Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

[hollywoostar]

Mr. Peanutbutter was looking almost twitchy, now. He had on his hipster glasses and his leather patched jacket and now he was even wearing a tie, artistically loosened -- over his v-neck tshirt. He still hadn't received any notes on how he was doing. Diane said the show was doing fine now, after the rocky start (which he didn't even know he'd had, seriously, where were his notes?!), something about digital content and Secretariat? Which had almost made Bojack look like he might be an Oscar contender, so must be a good thing. But still, Mr. Peanutbutter had never worked with so little guidance from a director. He was absolutely never working with this hack team again. Never let it be said that Mr. Peanutbutter wouldn't finish out his contract, though. He was no Hollywoo diva. He was in this for the rest of the semester.

Buckle in, kids.

"Welcome back, students!" he greeted when the bell rang, the twitchiness vanishing as if by magic. (It was magic: the magic . . . of acting!) That bell was like a director calling action. All the nerves and worries and script issues just bled away and real life Mr. Peanutbutter was immediately replaced with television darling Mr. Peanutbutter. He was such a good boy. "So we've managed to cover two of the three R's in class so far: writing and 'rrrrrrrrrithmetic. Let's take on that last R: reading."

He circled the desk and sat down on it, leaning forward. "Can I get real with you kids for a moment?" Of course he could, he'd taken the traditional 'get real with you' stance. "I do not like reading. Never got into the habit of it! And really, the book is a dying form. Do not tell my wife I said that." He chuckled, then got serious again. "But when you're in school, reading is important. You may never read another thing the rest of your life after you leave here." Please, please be sure to read other things after you leave here. "But while you're still learning, it's for some reason very important.

"Now, I had the good fortune to work with literary genius J.D. Salinger on my last television project: 'Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities What Do They Know Do They Know Things Let's Find out'." It was amazing how he was able to rattle that whole title off like it was nothing. "And while I was preparing for that show, I did some reading. I read the entire Cliff's Notes for Receiver in the Wheatfield and you know what? I did not understand it at all! I mean, just look at the title. Shouldn't that be about fetch? No one threw any sticks or balls or anything. It was just some kid complaining about how hard being a kid is! I couldn't relate in the least. Which is, of course, the true sign of great literature." You've all learned not to pay any attention at all to him, right? Oh god. "So today we're going to take some time to do some 'SSR', which is not, as you might guess, the new hip way of referring to the United Soviet States of Russia." Nobody thought that, Mr. Peanutbutter. And not just because that wasn't what "USSR" actually stood for. "It's 'Sustained, Silent Reading'. Doesn't that sound great?" It didn't. "Now some of you might be the nerdy type who actually just carries books of your own around for fun, but reading for pleasure is not the point of high school reading classes. So I do not want to see any fun books in here, today. Instead, I've brought some books from the library for you all to choose from!" He picked up a stack of large, dusty books and started to pass them out to the students. "We'll read for most of the class, and then I'd like each of you to give a short report on what you read and how you might use it to further your education. Let's get started, shall we?"

Ethics, Thursday

[saddeserthermit]

When the students arrived, they'd find the teachers up at the front of the classroom as usual. Anakin, not like usual, was eating a giant bar of chocolate.

"Good morning, everyone," he said, smirking slightly.

Obi-Wan, rather more like usual, was looking faintly exasperated about Anakin in general. "Envy can be a dangerous emotion," he said. "Driving some of the worst impulses in sentient nature. For instance, today, you might be feeling envious about your neighbor, as we have given half of you chocolate bars, and the other half of you-- nothing."

"Really good, really big chocolate bars," Anakin said because he enjoyed piling on. "Now those of you who don't have anything... well, you didn't have anything when you came in, and you really had no expectation of getting a treat coming to class, but that's probably not what it feels like right now, is it?"

"Life rarely allows us a level playing field," Obi-Wan said, "and even when it does, the outcomes are never fair. How do you deal with that? If you do not have chocolate, will you let the envy ruin your class? If you do, will you gloat or share? Is it simply a case of saying 'too bad' to your classmates, or are you driven by some desire to even the scales?"

"And if you're unmoved by free sweets, think back to our exercise in privilege and think of something that you don't have that others take for granted, or the reverse," Anakin said. "Because, as Master Kenobi says, this isn't really about the chocolate."

"To conclude," Obi-Wan said, "How will you cope?"

It sounded like the end of the lecture-- except it was followed five seconds later with, "Anakin, stop eating chocolate in front of the students."