get songed out.
"Depending on what kind of legends and movies and realities you've paid attention to, you might have some thoughts about the Middle Ages. And even if you know nothing about the Middle Ages, you probably have thoughts on them now," Yakko said. "Thoughts like, 'What are these middle ages Yakko is talking about?' Don't worry, young ones, I'll explain it."
"From the fall of the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century to the start of the Renaissance in the fifteenth century, Europe was full of knights and dragons and plague and kings and wizards and poorly proportioned people in paintings, especially when they painted babies, because apparently they didn't have eyes and couldn't figure out that babies have GIANT heads, so they just painted the babies as small adults and it was freaky, okay? Gaaaaah." Yakko visibly shuddered there to get the creepy proportions out of his head.
"But in your normal worlds without magic and me visiting historical figures and stuff, about half that stuff didn't even exist. And instead of just me telling you what was there, we're going to have a POP QUIZ!" Two buttons dropped onto each desk. One was marked 'TRUE.' The other 'FALSE.' "Don't worry, the quiz is a learning experience! You won't be penalized for getting something wrong."
"Yakko, why don't you show our students how it's played?" Yakko asked.
At the back of the room, Yakko was sitting at a desk. "Thank you, Yakko! You'll get a statement like, 'Europe was called Center-Earth and was ruled by whoever had a very special toe ring.' If you think it's False, hit the False button!" Yakko hit the False button and a small plastic cup of cola dropped onto his desk. "If you're right, you get pop! But if you're wrong...." Yakko glanced to the other side of the room...
... where Yakko was now sitting with a dunce cap on his head as he hit the True button. To indicate that he was wrong, a clown on a spring popped out of the desk to scare him. He screamed like a girl.
Back at the front of the room, Yakko - now wearing a suit since there were game show elements involved - continued, "... You get a pop! Got it? GOOD! Let's get started!"
"Depending on what kind of legends and movies and realities you've paid attention to, you might have some thoughts about the Middle Ages. And even if you know nothing about the Middle Ages, you probably have thoughts on them now," Yakko said. "Thoughts like, 'What are these middle ages Yakko is talking about?' Don't worry, young ones, I'll explain it."
"From the fall of the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century to the start of the Renaissance in the fifteenth century, Europe was full of knights and dragons and plague and kings and wizards and poorly proportioned people in paintings, especially when they painted babies, because apparently they didn't have eyes and couldn't figure out that babies have GIANT heads, so they just painted the babies as small adults and it was freaky, okay? Gaaaaah." Yakko visibly shuddered there to get the creepy proportions out of his head.
"But in your normal worlds without magic and me visiting historical figures and stuff, about half that stuff didn't even exist. And instead of just me telling you what was there, we're going to have a POP QUIZ!" Two buttons dropped onto each desk. One was marked 'TRUE.' The other 'FALSE.' "Don't worry, the quiz is a learning experience! You won't be penalized for getting something wrong."
"Yakko, why don't you show our students how it's played?" Yakko asked.
At the back of the room, Yakko was sitting at a desk. "Thank you, Yakko! You'll get a statement like, 'Europe was called Center-Earth and was ruled by whoever had a very special toe ring.' If you think it's False, hit the False button!" Yakko hit the False button and a small plastic cup of cola dropped onto his desk. "If you're right, you get pop! But if you're wrong...." Yakko glanced to the other side of the room...
... where Yakko was now sitting with a dunce cap on his head as he hit the True button. To indicate that he was wrong, a clown on a spring popped out of the desk to scare him. He screamed like a girl.
Back at the front of the room, Yakko - now wearing a suit since there were game show elements involved - continued, "... You get a pop! Got it? GOOD! Let's get started!"
Sign In
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Listen to the Lecture
Re: Listen to the Lecture
"Is that something everybody from Professor Puppy-Head's planet can do, or does he just have some sort of teleport gizmo?" she wondered aloud. "And if he does, where can I buy one?"
By which, of course, she meant 'Where can I nick one?' or at least 'Where can I nick the parts for one?'
Re: Listen to the Lecture
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Well, if you were Ace, you also added a disappointed, "So you can't teach us how to do it?" after a reasonably short recovery time.
Re: Listen to the Lecture
"Right you are, Yakko!" Yakko said, back at the front of the room.
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Lead character, she wasn't going to touch with a ten foot BBC aerial pole.
Re: Listen to the Lecture
Yakko reached into his pocket and...well, he kept reaching. His arm was in up to his shoulder until he smiled as he finally seemed to find what he was looking for. A second later, he pulled a fish that was twice his size out of his pocket and dropped it on his desk.
And then the fish started speaking French.
It was possible Yakko had overshot a little too far into surrealism, but it was still wacky.
Re: Listen to the Lecture
Ace... blinked a lot.
Ace... finally said, "...Avez-vous besoin d'un seau d'eau?" to the fish, because... it was a fish. On a desk.
A talking fish. That spoke better French than Ace.
POP QUIZ
AND WITH THIS, YOU WILL LEARN. OR ELSE. Please keep in mind that what's in your world doesn't matter to Yakko. He's teaching you about normal non-magical Earth worlds.
All statements continue from: "In the Middle Ages...." All answers come after everyone has buzzed in.
Statement 1:
"Correct answer: False. No dragons as far as anyone can prove so far!"
Statement 2:
"Correct answer: False. But they should have!"
Statement 3:
"Correct answer: True, but I DON'T KNOW WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY." Yakko may have cried a little.
Statement 4:
"Correct answer: NO IDEA! It's still open to debate."
No matter what was answered, a can of New Coke popped up and landed gently on the desk. They were clearly from the 1980s. They had 25 years of dust on them. It was gross.
Statement 5:
"Correct answer: True. And it was very tragic and I won't be making any jokes about it."
After a few moments of silence, a whoopie cushion did make a sound, though, indicating that it was time to laugh again.
Statement 6:
"Correct answer: False. Egypt's not even IN Europe, and the pyramids were built way before that! But there's a show on cable about ancient aliens, so make of that what you will...."
FINAL SCORE
... And that was apparently it.
Talk to Yakko
OOC