fandomhigh | Retro Recipes: This Sh*t is Bananas; First Period [08/01].

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Retro Recipes: This Sh*t is Bananas; First Period [08/01].

A pixelated Summer stood in front of a pixelated kitchen with a bounty of pixelated bananas before her on the counter, with....sort of..a pixelated grin on her face. "Hey, everyone," she started, once she figured anyone who was going to make it all the way up to their mushroom-lifted school, like, what?, was there. Apparently, everything being on tall mushrooms wasn't going to stop her from teaching a class. Getting up here had been a good test of the work she'd been doing on that spaceship.

"So, this class, as you know, was designed to highlight the versitility of the banana, but this week is really highlighting the fact that one of the great things about the banana is that, no matter what the res on your reality may be, it's still pretty easy to pick a banana out as a banana, thanks to its bright color and distinct shape.

"The same," she continued, a bit wryly, "can't be said for other foodstuffs. And while it is tempting to just whip something up with bananas and mushrooms, which seems to be the staple foodstuff in this particular reality, we've all got enough stuff to deal with this week, so we're just going to stick with a classic that exists in mostly basic shapes and colors: banana split sundaes."

Actual food you can enjoy eating! Unless, she supposed, you were lactose-intolerant, which she should have thought about since she was, apparently, last week, but whatever.

"It's pretty easy. Cut your banana lengthwise so it can sit nicely in your little ice cream dish, pick out a few scoops of very obviously ice cream onto it, maybe drizzle with hot fudge, add some nuts and sprinkles, which you can mostly identify as such even without detail, I've even got whipped cream and cherries for you guys. Make it looks much like a sundae as you can, and then that's it. Chill out and enjoy them as long as you want for the rest of class, unless you're eager to get back out there and jump on platforms, I don't know, I won't judge. Any questions?"

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Pixels if ya got 'em.

Wayne

Nina

Vette ~~with polys, so there~~

Shuri

It's actually a normal recipe today!

Is there a catch? What's the catch? There's got to be a catch, right?

Nope! There really wasn't. Summer was just feeling nice today and figured this was way easier than trying to figure out what was what with the pixels, because this all was pretty straightforward and easy to discern.

Wayne actually was lactose intolerant, as it so happened, but he rarely let that stop him. You could power right through that, if you really wanted to, and them making a recipe that was actually something edible and recognizable in this current state was just too good of an opportunity to pass up, especially since he'd bothered making the effort to get up here in the first place.

Even though he sort of felt like he really shouldn't have bothered...but...

Well. He was here. And making a very traditional sort of sundae that stuck to the usual rules and expectations, staring the regret he knew he'd be feeling later over it right in the face with each lift of his pixelated spoon.

W-What was that? A real, recognizable recipe that was delicious and familiar?

"Oh my gosh," Nina was muttering as she put her sundae together, "I can't believe part of me is, like, disappointed..............."

What had this class done to her?

"I swear, you kids these days," said Summer, who was all of four whole years older than Nina, "there's just no satisfying you, is there? But there's definitely some Spam or canned anchovies you can add to it if you're really feeling heartbroken about it, Nina."

There was a long pause as Nina considered that.

"No," she said, a bit regretfully, "all the weird things, like, wouldn't show up very well in a pixelated picture anyway, which is, like, half the fun of making them weird?????????"

Nina hadn't yet sent weird banana recipes to Ignis, but she was definitely considering it.

"For, like, eating, though this is totally better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So, so much better. "Though I wonder how it will settle before everyone has to leap around to get out of school……………………"

Maybe it would be like a swimming thing and they'd have to wait an hour?

"Well, I s'pose," offered Wayne, who had been listening to this exchange with a thoughtful furrow to his brow, "it all depends, now, doesn't it? On what yer starting point is considered. Like, let's just say...we all leave here after class, and, instead of jumpin' right over to the next mushroom, we just dropped right down. Game over, right back to the starting point with you. Which is fine, if the startin' point is the dorms, that's all there is to it, unless you got another class, in which case, never mind. But if you don't, and you jump off, and yer back at the dorms, problem solved. But if you don't got another class and you jump off and the starting point is now the school on account of the fact that we've been here in this class, well, then, I suppose....then...yer fucked."

