Bad Ass Bitch Life Lessons; Wednesday, First Period [01/08].

[died8yearsago]

"Well, that was a hell of a way to start the semester, huh?" Rosa asked, from the front of the classroom, once she figured anyone who was going to show up had actually showed up. "Now, if you're anything like me and I'd go so far as to say most people in this, you're just sort of glad it's over and you're ready to move on with your life, so that's exactly what we're going to do, and we'll jump right into it. As far as I can tell, no one on my class roster were among the kidnapped persons," except, anyway, the emphemeral addition of the newbies that noped right the hell out, "but if you were, what the hell are you doing in class? Get the hell out of here, take a personal day, you've been stuck in a volcano for several days. Personal Care Days are totally acceptable and necessary, and I guess you can count that as your first lesson: make sure to take care of yourself...because you can't expect anyone else will.

"Now, for the rest of you slightly less traumatized folks....welcome to Bad Ass Bitch Life Lessons. It's a pretty simple class. Every week, I'm going to put up some Life Lesson for you to learn to help make your life more bad ass. We learn it, we talk about it, we adapt it or adopt it, whatever. Simple, right? We're not doing introductions because I honestly don't care who you are." She knew too many of you already as it was. "We're just going to get right into it, with our first lesson. Or, well, second lesson, the first one doesn't need discussion, you know what I mean."

And so she moved over to the projector and turned it on, but instead of the Life Lesson she had planned, instead of the bad ass aphorisism she had intended, what she got put on the board was not that at all.

Rosa frowned. And then read the comic. And then looked thoroughly disgusted. "Ugh. No. Hold on." That part was directed at the class, as she went to shake and smack the projector. "That's not right. I swear, technology at this school...."

Another hit, and the image may have changed, but it still was definitely not the one it should have been. Same with the next. And the next. And the nex--

Eventually, Rosa just got to the point where she picked up the projector and threw it on the ground with a very, very impressive part-splattering crash.

"....I'll pay for that," she said, after a moment.

And, with at least a little of her frustration taken out on that poor, innocent projector, she huffed and turned her attention to the board, where the last comic inexplicable still remained.

"Alright, then, fine," she murmured, "I guess the school wants us doing this instead. So...what do you think? Is there nothing like a fart-noise ring tone to make an elevator ride more fun? What would be better? Is this even bad ass? How is this my life right now?"

She turned to the class, gesturing with a mostly dismissive wave of her hand. "Discuss."

[[ and ocd is incoming up! Have at it! ]]

Sex Education, Wednesday, January 8, 2020

[sith_happened]

"I had an entire other class planned for today," Anakin announced as he stomped into the classroom still smelling like volcano even after many, many showers, "but recent events have changed my focus."

He wrote "CHOOSING SEXUAL PARTNERS FOR MUTUAL PLEASURE" in huge letters on the whiteboard in the front of the classroom, and glared at it, then at the students. "Or 'why we don't try to seduce goat demons who have kidnapped you.'"

That was a little judgmental, Anakin.

He stared at his board some more, then added "ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT" underneath it.

So this should be a fun class for everyone.

"Right. Let's get started."

Advanced Bird Haberdashery, Wednesday, period 2

[betterthanaplan]

Octavia was right; Duke absolutely should have just stayed home and cancelled class. But it was the first week, and everyone else seemed to be doing just fine with the whole "we got kidnapped by a monster and held in a volcano" thing, and Duke was determined to push through and be normal, too.

As normal as anyone could be, teaching a class on how to make hats for birds.

They were in a regular classroom this time, rather than the Danger Shop, which Duke was pretty sure meant they'd be dealing with actual live birds, which was just -- awesome. Sure. At least class one seemed to be porgs, judging by the flock hopping around the room. That worked out well, since Polly Lobster had followed him all the way to school.

There was also a wide array of bowls, baskets, buckets, and other small objects that could conceivably be placed on a small head that maybe didn't start with the letter B. So . . . improvised hats, then. Good to know.

"Hi." Duke waved to the class. "I'm Duke. This is --" He winced. "Advanced Bird Haberdashery. The moral of this class is 'don't piss off the moose'. You all look like you've been here awhile, so I'm not going to bother to explain that further." He looked at the porg sitting on the teacher's desk. "These are porgs. You've probably seen them around by now. They're friendly. Kinda judgy. No sense of boundaries." He was wandering off topic. "I guess . . . give them hats."

He picked up a small, brightly colored bowl, flipped it over, and put it on the porg's head. How was this his life.

He looked up at the class again, wishing he'd brought himself a cup of (heavily doctored) coffee. "And . . . tell me your name or something. I don't really care."

He really should have cancelled class this week.

The Cryptozoologist's Field Guide, Thursday, Period Two

[firstofitskind]

Though it was entirely possible that future classes would be held in the Danger Shop (which had hopefully gotten... whatever it was out of its system after last semester, when it came to these two), today's class was being held in a regular classroom. Verity and Liam stood at the front, the former cradling a large mug of coffee, both looking a little more worn-down than usual, to put it kindly. But given what had gone on earlier in the week, that was probably pretty damn understandable.

"Hi," Verity said, when all the students had filed in. "So, this is ( The Cryptozoologist's Field Guide... )

"Even though at this point I'm reasonably sure we all actually know each other, we'd like to know why you're here, in this class," Liam said. "So name, why you took this course if you have an interesting reason, any experience with cryptids or magical creatures from your world if you have any. Verity and I are both from versions of this world, so the cryptids we're going to talk about are all Earth-based, but it'd be neat to know about what else is out there."

"And if you don't have anything that suits...I dunno, ask us a question about cryptids or cryptozoology. Let's see what you're interested in and how fast think on your feet," Verity added.