Retro Recipes: This Sh*t is Bananas; First Period [08/01].

[somethingwithturquoise]

A pixelated Summer stood in front of a pixelated kitchen with a bounty of pixelated bananas before her on the counter, with....sort of..a pixelated grin on her face. "Hey, everyone," she started, once she figured anyone who was going to make it all the way up to their mushroom-lifted school, like, what?, was there. Apparently, everything being on tall mushrooms wasn't going to stop her from teaching a class. Getting up here had been a good test of the work she'd been doing on that spaceship.

"So, this class, as you know, was designed to highlight the versitility of the banana, but this week is really highlighting the fact that one of the great things about the banana is that, no matter what the res on your reality may be, it's still pretty easy to pick a banana out as a banana, thanks to its bright color and distinct shape.

"The same," she continued, a bit wryly, "can't be said for other foodstuffs. And while it is tempting to just whip something up with bananas and mushrooms, which seems to be the staple foodstuff in this particular reality, we've all got enough stuff to deal with this week, so we're just going to stick with a classic that exists in mostly basic shapes and colors: banana split sundaes."

Actual food you can enjoy eating! Unless, she supposed, you were lactose-intolerant, which she should have thought about since she was, apparently, last week, but whatever.

"It's pretty easy. Cut your banana lengthwise so it can sit nicely in your little ice cream dish, pick out a few scoops of very obviously ice cream onto it, maybe drizzle with hot fudge, add some nuts and sprinkles, which you can mostly identify as such even without detail, I've even got whipped cream and cherries for you guys. Make it looks much like a sundae as you can, and then that's it. Chill out and enjoy them as long as you want for the rest of class, unless you're eager to get back out there and jump on platforms, I don't know, I won't judge. Any questions?"

Abridged Sex Ed, Thursday, Period Three

[magnusrushesin]

Class wasn't missing today! But Magnus was incessantly humming a song as he wrote some words on the board.

"Sorry everyone about last week. I super failed that constitution check and had to do some death rolls, but it all worked out in the end," Magnus said brightly. "Way better than my last brush with death."

"Is your Underworld filled with naked, writhing people too?" Don't ask how she knew that, just don't.

"Yeah, actually?" Magnus said, looking super concerned. "And glowy light balls. And my buddy might be dating Death, I think."

None of this had to do with STI's, but okay.

It provided a good thematic segue. "Unless you'd also like to date Death, let's talk about how you can avoid the clap.

"I don't think Taako has the clap," Magnus said very, very quietly. "But having sex without protection is like going into battle with a shield! Unless you're tested or monogamous with a person or persons who are."

Cara...actually very rarely used a shield in battle. Oops. "While only some of these diseases are lethal, you'll probably wish for death with some of the others."

"We have pictures!" Oh god, why.

To traumatise the class, obviously. "You're not going to get a lot of offers if your junk looks like this. Not one's you're going to want to take, anyway."