No, buddy, you and your lactose intolerant ass just sitting there eating banana splits for breakfast like it was a bowl of Wheaties was fucked.

Because guess who did have a class after this.

He was clearly trying not to think about how he was going to get to that class with a stomach full of ice cream, as he dug right back in for more.

You could power right though that...if you really wanted to...

Nina grinned at him since, hey, they had the same class after this.

"I guess, like, then the real question becomes a matter of wondering where Philosophy is going to be held today," she said, since the lawn they usually had it on wasn't... really... there today...

"Maybe we'll just, like, bounce on mushrooms all class????????????"

Wayne (and his stomach) took a moment to consider that (and his mostly-finished sundae). Of course, it was pretty unlikeleh...all they really did in that class was sit and talk, which would be fine. But now Nina had gone and opened the door to the perspective that there might be bouncing, and that? Would not be fine. Wayne would wind up doing significantly more spittin' than he would be doin' talkin'.

You could power right through that, if you really wanted to...

...but Wayne didn't really want to power through all that.

He set down his spoon and pushed away his bowl.

"I think," he stated stoutly, arms folding in front of him as if to really drive home the point that he was finished, "that what the really disturbing part about this week's recipe is...that there's a supposedly grown-ass responsible adult out there who thinks that lettin' a bunch of kids eat ice cream for breakfast in class is a good idea."

Just think about who was in your class, Ms. Smith! Just think about it! This was prolly ten times worse than just regular old sugar cereal! And on a day with all this bouncing, no less!

Realleh, now.

Nina was just going to eat another spoonful of her sundae, unworried about her stomach and any bouncing she might wind up doing (she'd be fine!) and shrugged a little at him.

"They wouldn't, like, have done it back at New Leaf either," she mused, "but then, like, none of the classes here are anything like there either…………… and there's fruit in the banana splits which, like, makes it totally healthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if you add nuts too, right??????????? Nuts are good for you!!!!!!!!!!! And ice cream is just, like, an egg……………"

That was, in fact, how ice cream was made in her world.

With a single egg.

Nothing else.

~~Bless you, video games with cooking mini-games.~~

Wayne was giving you such a look right now, Nina.

"S'bit more'n eggs, Nina!" he all but barked. "The sugar content alone, Nina! S'not good, that much sugar!"

Especially not for someone like her, who seemed pretty much hopped up on the stuff from the moment she opened her damn eyes in the morning.

"You want an egg fer breakfast, Nina, you fry it up. Or scramble it. Or mix it in with an omelette, you don't go throw in some sugar and fruit and milk and freeze it up like ice cream."

As a curator of fine, complete, and legitimate breakfasts around here, this was clearly starting to get personal.

And Nina, bless her heart, blinked at him, honestly taken aback.

"But, like, I make ice cream with just an egg?????????" she ventured, confusion writ large on her face. "Like, that's how we do it at home???????????? You can't add sugar to it, if you want ice cream!!!!!!!!!! If you add sugar to an egg, you get pudding!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So. There you go, Wayne. Ice cream, as far as Nina was concerned had no sugar.

"Pud--!" Wayne started, realized he couldn't continue on with that notion, and broke himself off with an offended little sound. He turned away from Nina as if he couldn't even stand to look at someone spouting such things. But then he couldn't really shake it, either, and he looked back. "Pudding? What kind of back-asswards logic is that? What'ya get when you do add milk to it? A whole apple fucking pie?"

And this was why he would keep making breakfast on Mondays, and Nina would just be helping out with the cleaning. And why he wasn't about to go run off and have ice cream from Nina's world.

Even if it was sounding like ice cream made from just eggs would be a million times better for you, there, Lactose Boy.

She made a face at him.

"Nooooooooo??????????" Nina said, like he was the crazy one here. "Like, if you added milk and sugar to an egg, you'd just, like, make a mess??????????????????"

Really, now, Wayne. That sounded horrible.

"With, like, two eggs, though, I could make a cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Again, just the eggs. "And if, like, I added sugar to that, it'd be a shortcake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I added mayo instead of the sugar, though, I'd get a cheesecake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Edited 2019-08-01 19:53 (UTC)

And now Wayne was just hoping that Shuri at least picked up on that last one, because he was pretty sure that'd win him in ally in this battle against the ridiculous notion of what was considering cooking in Nina's world.

