How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

[nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com]

"Hey, you made it back. 'Grats on not being losers," Lucas said as the class began. "I'm breaking up the semester so you'll get some time learning about all three movie genres that are worth anything at the box office. And we're starting with the easiest genre, comedy. Really, anyone can make someone laugh. All you really have to do is fart at the right time. Well, that's all you have to do. Farting's beneath me. You'll never catch me farting for a laugh. A-listers don't have to unless they really need a paycheck, or they're pretenders to the crown."

"But hey, you want to fart, go ahead and fart. I'll just grab a gas mask," Lucas said. "Anyway, the key to comedy - besides farting - is that you don't have to be funny. Unless you're really good at improv - and based on last week, none of you are... except for maybe the frog kid. That bear thing cracked me up - you're going to be completely dependent on what people who are SO MUCH funnier than you write. Don't admit thatin the press. The writers know the deal. All the credit goes to you. You can even say that you improved your lines, nobody will say anything else because they're beneath you. But hey, if they figure out how to become directors, then they'll get some credit. Until then, be sure to sell those bastards out like your career depends on it, because it probably does."

"And that's all comedy acting is. It's lying about how funny you are. And if you're good enough at that while you're reading those things actual funny people wrote for you to say, then somebody might believe you and give you more work, or maybe a Golden Globe," Lucas said. "And remember, you get to drink at that show."

"So, here's what we're doing today," Lucas said, reaching under his desk to pull out a bunch of joke books and tossing them indiscriminately toward his students.

Because if they got hit in the face, it would be funny.

"Grab a book, grab a partner, make them laugh. If they don't laugh, you're doing something wrong because a lot of those jokes are great. Go ahead and fart if you're getting desperate," Lucas encouraged. "We'll know that you suck, but at least you'll make it another day in the business. I'll be around to give some tips on delivery if you're dying out there." Or, more likely, he would heckle.

[OOC: Really, he's more throwing them to the students, only a little high. But obviously, feel free to catch or dodge or bat away any joke books. They're small, 100 page softcover things, so they're not going to hurt that bad, even if they do hit....]

Pop Culture 101 | Friday | Period 2

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

When the students filed into the classroom today, they'd see both John and three televisions hooked up to the laptop on his desk. Yes, John was a product of the technological age. Right now he was looking through pictures of his son but he'd soon use the hookup for class.

( There's a lecture under here! )

Library [01/14]

[wesleynotponcy.livejournal.com]

Wesley had a nice big stack of books on the library counter today to go through, including all sorts of subjects that had come up in conversation this week. Like ghosts. And space. And ghosts in space, but he was going to take an educated guess and assume that that one was fiction. Fortunately, this week there were no maddening phones ringing, so reading was actually possible. Hooray!

Dealing With Idiots | Friday | Period 4 (Session 2)

[prof_of_cunning]

Once again, Edmund stood at the head of the class with accompaniment of the odoriferous variety - though today, Baldrick had a tree-shaped, pine-scented air freshener dangling from the front corner of his tricorn hat. It cut the smell a bit, though it did result in a cross-eyed Baldrick.

"Remember when I said he wouldn't be here for every class? I didn't mean this one," Edmund said with perhaps the tiniest hint of apology in his tone. "If you wish to move your things to a seat that's further upwind, please do so."

"Now, to the topic at hand: before you can decide how best to bear the presence of the terminally melon-headed, you're going to have to identify them." He pointed at Baldrick, currently batting at his dangling pine-tree like a brain-damaged cat. (Or, frankly, any other cat, but only a brain-damaged one would allow itself to smell like that.) "I don't mean recognizing their presence. Aside from a few stealth-sorts, you're not going to miss them when they're standing in front of you unless you're one of them; if you haven't figured out that Baldrick is one, for instance, get out."

His hopes had been raised a bit by the last class, but Edmund still paused in case anyone chose to flee the room, then continued. "By identifying them, I mean classing them into various types, so you can choose the correct reaction. We'll start with the simplest."

Turning to the chalkboard behind him, he wrote out in clear, if rather fancy, lettering: Idiots You Don't Have To Be Nice To. Then he turned back to the class.

"These are the people with whom you don't need to hold back your scorn and annoyance. You'll never see them again. You don't need anything from them except, perhaps, their absence. They work for you. They've already established that they don't like you, so you might as well let fly. They're deaf, senile, or so profoundly stupid that they won't understand that they're being insulted, or at least won't remember it tomorrow morning. They're Baldrick -- which I realize is a bit redundant given the previous sentence, but the magnificence of his dullarditude puts him into a category all his own."

"Thank you, sir; unusually kind of you to say."

"Think nothing of it - also a redundant statement." To the class, Edmund said, "These are just a few broad sub-groups. Your assignment today, especially those of you from societies quite different to the 18th Century wherein my expertise lies, is to come up with specific examples that relate to your own time, place, and personal experience. Feel free to expand on each other's descriptions, or point out pitfalls under which one might, sadly, have to pretend the person described isn't a complete gitface."

[OOC: 1) Yes, he's a terrible person, and proceeds on the hopeful assumption that you are too. 2) No, he's never going to stop abusing Baldrick. 3) OCD is up; have at it!]