Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

[betterthanaplan]

Duke was in far too good a mood for how little sleep he'd gotten last night, but, well. He'd had a hell of a lot of fun while not sleeping, and looked forward to having a hell of a lot more once class was over, so despite the fact that parts of his body were insisting that he should be back on his boat continuing to have that fun right now, he still managed to make it to the school building to set up his class.

He could hear the birds of the week screeching from halfway down the hallway.

"Right. That's one way to kill a mood."

He ducked into the classroom to find it lined with large, tastefully festive bird houses, wherein medium-sized, spooky looking owls were enjoying each others' company.

He posted two signs on the whiteboard this week. The first, as usual, was the class rules:

Class rules:
1. Do not eat the birds
2. Do not FEED the birds
3. DO NOT GET EATEN BY THE BIRDS
4. Protective gear must be worn at all times in the classroom
5. Do not disturb the horny birds

The second was a longer, somewhat more detailed note:

Good morning, students! This week we have several mated pairs of barn owls visiting us. They have heart-shaped faces and are apparently monogamous, so I guess the moose thought they were thematic.

We are going to make them baseball caps for some reason. There are instructions on the desk. I'd say you should wait for the birds to finish their business before trying to put hats on them, but apparently they only do this once a year, so maybe leave them to it, and just leave your finished hat offerings by their houses or something.

See you when this damn pollen thing's over.

- Duke

Bad Ass Bitch Life Lessons; Wednesday, First Period [02/12].

[died8yearsago]

When any of Rosa's students wound up at the classroom, they'd find a bunch of notes just stuck on the door. Because Rosa had literally dozens of better things to do right then than deal with a class of hornier-than-usual teenagers.

Which she all but admitted to in her notes, so, hey, at least she was honest:

Yeah, there's no way I'm dealing with any of you this week. Class canceled, but here's your lesson:

She'd printed out one of the stupid comics and actually put it up on the door with the notes:

You can still have sex as you age
But the scenery's not as good


So get out there and get it while it's good. Or you could just stick around here like a nerd. You've got options.

And that was nice and easy and now Rosa was possibly considering doing this for all the rest of her classes from here on in...

Sex Education, February 12, 2020

[sith_happened]

Did Anakin choose to hand you screaming, ethnically diverse (waterproof) robot babies-and-one-robot-Zora-baby this week on purpose, class?

Of course he did. You're not new.

"Everyone gets to be a single parent this week," Anakin said with a little, fiendish grin. "You get to take care of these offspring like you would a real child or Zora. They need to fed, burped, changed, and put down for naps on a regular schedule."

Their regular schedule had them up every day at 2 in the morning. Anakin figured this was a veeeeery effective counterpoint to the sex pollen this week. "Come and get your offspring--Sidon, you can figure out which one is yours--and tell me what you will call it so I can program it in."

He sighed heavily. "I used to think this went without saying, but don't eat the baby."

Blood Stain Removal (And Other Practical Ways etc.), Thursday, Period 1 (2/13)

[brat_inslayage]

Oh, look, the industrial hipster gym setup from last semester was back in the Danger Shop today, and Kennedy, who looked ... world-weary, for lack of a better term, was standing in the middle of it with a fancy thermal bottle full of cold, cold water. You could tell, because every time she took a sip from it, which was often, the ice cubes clanked against the sides of the bottle.

"Yeah, I don't expect any of you to be able to focus on the subject matter today," she said dryly. And took another pull from the water bottle, clanking ice cubes and all. "So I'm just gonna let you all have a sort of free period to ... burn off that energy if you need to, in a nice PG-rated way."

She paused. "And before anyone asks, yeah, there are locker rooms programmed into this simulation. With showers. And no hot water." See, Kennedy was looking out for you, kids!

"I also brought in a ton of ice water," she added, nodding at the giant insulated water jug on a nearby bench, next to a stack of paper cups, "but if sticking around is going to be har -- more difficult for you than staying --" and watching your classmates get all sweaty -- "you're free to go. We'll pick things up again next week."

Look. She wanted to get home too, okay?