"That's not--!" he started, but, sometimes, like a faulty engine, Wayne had trouble getting started once he was really flustered up. "Now, how ya gonna---I mean!" For a moment there, he couldn't even form words, just an offended little sound. "I'm almost afraid to ask, Nina," but he was going to say it anyway, unable to hold back due to his sheer indignation, "but if that's how you think it works to make regular cake and short cake and cheesecake, I really gotta wonder how's it is you think a person goes about makin' pancakes..."

Nina was… mostly still just baffled that he was so upset about all of this. Vette didn't say anything when Nina cooked so, like, she hadn't realized anything was considered amiss.

Besides, like, who could argue when a dozen eggs would make six cakes and that was beyond cost effective, right there!

Pancakes, though, weren't quite as cheap. And had no eggs in them. Nina considered him as she ate more of her sundae.

"Well," she said, with the air of someone who thought this was totally obvious and completely weird for being asked about it, "obviously, to make pancakes, you take one tomato and one shellfish and cook them with sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

…Yes.

Edited 2019-08-02 12:44 (UTC)

Well, Vette was over there contemplating ketchup on her sundae, so Wayne was pretty sure that Vette's opinion on the matter was invalid anyway.

And that was...well, that was just the end of the line for Wayne. That was about on par with some of the stuff Ms. Smith was making them cook in this class, which he already felt pretty bad about, because it just seemed to be an insult to food and the people who ate it.

Which, you know. Was everyone.

Unless, at this point, Nina was just making fun of him, and he didn't much appreciate that either.

"Nina!" He really did pretty much bark this time, face glowering in a frowning squint, and if he'd been sitting right now, he'd have pushed his chair back pointedly and stood up. "Be serious! You don't make pancakes out of tomato and shellfish!"

"I am being serious," she said earnestly, which was really easy, since she was actually telling the truth and nothing but. "We make pancakes with tomato, shellfish, and sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why would I make that up??????????????????"

The sugar, though, was very important. If the sugar got left out then you wouldn't get pancakes, but rather you'd get pizza instead.

"I don't fucking know!" said Wayne, on the very edge of shouting, which was earning him at least a biiit of a side-eye from the teacher who was really, really hoping she didn't have to break up a fight in her classroom over egg ice cream and tomato-fish pancakes, what??? "All's I fucking know is that you don't make fucking pancakes with tomatoes and fucking shellfish!"

"There's no need to get so mad at me about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nina protested, getting riled up in response because, being real, Nina was never the calmest of people in the first place.

"I didn't do anything wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't help how we cook back home and we make pancakes with tomatoes and shellfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And we make ice cream with just eggs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the yelling at me isn't going to change how it works in my world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ohhhhhhkay. Summer figured she'd better jump in at this point before things escalated into more than just excessive exclamation marks and frustrated red squiggly lines dancing over people's heads.

Especially once Wayne opened his mouth to make a rebuttal, and Summer swiftly cut him off.

"Wayne," she said, in that firm voice she had to use sometimes with her dad or her grampa, which said a lot about Jerry and Rick, that they were about the same level as a petulant, stubborn sixteen-year-old year old. "Chill out, or go take a walk! You're really going to sit there, all covered in pixels, and still get all butthurt about a world where tomatoes go in pancakes? Like savory pancakes aren't even a thing? It's not even that weird, you were putting sardines in bananas last week. Come on!"

...oh, god, she was being such a teacher right now. It was super gross but also kind of thrilling.

With a grunt, Wayne looked at Nina, then looked at Ms. Smith, and then back at Nina, each glance consisting of a sharp turn of his head in that direction. And then, with a much more subtle shift of his head, glanced toward someone else in the class.

It was impolite to yell at girls, and he was going to be outnumbered on that front, besides. So if his options were to chill or take a walk....he was going to go take that fucking walk.

So, after one more pixelated glare and making a firm point of turning away from the discussion and toward the door, Wayne went ahead and stomped out of the classroom, shoulders squared, thumbs tucked into his belt loops.

