fandomhigh | Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

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Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

Mr. Peanutbutter was looking almost twitchy, now. He had on his hipster glasses and his leather patched jacket and now he was even wearing a tie, artistically loosened -- over his v-neck tshirt. He still hadn't received any notes on how he was doing. Diane said the show was doing fine now, after the rocky start (which he didn't even know he'd had, seriously, where were his notes?!), something about digital content and Secretariat? Which had almost made Bojack look like he might be an Oscar contender, so must be a good thing. But still, Mr. Peanutbutter had never worked with so little guidance from a director. He was absolutely never working with this hack team again. Never let it be said that Mr. Peanutbutter wouldn't finish out his contract, though. He was no Hollywoo diva. He was in this for the rest of the semester.

Buckle in, kids.

"Welcome back, students!" he greeted when the bell rang, the twitchiness vanishing as if by magic. (It was magic: the magic . . . of acting!) That bell was like a director calling action. All the nerves and worries and script issues just bled away and real life Mr. Peanutbutter was immediately replaced with television darling Mr. Peanutbutter. He was such a good boy. "So we've managed to cover two of the three R's in class so far: writing and 'rrrrrrrrrithmetic. Let's take on that last R: reading."

He circled the desk and sat down on it, leaning forward. "Can I get real with you kids for a moment?" Of course he could, he'd taken the traditional 'get real with you' stance. "I do not like reading. Never got into the habit of it! And really, the book is a dying form. Do not tell my wife I said that." He chuckled, then got serious again. "But when you're in school, reading is important. You may never read another thing the rest of your life after you leave here." Please, please be sure to read other things after you leave here. "But while you're still learning, it's for some reason very important.

"Now, I had the good fortune to work with literary genius J.D. Salinger on my last television project: 'Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities What Do They Know Do They Know Things Let's Find out'." It was amazing how he was able to rattle that whole title off like it was nothing. "And while I was preparing for that show, I did some reading. I read the entire Cliff's Notes for Receiver in the Wheatfield and you know what? I did not understand it at all! I mean, just look at the title. Shouldn't that be about fetch? No one threw any sticks or balls or anything. It was just some kid complaining about how hard being a kid is! I couldn't relate in the least. Which is, of course, the true sign of great literature." You've all learned not to pay any attention at all to him, right? Oh god. "So today we're going to take some time to do some 'SSR', which is not, as you might guess, the new hip way of referring to the United Soviet States of Russia." Nobody thought that, Mr. Peanutbutter. And not just because that wasn't what "USSR" actually stood for. "It's 'Sustained, Silent Reading'. Doesn't that sound great?" It didn't. "Now some of you might be the nerdy type who actually just carries books of your own around for fun, but reading for pleasure is not the point of high school reading classes. So I do not want to see any fun books in here, today. Instead, I've brought some books from the library for you all to choose from!" He picked up a stack of large, dusty books and started to pass them out to the students. "We'll read for most of the class, and then I'd like each of you to give a short report on what you read and how you might use it to further your education. Let's get started, shall we?"

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All literary and shit

Xanthippe Voorhees

Peridot

Faith Connors

Cassandra Pentaghast

Steven Universe

Kuzco

Khadgar

Hanna Heller

Were there any subjects from school Mr. Peanutbutter thought might actually serve a purpose in adult life?

Honestly, probably not. Maybe gym?

Well, at least Xanthippe was acclimating to this class, even if it had taken her a while.

Although now it had her slumping back in her chair and worrying about her GPA.

Well... Peridot supposed she ought to be thankful that she'd learned how to read the alphabet they used here over the summer.

Even if it really was a stupid alphabet.

Titles include, but are not limited to:
The Receiver in the Wheatfield
Our Adelina
King of the Bees
Agricultural Commune*
The Red A

[Mod your own high school reading list classics at will.
* Mr. Peanutbutter really especially deeply does not understand the premise of this book. Of course the animals are talking to each other and working together the way humans do. Why wouldn't they? This really just seems like a book about how early 20th century farming worked.]

Edited 2016-09-29 04:47 (UTC)

Peridot had picked up King of the Bees first, and was not too proud to admit that it was kind of resonating with her. A little. What with the people being stranded in a hostile and strange environment and all.

But it was going to be a slow process, since she was still working on actual fluency in reading in English, and she felt obligated to keep stopping to check with her screen to see what things like glasses and pigs were.

"Finally," Cassandra breathed. (By which she meant: finally, a class about something she liked.)

She picked up The Red A and was immediately engrossed.

Faith wasn't really a big reader, and honestly, the book she picked was a little beyond what she could comfortably understand. But she got enough of the gist of it to come to the conclusion that it was pretentious, and she spent more time stubbornly staring at the pages than actually processing the words she was looking at.

Steven was terrible at silent reading. Having picked up Agricultural Commune, he couldn't help but audibly gasp at points. Or interject "He did what?!" and then look around sheepishly when he realized he wasn't being silent.

Khadgar absolutely had his own books in his bag (honestly, what else was the point of having a bag?) but he picked up King of the Bees anyway and was intrigued quickly.

Tell us about your book. As best you can, especially those who might not be great at reading English for whatever reason. And don't forget to include how it might be relevant to your education!

Peridot cleared her throat, not quite certain that making a presentation on an entire novel that she was supposed to read within the span of a single hour was a great idea. But Peridots had their pride, so she was willing to give this her best attempt.

She'd read far enough to figure out the basic premise, and then had skipped to the end, where the smaller humans were rescued by the larger human, who was disappointed in their conduct. It had managed to strike a nerve.

