Retro Recipes: This Sh*t is Bananas; First Period [07/11].

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Soooooo," said Summer, once everyone was there in the home ec room and it was time for class to begin, "last week was kind of a bust, huh? Most of you were gone because of goblinnapping or peaches, I'm assuming, and I was a weird furry creature that tried to take Wayne's head. Sorry about that, Wayne. Now, I can't guarantee that I'll never try to remove your head in future classes, but I can guarantee I will not try to remove your head in today's class."

So that was reassuring, right?

"Either way, things are somewhat normal this week, at least during the day, so we can get started in earnest. Because there is literally a whole book from the '70s called Be Bold with Bananas that is every bit as awful and terrible as it sounds to get through, and we do not have a lot of time to do it.

"So, to those of you returning to my kitchen," HIII SHURRRIIII, "welcome back, and I'm sorry. And for those of you who are new....welcome. And I'm sorry. I hope you come out of this never looking at food the same way again, but, if not? Well, I'm sure Dr. Lecter would love some new patients, and I'm sure you'd be a shoe-in."

All said with the utmost love, of course.

"Without further ado, then, we're going to start out with something simple, but don't let the simpicity fool you. This one's pretty bad. I mean, whose mouth doesn't just start to water at the words 'banana candle? Let's get started.

[[ ocd is up, y'all! ]]

Abridged Sex Ed, Thursday, Period Three

[magnusrushesin]

Your teachers were just gonna ignore any weirdness going on outside of class unless they could stab it. Then they'd stab the hell out of things.

So, for now they were sort of aggressively clutching at a few pamphlets with titles like 'Your Changing Body' and 'Why Do I Feel This Way?' They totally looked like they were fron the 80's.

"So, today we're gonna talk about The Sex," Magnus said with a totally confident nod.

Cara seemed far too pleased. Be afraid. "Since we can't assume any of you have the slightest clue, we're going to start with the basics."

"We are?" Oh god, he wasn't expected her to go this route.

At least she wasn't going to get into the question of what actually counted as sex? Much. "Generally sex occurs when at least two people decide that one of them is going to stick parts of their anatomy inside the other's." She held up her hands and gestured to demonstrate. "As far as the pamphlets are concerned these parts are a cock and a cunt, but that makes a lot of assumptions."

"Penis and vagina," Magnus added a little frantically. Because he wasn't a cool teacher, okay? He just wasn't. "Yeah, these pamphlets are pretty heteronormative."

Thanks, Travis.

"I mean," he said, doubling down on the gruff Magnus voice. "There can be other combinations of parts."

Cool, skewed idea of what constitutes appropriate, same thing really. "There doesn't even always need to be penetration, sometimes it's more grinding."

Thanks, Cara.

"Sooo, let's watch this sex ed movie from the 80s and point out all the inaccuracies!" Magnus found his own fun here.

Practical Philosophy, Thursday

[endsthegame]

There was no teacher in class or on the lawn today; Ender had promised Ben he wouldn't risk their children to come here, and he was sticking by it.

But there was a note, both virtual and on the lawn:

Please take care this week. Stay indoors, or go home if you can; there are some things you shouldn't risk.

If you have nowhere to go, and you want to leave, please call the attached number; we'll find somewhere for yo before nightfall.

Your teacher,
Andrew Wiggin

And that was that.

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