Dealing with Stupid People [Monday, June 25, 2nd period]

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"Okay, people this is gonna be a...thing...so I recommend coffee. Lots of coffee."

Josh, personally, was on his sixth cup.

"For your final class, I wanted to present you with a challenge." There was a dangerous spark in his eyes. "So I found a couple of special guests. Ladies and gentlemen, the Jerries!"

He hissed to the class, "Ixnay on talk about the overnmentgay."

This...should be something.

Comments

Talk to the Guests!

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Because these should be some sane and rational conversations...

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"There are no armadillos here, Jerry!" one Jerry hissed.

"We were promised armadillos!"

"With fresh raisins!"

"Your raisins have been shipped from Japan!"

"We specified that! Japanese raisins!"

"We shall not stand for this, Jerry!"

"We are the Queen! The Queen does not stand for such things!"

"The Queen has her own army, you know!"

"Our pocket knives are better than yours," said one Jerry, nodding.

"Just ask the donkeys," said the other.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[multiplez]

"I'll take your word for it about the pocket knives," Z assured them. "Er. Your majesty."

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, Edward," said one Jerry, sweeping her a bow.

"We rather enjoyed the play, Edward."

"We thought your performance was particularly superb."

"We have never quite believed in a clarinet so clearly."

"You have a very Grecian air to you."

"We are fond of your vases, Jerry."

"Yes, yes, indeed, Edward! We shall make you ambassador."

"Ambassador to Sweden!"

"West Sweden, at least," beamed one Jerry.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

Zack blinked. "Why wouldn't we talk about the government?"

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Both Jerries gasped.

"Jerry! He is a spy!"

"He was sent by the pandas!"

"The pandas are coming, Jerry!"

"The pandas will send the mafia!"

"He is working for the government's mafia pandas!"

"He is spying on my brain waves!"

"No! No! He is in my brain, Jerry!"

One Jerry began smacking himself in the ears with his fists while the other ran around in a circle, ears plugged, singing "My Fair Lady" in falsetto.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[vkandis-son.livejournal.com]

Karal? Stared. "Are the donkeys able to speak?" he finally managed to ask.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Why no, Jerry," said one Jerry distinctly.

"The donkeys drowned," said the other.

"Yes. They drowned because they ran away."

"They ran away because they drowned."

"They were stolen by the government, Jerry."

"The government drowned our donkeys."

"So the donkeys ran away to join the circus."

"We have no circus, Jerry!"

"Where would we keep one?"

"There's already one in our basement."

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel nodded her head regallly. "Welcome to our class your majesty."

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, Jerry!" One Jerry bowed.

"We had a lovely voyage."

"We rode here on an escalator!"

"It made stops in Finland so we could recharge our whole wheat toast."

"Whole wheat toast can't get you all the way to Finland, you know."

"Not without butter!"

"Not without strawberry jam!"

"Not without strawberries and shortcake!"

"Not without a much longer cake!"

"We should have stopped for tea."

"Did you bring any tea, Jerry?" one Jerry asked hopefully.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"What the hell?" Beat up with a hangover, Johnny just didn't get it.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Ah yes!" cried one Jerry. "His Honor is here already!"

"Did you bring the asbestos we requested?"

"It is so hard getting good asbestos this time of year."

"We heard we wouldn't have fresh asbestos until mid-spring!"

"How are we to rig the soapbox derby without any asbestos, Jerry?"

"How are we to make lemon meringue pot pie without any asbestos, Jerry?"

"How are we to take up knitting without any asbestos, Jerry?"

"Just look at the size of my fingers! Look at them!"

One Jerry held his hand out expectantly.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan considered very, very carefully how he was going to respond. "What are you doing?" he said, sternly. "I told you not to ask for armadillos ever again!"

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Both Jerries straightened up immediately.

"Yes, Your Majesty!" said one, bowing.

"We're very sorry, Your Majesty."

"We had no idea you would be here."

"You aren't usually this far south of Poland, Your Excellency."

"We simply wanted the raisins, you know."

"Raisins aren't armadillos! They're perfectly alphabetical!"

"We won't bother your courtesans again, Your Worshipfulness."

"They seem to be allergic to our fleece!"

"And we did order the fleece special and all," sighed one Jerry wistfully.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[stocksgrrl.livejournal.com]

"You shouldn't get Japanese raisins," Turtle said idly with a sigh. "They get horrible market reviews."

She was tired and cranky with having to deal with too many stupid people in the real world, and just wanted to be out of stupid people class.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Do you have other raisins, Jerry?" asked one Jerry curiously.

"We have heard good things about Portuguese raisins."

"We have heard there are fields of Portugal with raisins in them!"

"They were raised to be fur coats, and the meat is tenderized with shrimp!"

"We do so love a good shrimp, Jerry."

"We have no Portuguese Olympics, Jerry."

"No indeed. That's why we need the raisins."

"For the donkeys."

"So they don't drown."

Both Jerries nodded solemnly.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[notqueenyet.livejournal.com]

"I am not allowed to have my pocket knives, and I'm sane," Aravis said, frowning.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"We are sane, too, Jerry!" cried one Jerry, latching on to one word they knew very, very well.

"Don't let the government tell you otherwise!"

"They tried to lock us up, Jerry!"

"They made us take some pills!"

"The pills make us craaaaaaaazy," said one Jerry, making a comical motion next to his head.

"Can you imagine that?! We were utterly insane!"

"We had no fishwives at all!"

"How are we to get to Nova Scotia without any fishknives?"

"It isn't as though fish-hives are easy to find, Jerry!"

"Believe us. We've looked," said one Jerry sadly.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

Inara tried not to stare, but really. "Why does The Queen have her own army? Is she they, er, are you at war?"

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

Both Jerries leaned in, dropping their voices.

"Not officially, Jerry."

"Do you know what sort of intrigue it would cause to declare war now?"

"The mafia is everywhere, Jerry!"

"Their pigeons are spying on us!"

"How are we to fight a war against the mafia's pigeons?"

"They sleep on our roof!"

"They watch our every move!"

"They scan our brains right through its tinfoil!"

"I had my tinfoil removed, Jerry!"

"For your protection!"

"The pigeons can't eat all of that tinfoil!"

"No! They'll drown first!"

Both Jerries laughed a bit evilly.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

"The donkeys went back to their home planet." Marco said with as straight a face as he could.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"Where is that, Jerry?"

"You must take us there, immediately!"

"Yes, because our spaceship is broken."

"We have no spaceship!"

"It was confiscated by the governor."

"He didn't like us finding out about Venus!"

"We covered it up straight away."

"We seem to be out of rocket fuel."

"Have you any rocket fuel, Jerry?"

"We'd send the donkeys, but they drowned."

"Our donkeys ran away," said one Jerry sadly.

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[once-a-king.livejournal.com]

Peter really, really wondered sometimes.

"I'd be most happy to ask the donkeys, sirs. They are Talking Donkeys, of course?"

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[sizzler-sisters.livejournal.com]

"No, of course not!" announced one Jerry.

"The donkeys drowned."

"The donkeys ran away, and then drowned."

"The donkeys were stolen, so they had to run away."

"You can't blame the mafia for everything!"

"Clearly, it was the government's secret experiments."

"If only the channel six news knew about this!"

"They would interview us again right away."

"Should I wear a different dress, Jerry?"

Re: Talk to the Guests!

[notawitch.livejournal.com]

Will was trying hard not to stare. Really she was. The special guests were just so confusing that she wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"I really don't think they'd let donkeys have knives, your majesties. Majesty. Whichever it is?"

Did Prof Lyman just grab a couple of crazies for this last class?