Bad Ass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, Second Period [12/04].

[died8yearsago]

It would be pretty evident to nearly anyone walking into the classroom that day that Rosa's mood was not...the best, one of anger simmering just below the barely-held-together surface. Enough that she almost wanted to cancel class today, but, whatever, there were only two more classes left, she could pull two more classes out of her butt just to say that she did it, and it wasn't the class that was making her angry, anyway. It was this goddamn island.

"So we were going to do something awesome today," she informed the class through a tight jaw, "that involved a lot of daggers and knives. But, of course...."

She plopped a bulk of something in black cloth on the desk at the front of the classroom, which should have made a very satisfying clunk of metal, and did no such thing, as she rolled the cloth away to reveal an impressive collection of candy canes of all shapes and sizes and colors. Which she angrily gestured to and would let that speak for itself.

Only four days in, and Rosa was already tired of your shit, December.

"So instead we're doing knots." Where was she hiding all that rope that she now plopped on top of the candy canes? Who even knew? "Knots are important to know, because it's easier to get out of one if you know how it works." Because so many people spent enough of their lives needing to get out of being tied to something, obviously. "So we're going to go over some knots everyone should know and how to make them. And then I'm splitting you up into pairs, one of you will tie the other one up to a chair while the person tied up tries to figure out how to get out of it. If you have time, you can keep switching and trying different knots."

With a curled lip, she glared down at the candy canes. "Without the use of a blade. Obviously."

Practical Ethics, Tuesday, December 4, 2018

[sith_happened]

The goat was back in the classroom. As were a number of smaller goats. But don't worry, being small didn't make them any less creepy. Because these were moving. And were gift-wrapped.

Anakin hadn't crawled up on to the desk at the front of the classroom but his expression said that he really, really wanted to. "Today we're talking about gift giving. Again."

"Like how if you're giving gifts, you should make sure there's enough for everyone!" Thanks, Aphra, I'm sure the class appreciated that.

"If you don't take your goat, I will personally ensure it gets delivered to your dorm room," Anakin threatened.

These teachers truly embraced the holiday spirit! "But today we will also talk about ways to...be appreciative for a gift that you might not have wanted."

At all. Ever.

"Good thing you have these awesome ones to practice with. " It was entirely possible Aphra did in fact think these were awesome gifts. Be afraid.

"Yes," Anakin said, shifting away from one of the goats that was getting too close. "How fortunate."

Aphra was a terrible person who grinned broadly at that. "I know, right?"

Humanoid Health and First Aid, Wednesday, Period 1

[deaddadsclub]

"Alright, pop quiz," Cristina said at the top of class. She was in a weirdly good mood, today. That couldn't bode well. "Giant sinkhole opens up in the middle of town, swallowing people and cars and maybe part of a building." She frowned, sighed, and shook her head. "No cars here, so let's say in Baltimore. You're on the scene, because the universe hates you, but you're lucky enough not to get caught in the immediate collapse. There's a woman trapped at the bottom under her own car, pinned by the leg. She needs immediate medical attention, but the ground's too unstable to risk moving the car to get her out. What do you do?"

She looked around at the students. "If your answer is 'cut off her leg', congratulations! That is exactly what Drs. Owen Hunt and Calliope Torres, two of the finest surgeons on the planet, decided to do when this exact thing happened in Seattle a couple — six? Seven — years ago. The extra fun part is that the sinkhole was actually too unstable to send either of them down there, so they had to walk the woman's husband through the process instead."

Yes. That totally counted as 'extra fun'.

"Now, you're probably thinking that the odds of you being faced with having to do a field amputation as a lay person are really slim, but this kind of thing happens way more often than you'd think." At least it did in her universe. "Any of you hear of the man who got his arm caught between boulders while on a remote hike, who cut his own arm off with a swiss army knife? Now that's what I call balls." She should maybe be less openly into a guy cutting off his own arm. But she was fourteen weeks into this class now and she hadn't even cared how she came off as a teacher when she'd started, so. "Anyway. Lucky you, you all get to learn how to properly amputate someone's limb today."

She then launched into a handwaved detailed explanation of how to perform a prehospital amputation, demonstrating on a simulated patient at the front of the classroom, and explaining things like how to work around the lack of cauteries or suction or replacement blood, and how much force you need if you're stuck using an actual swiss army knife to do it. When she was finished, she held up the successfully severed simulated hand and admired it with a smile. "There. See? Totally easy."

She hit a button, and simulated victims appeared around the room, trapped in a variety of places. "Your turn. First one to get your patient free and ready for an ambulance wins . . . something." She pulled out her wallet and flipped through it, then held up a five dollar bill. "Enough cash to buy yourself a cookie. Now: go!"