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fandomhigh2016-09-29 12:45 am
hollywoostar) wrote in fandomhigh2016-09-29 12:45 am
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Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1
Mr. Peanutbutter was looking almost twitchy, now. He had on his hipster glasses and his leather patched jacket and now he was even wearing a tie, artistically loosened -- over his v-neck tshirt. He still hadn't received any notes on how he was doing. Diane said the show was doing fine now, after the rocky start (which he didn't even know he'd had, seriously, where were his notes?!), something about digital content and Secretariat? Which had almost made Bojack look like he might be an Oscar contender, so must be a good thing. But still, Mr. Peanutbutter had never worked with so little guidance from a director. He was absolutely never working with this hack team again. Never let it be said that Mr. Peanutbutter wouldn't finish out his contract, though. He was no Hollywoo diva. He was in this for the rest of the semester.
Buckle in, kids.
"Welcome back, students!" he greeted when the bell rang, the twitchiness vanishing as if by magic. (It was magic: the magic . . . of acting!) That bell was like a director calling action. All the nerves and worries and script issues just bled away and real life Mr. Peanutbutter was immediately replaced with television darling Mr. Peanutbutter. He was such a good boy. "So we've managed to cover two of the three R's in class so far: writing and 'rrrrrrrrrithmetic. Let's take on that last R: reading."
He circled the desk and sat down on it, leaning forward. "Can I get real with you kids for a moment?" Of course he could, he'd taken the traditional 'get real with you' stance. "I do not like reading. Never got into the habit of it! And really, the book is a dying form. Do not tell my wife I said that." He chuckled, then got serious again. "But when you're in school, reading is important. You may never read another thing the rest of your life after you leave here." Please, please be sure to read other things after you leave here. "But while you're still learning, it's for some reason very important.
"Now, I had the good fortune to work with literary genius J.D. Salinger on my last television project: 'Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities What Do They Know Do They Know Things Let's Find out'." It was amazing how he was able to rattle that whole title off like it was nothing. "And while I was preparing for that show, I did some reading. I read the entire Cliff's Notes for Receiver in the Wheatfield and you know what? I did not understand it at all! I mean, just look at the title. Shouldn't that be about fetch? No one threw any sticks or balls or anything. It was just some kid complaining about how hard being a kid is! I couldn't relate in the least. Which is, of course, the true sign of great literature." You've all learned not to pay any attention at all to him, right? Oh god. "So today we're going to take some time to do some 'SSR', which is not, as you might guess, the new hip way of referring to the United Soviet States of Russia." Nobody thought that, Mr. Peanutbutter. And not just because that wasn't what "USSR" actually stood for. "It's 'Sustained, Silent Reading'. Doesn't that sound great?" It didn't. "Now some of you might be the nerdy type who actually just carries books of your own around for fun, but reading for pleasure is not the point of high school reading classes. So I do not want to see any fun books in here, today. Instead, I've brought some books from the library for you all to choose from!" He picked up a stack of large, dusty books and started to pass them out to the students. "We'll read for most of the class, and then I'd like each of you to give a short report on what you read and how you might use it to further your education. Let's get started, shall we?"
Buckle in, kids.
"Welcome back, students!" he greeted when the bell rang, the twitchiness vanishing as if by magic. (It was magic: the magic . . . of acting!) That bell was like a director calling action. All the nerves and worries and script issues just bled away and real life Mr. Peanutbutter was immediately replaced with television darling Mr. Peanutbutter. He was such a good boy. "So we've managed to cover two of the three R's in class so far: writing and 'rrrrrrrrrithmetic. Let's take on that last R: reading."
He circled the desk and sat down on it, leaning forward. "Can I get real with you kids for a moment?" Of course he could, he'd taken the traditional 'get real with you' stance. "I do not like reading. Never got into the habit of it! And really, the book is a dying form. Do not tell my wife I said that." He chuckled, then got serious again. "But when you're in school, reading is important. You may never read another thing the rest of your life after you leave here." Please, please be sure to read other things after you leave here. "But while you're still learning, it's for some reason very important.
"Now, I had the good fortune to work with literary genius J.D. Salinger on my last television project: 'Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities What Do They Know Do They Know Things Let's Find out'." It was amazing how he was able to rattle that whole title off like it was nothing. "And while I was preparing for that show, I did some reading. I read the entire Cliff's Notes for Receiver in the Wheatfield and you know what? I did not understand it at all! I mean, just look at the title. Shouldn't that be about fetch? No one threw any sticks or balls or anything. It was just some kid complaining about how hard being a kid is! I couldn't relate in the least. Which is, of course, the true sign of great literature." You've all learned not to pay any attention at all to him, right? Oh god. "So today we're going to take some time to do some 'SSR', which is not, as you might guess, the new hip way of referring to the United Soviet States of Russia." Nobody thought that, Mr. Peanutbutter. And not just because that wasn't what "USSR" actually stood for. "It's 'Sustained, Silent Reading'. Doesn't that sound great?" It didn't. "Now some of you might be the nerdy type who actually just carries books of your own around for fun, but reading for pleasure is not the point of high school reading classes. So I do not want to see any fun books in here, today. Instead, I've brought some books from the library for you all to choose from!" He picked up a stack of large, dusty books and started to pass them out to the students. "We'll read for most of the class, and then I'd like each of you to give a short report on what you read and how you might use it to further your education. Let's get started, shall we?"
Re: Make your presentations
Re: Make your presentations
She scratched the back of her neck uncomfortably.
Re: Make your presentations
(Somewhere, a hog was snorting indignantly and adjusting the lapels of his suit.)
"Next question: do you agree with the author's point?"
Re: Make your presentations
Re: Make your presentations
Everyone liked stories. She had to be getting them from somewhere, right?
Re: Make your presentations
She was more a go-outside-and-run-around kind of person.
Re: Make your presentations
"Those are both great!" Mr. Peanutbutter was nothing if not excellent at getting excited about other people's hobbies. "Not really things you learn about in school, but that's alright. It's important to keep a healthy school-life balance."
Re: Make your presentations
Re: Make your presentations
Honestly, he wouldn't be any better at teaching those than he was at teaching anything else.