"The book I chose appears to be about a group of small humans, perhaps meant to be the human analog to the Rubies of homeworld-" they were stupid and violent, anyway, "-who find themselves trapped in a strange environment after a crash."

No, really, this was basically the story of her life since the summer had started, only she was stuck here alone.

"They come up with a crude method of acknowledging rank and power, and... burn down the island they're trapped on-" which was sometimes tempting, "-before a larger human comes to rescue them and tells them what disappointments they're being."

She might have missed the allegory in there. Just a little.

"Which would be useful for me if I was ever stranded on a strange island after a crash, and found myself unable to contact anybody from home who might be able to rescue me before that island was thoroughly destroyed." A beat. "I'm keeping this book."

Omigod Mr. Peanutbutter just managed to instill this little starfish with a love of reading and great literature. He was the greatest teacher ever.

"That's wonderful, Peridot! Buuuuuuut I do need to take that book back to the library. I'm sure we can find you another copy somewhere in town?"

Peridot scowled at that notion. And then clutched the book to her chest. And hissed.

Peridot was still adjusting to the concept of 'sharing.'

Mr. Peanutbutter did not know that starfish hissed. Even he was learning new things in this class.

"Hey," he said, holding up his palms in a calming gesture and speaking as he would to one of his nephews who refused to give back the ball during fetch. "Down, girl. Drop it. Droooooop it. . . ."

Peridot was stepping backwards now, squinting mistrustfully at the raised palms. She wasn't afraid to run up the wall and camp out on the ceiling with this book if that was what it took, Mr. Peanutbutter.

"I need it," she protested. "It's like... like a manual!"

Of what not to do when stranded on a strange island, maybe.

Mr. Peanutbutter had not read King of the Bees. If he had, that might be concerning. "That's just fine," he assured Peridot. "But that copy is someone else's manual. Tell you what: I don't have to return these books until next week. Why don't you hold on to that one for now, and we'll go into town together sometime and find you your very own copy?"

Peridot considered that for a moment, now a half-step away from planting one gravity connector to the wall and running vertical. She looked down at the book, and then back up at Mr. Peanutbutter again.

"... That would be acceptable."

Mr. Peanutbutter clapped his hands. "Great! Just let me know whenever you're free. This is literally my only obligation on this island."

He was such a great teacher! This episode would get him elected Governor of California for sure.

"I have... employment... tomorrow. Perhaps on one of the days of the weekend?"

Brace yourself, Mr. Peanutbutter. If you took her up on that, she was going to be doing a lot of ducking and hiding behind you on your book adventure.

Well, hey, if they brought Todd along, it was likely to become a real actual adventure! Full of poorly thought out ideas and spur of the moment changes in plans!

Also, Peridot might end up with a monthly snack subscription instead of a book at the end.

"Sounds good to me!" Mr. Peanutbutter said. "My wife was supposed to come by, but she ended up being assigned a really big article for her feminist blog and is going to have to stay in LA all weekend. So I'll have plenty of time."

Peridot would probably try to figure out a way to make small projectile weapons out of the snacks that she wasn't going to eat. Or else use them as currency to bribe other students.

Which was still a better conclusion than taking any lessons from King of the Bees might take her to.

"... The weekend, then," she decided, nodding and tucking the book under her arm. "Perfect."

Faith looked a little helpless when it came time to present. She hadn't made much progress and she wasn't sure she totally understood everything she had read.

"Uh... this is a book by a guy who really likes books," she ventured. "And I think it's supposed to teach us that reading is really important."

It was so meta!

"Interesting." Mr. Peanutbutter had a general idea that that wasn't quite what that book was about, but it wasn't like he'd actually read the damn thing, so he couldn't say for sure. "And why do you think the author thinks reading is important?"

"Uh, well, they burn books and watch a lot of TV," Faith said. Like Peridot, she felt a little uncomfortable presenting on a book she hadn't finished, especially since she was pretty sure she didn't understand it. "And this one lady kills herself when they take her books away. I think it's supposed to say that books are the way we understand our lives, or something."

She scratched the back of her neck uncomfortably.

"Iiiiinteresting," Mr. Peanutbutter said again, sounding much more dubious. Books being more important than television? Hogwash!

(Somewhere, a hog was snorting indignantly and adjusting the lapels of his suit.)

"Next question: do you agree with the author's point?"

"I don't think so," she said after a moment of actually, honestly thinking about the question. "I don't really watch TV, but it's basically the same thing as books, right? Why would one be better than the other?"

"Because with television you can actually see what's happening." Which made it better, right? "What's your preferred method of getting stories, then?" He asked, genuinely curious. "Are you a movie buff?"

Everyone liked stories. She had to be getting them from somewhere, right?

"Not really." Sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. "I guess comic books are okay. And video games."

She was more a go-outside-and-run-around kind of person.

But -- stories!

"Those are both great!" Mr. Peanutbutter was nothing if not excellent at getting excited about other people's hobbies. "Not really things you learn about in school, but that's alright. It's important to keep a healthy school-life balance."

"You could spend a class session on them," Faith suggested hopefully. "So we could all learn about school-life balance."

"Mayyyybe," Mr. Peanutbutter said thoughtfully. "If I run out of curriculum classes to teach before the end of the season."

Honestly, he wouldn't be any better at teaching those than he was at teaching anything else.

He's got his reading glasses on over his hipster glasses (with his sunglasses still perched as ever on his head) while he puzzles his way through Harper Lee's classic.

"I don't get it," he can be heard to mumble at some point. "Where's the mockingbird?"

I almost forgot to post this because I got too into my book.

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Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

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