He was lactose intolerant, anyway!

And Nina, beacon of maturity that she was, stuck her tongue out at him as he left.

Hmph.

"I wasn't making anything up," she said, half-way between petulant and grumpy herself. "It's not my fault he didn't like the answers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Summer just sort of sighed and shook her head and figured this was all probably the better end to all this, anyway, so the rest of them could just enjoy their ice cream in peace.

But she did pass a sympathetic look over toward Nina, though, because, god, if she hadn't been fifteen and impressionable and kind of a people-pleaser herself at one point.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," she offered. "You can't help other people's attitudes, especially when they're bad."

But after this week and last, Summer...might be a little worried about what might happen with Wayne next week. He might just riot. Burn the whole place down...

But then she couldn't help tilting her head a little curiously.

"...tomatoes, shellfish, and sugar to make pancakes, though, huh?...really?"

Looks like someone had a new way to torture the staff at Luke's on Sunday now. Mwa ha ha!

"I usually like Wayne," Nina said, a bit plaintively, then shook her head, told herself firmly to worry about it later (she was going to worry about it later, what if he didn't like her any longer?) and focused on the rest of what Summer was saying.

"Yes," she said, nodding firmly. "And you, like, can't forget the sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you forget the sugar, you'll wind up with pizza, and that's delicious, but that's definitely not perfect, fluffy pancakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

".... Are you sure this wouldn't be better with hot sauce or ham?"

Not that any of these recipes would even know what to do with hot sauce, granted.

But everything was better with hot sauce, if you asked Vette.

You know, between Nina's disappointment and Vette's speculations, Summer might have started to feel like she was really doing something awful to these kids and their brains with this class. Thankfully, though, she knew plenty about just how...er...eclectic (forgiving?) the Twi'lek diet actually was, thanks to personal experience with Hera and a significant amount of market research. So she grinned faintly, not in the least bit surprised that the only thing really throwing Vette off in this class so far was just...normal ice cream stuff.

"I'm sure there's some in the pantry if you want to add either of them," she offered. "Just be careful; it might be difficult telling bottles of hot sauce from bottles of ketchup this week."

It wouldn't be. One was marked with a cute little pixel tomato, the other with an adorable little pixel pepper.

"Ketchup might work, too," Vette mused, already trotting over to the pantry to investigate. "Ooh, look!"

There absolutely was. She was also hauling out a box of something that was arguably breakfast cereal, and a whole chicken.

Video game pantries were weird.

Who totally told herself she was just going to make and eat just one sundae, but, yeah right, like that was going to happen.

Pixels had fewer calories anyway, right?

"You made banana splits?!"

It was like he had the room bugged or something.

It was a little curious how he seemed to show up when the topic of the class seemed particularly relevant to his interests, wasn't it? Like a mid-century mindreader, or something.

The cool look Summer was giving Steeeeve, though, lost some of its effectiveness thanks to a smirk. Or just, you know, pixelization in general.

"We did," she confirmed. "And, apparently, I'm a terrible, irresponsible adult for feeding children ice cream for breakfast, there's a world where you can literally make ice cream from just eggs, that's it, and what sundaes are really missing is a whole roasted chicken. I swear, I learned more in this class today than they've probably learned all semester."

She loved her weird, weird, weird little class of last-name-less freaks.

And then her little pixel eyes regarded him a moment that she hoped dragged out nicely before asking, "Would you like to make one, too, Steeeeve?"

"I would love to make one," Steve said, grinning back. "Were they looking for fish or mayonnaise or something horrible to fall down on them?"

"....just eggs, apparently," Summer said, after a long moment of considering just how to describe how class had gone down today, and she shook her head. "And Vette felt they could use some hot sauce or ham, but, I mean, she's a Twi'lek, that's not surprising. If I actually manage to gross her out in this class, I deserve, like, a medal or something."

Steve burst out laughing. "I love the joy you take in this strange class."

Thank you, bananas, for being able to clearly be bananas even in pixel form.

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Retro Recipes: This Sh*t is Bananas; First Period [08/01].

Sign In - RR, 08/01.

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Talk to Summer - RR, 08/01.

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OOC - RR, 08/01.