Adventures Through History, Thursday, period 2

[locointhecoco]

Students entering the Danger Shop for Pinkie's workshop today would find themselves on the deck of a grand -- and not even remotely historically accurate -- three-masted sailing vessel. There were ropes! There was rigging! There were masts and sails and a whole lot of barrels!

Each barrel, in fact, held a lovely lacy table cloth and a delicate little Georgian tea set. Looking out over the bow of the ship, the students would see a golden dome glinting in the moonlight.

Pinkie bounced up from below decks wearing a curly white wig and a lovely blue and yellow jacket with far too many buttons. "Hi, everypony! This is our first day of Adventures Through History! The class where you don't just learn about history, you get to live it! I'm Pinkie Pie, your professor, and welcome . . ." She paused dramatically for effect. A drum roll played. ". . . to the BOSTON TEA PARTY!"

Somewhere out there, Twilight Sparkle was face-hoofing like mad.

"That's right, apparently the Founding Feathers got a whole country started with a tea party, so I figured why not get our class started the same way? We've got lots of different kinds of tea, like Earl Grey, which isn't actually Earling anything, and oolong, which is just fun to say. Oolongoolongloolongoolong! So grab a costume, pick a barrel --" she had to pause here to giggle over how much that sounded like 'pickle barrel' "-- and get partying! Oh! And maybe talk about what kinds of things you'd want in a country you were just starting. Like balloons!"

Who needed introductions when there were costumes and tea to be had and countries to found? Really now.

"Oh! And hopefully there's a Cara around here, somewhere, 'cause she's signed up to be a TA. If anyone else wants to help, let me know! The more the merrier!"

Childcare For Dummies [Thursday, May 10, 2012]

[sith_happened]

The classroom’s walls were brightly colored, and there were books, toys, and far too many stickers strewn about on tables just the right height for normal-sized humans to crack their shins into. There was also, should anyone be the sort to not wear shoes, a minefield of lego pieces scattered all around.

Just be glad they weren't making you kids walk through that classroom in the dark.

Yet. That was more advanced-level work. There was a distinct aroma of spilled apple juice and someone who hadn’t quite made it to the potty on time. Look, your teachers were just really dedicated to the authentic experience. You should all be glad they cared that much about your education.

“This is ‘Don’t Screw Up a Kid Too Badly’ class,” Anakin told him from where he was perched precariously in a bean bag chair.

Deadpool on the other hand, wasn't doing so well in his beanbag chair. Something about not having fruity Jedi powers. But that was neither here nor there. "As the man said, we're gonna show you how to raise a--semi-normal child in an environment such as Fandom. Where kids might randomly wake up to find that mommy and daddy have turned into small monsters that are forced to fight against each other in a vicious battle. Or their douchey clone who never wears a shirt."

A beat.

"Hypothetically speaking."

“Or cries all the time,” Anakin said, making a face. “Also hypothetically. The most important thing to learn about small children is that they have the attention span of a monkey-lizard on glitterstim, so you have to have at least four things for them to be doing ready at all times, or else they will find something to do. Like climb the bookcase, or let the dog out the front door, or paint the sofa with glitter puffy paint.”

"One time they might, hypothetically, end up trying to make breakfast with everything in the freezer because they're like these horrible monsters that want food all the time," Deadpool added. "I don't even know how she got into the freezer!"

Anakin snorted. “To get you used to this, we have a series of activities set up and we will ring a buzzer--” an insanely loud buzzer, “--to let you know when you need to switch to a new activity.”

"And for the love of all that is holy, don't eat the--!*($#@--what was that? Oh god, am I back in the comics code rules again?" Deadpool asked, grabbing at his throat. "No! I want back to MAX rules! Where I can stab everyone and say things like &$*#! And %@#*!"

Anakin stared at him. “This happens some times,” he said, vaguely apologetic. He clapped his hands and the horrifying horrifying sounds of a purple dinosaur singing about how much he loved you echoed through the room. “No children today. We’re starting you off easy.”

They weren’t.

Cryptozoology 101

[nohattrick.livejournal.com]

"Morning class," Trick said as the bell rang. He was standing next to his desk, because sitting behind it would just make him look like a kid. How he missed his bar, sometimes. "Welcome to Cryptozoology 101. I'm your professor, Fitzpatrick Maccorieghan, but, please, call me Trick. As I'm sure most of you know, cryptozoology is the study of hidden animals, or, more specifically, the study of creatures not normally recognized by modern science. There are generally considered to be four kinds of cryptids: creatures of myth and legend, like dragons and unicorns; supernatural beings; the Fae; and those that don't fit into the other three categories, like the Yeti or the Loch Ness monster. Those are generally considered to be remnants of extinct species, and, for the purposes of this class, anyway, are categorized as 'Others.' We will be focusing on the Fae for this class; regardless of how your own worlds work, in some worlds they are very real and often dangerous to humans. This class is designed to give you some tips on recognizing some of the more common Fae creatures that people can come in contact with, and knowing how to best handle them."

"The information I'll be passing along to you comes from countless books on the subject and also many years of me dealing with the Fae in question. I promise you that every type of Fae we'll discuss this term is one that I have dealt with personally. All the information I'll be sharing with you is information that I know for a fact is true and accurate, though it carries the caveat that it is only true and accurate for my world. Since coming to Fandom and working with Portalocity, I realize that things that are true in one world may not carry over to another. Thus, I urge you all to take this information as only a starting point--don't take this class and decide that you can then stand up to whatever nasty creature is lurking in the abandoned well back home. It's a good way to end up dead." Trick was aware that he probably sounded like some kind of paranoid scholar or something, but he'd seen far too many dead humans over the years to treat the subject lightly.

"We'll be getting into more of that next week; this week is for introductions, if the radio is to be believed. So, today, I'd like you all to list your name, class, why you took this course, and any experience in dealing with cryptids of any type. If you don't have any experience, that's fine. Feel free to share your favorite cryptid from a book or movie." He pointed to a random student. "Please begin."