Talent Show, Fandom High Auditorium, Friday Afternoon, 07.07.06

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

The all too familiar opening chords of Europe's The Final Countdown sounded and after a short delay for dramatic effect, GOB danced out onto the auditorium stage. He pulled blue and gold handkerchief chains out of both sleeves (which was difficult with a hand still in a cast) until the chains clearly met in the middle underneath his shirt. A large burst of smoke appeared on stage and when it cleared, the handkerchiefs had turned into two cages of doves. One of the doves fell over in the cage, choking on the smoke.

Over the next couple minutes he disappeared cards, linked and unlinked rings, and made his cast say "GO GREMLINS." It was slightly more impressive than should normally be expected from GOB.

When the music wound down, GOB stepped up to the microphone. "Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and others. Today you will witness the finest example of amateur talent you have ever seen. Unless they suck. If they suck, you should make sure they know they suck. Not just today. Boo them this weekend, too. They'll deserve it for making me a liar."

"Anyway, let's hear it for today's acts!"

[OOC: Wait for OCD is up. Performers, please post in the thread named after you. Mod the Caritas Zombie Band at will. Audience, please stick to the Audience threads. And please don't react until the performer has performed. Everyone can post in the Talk to the Talent thread at the end.]

Comments

Audience: Find a Seat

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Gather. Find a seat. Talk to your neighbors.

Re: Audience: Find a Seat

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

Willow took a seat. She was relieved to not have to be on stage. Cheering from the audience she could do, no problem.

Audience: An MC Named GOB

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to GOB making less of an ass of himself than usual during his introduction.

Re: Audience: An MC Named GOB

[can_be_more]

Aeryn actually think the guy-whose-head-she-dumps-drinks-on may have a point.

The Andrews Sisters

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"First up we have... The Andrews Sisters? Hey, Tino, is this right? Huh. Yeah, the Andrews Sisters performing Mr. Sandman."

Re: The Andrews Sisters

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Once the introduction is made, a somewhat shy young woman takes the stage, her hair concealing her face.

"Um, hi ya'll," she says, adding a Southern drawl for no reason whatsoever. "We're the Andrews sisters and we're here to sing a little ditty for you. And I'd just like to say that this song goes out to Mr. Sam Winchester, that dark haired, lean, drink of water with a lemon slice and a rack of lamb on the side. Mmm, pretty. Anyway, enjoy!"

Audience: The Andrews Sisters

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to the beautiful performance.

Re: Audience: The Andrews Sisters

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel facepalmed and then giggled like a loon.

Phoebe Halliwell

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"Next we have a lovely girl singing a song. Let's hear it for Phoebe Halliwell!"

Re: Phoebe Halliwell

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe might have been just a little nervous. She didn't realize there were going to be so many people here.

She talked to the zombie band and then grinned as they started the music for the song she had chosen from Rent. It was one of her favorites.

Whats the time?
Well it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It say,'Time for danger'

It says 'I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
With a stranger'

Phoebe tossed her leather jacket aside to reveal a tight leather top and hip hugger leather pants as she danced around the stage full of energy. Well... she had watched the movie several times and had been practicing for this.


I've had a knack from way back
At breaking the rules once I learn the
Games
Get-up life's too quick

I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance it the flames
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me

Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play?
Let's run away
We wont be back
Before it's Christmas Day
Take me out tonight (meow)

Phoebe flashed a mischievous grin at Cole when she uttered that last line.

When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That your on line with the feline of
Avenue B

Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna howl
Out tonight

In the evening I must roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels to damn much like like home
When the spanish babies cry

So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die

Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight

Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me - out tonight
I'll let you make me - out tonight
Tonight - tonight - tonight

Audience: Phoebe Halliwell

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to Phoebe's song.

Re: Audience: Phoebe Halliwell

[mycanonhatesme]

Chloe clapped and cheered for Phoebe. There may have been some whistling too.

Joxer

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, Phoebe. And now... Oh, god, why don't we have a bar in the auditorium? Here's Joxer singing that same damn song I've heard way too many times over the past two months. Also, he'll be playing a lyre."

Re: Joxer

[joxertehmighty.livejournal.com]

Joxer walked onto the stage, and laughed. "Sorry, Mister GOB. You're the one who's a lyre, since I'm actually playing a lute." He paused. "My lyre was all out of tune, so you'll have to settle for this." He cleared his throat, and sang.

Joxer the Mighty,
Master of virility,
Every woman wants him,
He's so sexy it's a sin,
If you want a special tryst,
He's the man you can't resist,
By every measure he's a prize!
Just check out my shoe size!
Just check out my shoe size!
A-Ha!

And then, Joxer goes into a wailing lute solo. Well, as much as one can wail on a lute. And as much as Joxer's mediocre musical talents alow.

"Second verse, not the same as the first!"

Joxer the Mighty,
Capain of debauchery
Never seems to get enough,
Of their tantalizing stuff
If you need some company,
With Joxer there's a guarantee,
Of the highest potency!
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

He ended with a flourish and a bow.

"Thank you, Thank you."

Audience: Joxer

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React in a hopefully more positive way than GOB did.

Re: Audience: Joxer

[upforachase.livejournal.com]

From behind the curtain where Cordelia was waiting backstage, she listened to Joxer's performance with an open mouth. She was going to have to really focus if she was going to go out there and seriously perform.

Cordelia Chase

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"And stay off stage! *ahem* Here's Cordelia Chase, performing a monologue from Measure for Measure, Act 2, Scene 2. She'll be playing the part of 'Chick with Monologue.'"

Re: Audience: Cordelia Chase

[upforachase.livejournal.com]

Cordelia stepped onto the stage wearing a somewhat medieval-style dress. Or the best that she was able to find in town. Too bad she was wearing some very modern footwear with it. She cleared her throat quietly and walked to the centre of the stage.


Could great men thunder
As Jove himself does, Jove would ne'er be quiet,
For every pelting, petty officer
Would use his heaven for thunder;
Nothing but thunder! Merciful Heaven,
Thou rather with thy sharp and sulphurous bolt
Spli-


Cordelia furrowed her brows and cleared her throat again.

Split'st the unwedgeable and gnarled oak
Than the soft myrtle: but man, proud man,
Drest in a little brief authority,
Most ignorant of what he's most assured.
His glassy essence, like an angry ape,
Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven
As make the angels weep; who, with our spleens,
Would all themselves laugh mortal.


Cordelia paused for a moment, thinking really hard on why angels would want to steal humans' spleens.

Then she curtseyed.

Audience: Cordelia Chase

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to Cordelia's... um... Cordelia's... LINE! Oh, right. React to Cordelia's monologue.

Re: Audience: Cordelia Chase

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

The word "spleen" really seemed to be coming up a lot the past couple days. Peter clapped, happy that this was an improvement over Joxer's mildly disturbing song.

Charlie Kawalsky

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"Everyone, please welcome Charlie Kawalsky. He doesn't realize that the Yankees suck."

Re: Charlie Kawalsky

[kawalsky.livejournal.com]

Kawalsky walked out on stage wearing a Yankees uniform. His arm was still in a cast (as seemed to be the fashion these days), but waved to the crowd and then nodded to the zombie band to start up. "Folks, I'd like to thank you all for coming, and for ignoring Coach Bluth's Yankee-bashing. The man can do a decent magic act, but wouldn't know a good baseball team if they sat on him. You all know the words to this ol' classic, so feel free to join in!"

He started juggling three baseballs and began to sing.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.

One more time, folks!

Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the ooooold baaaaall gaaaaame!"

He caught the last ball as the music reached the conclusion, took a bow and waved. "Thanks everybody, you've been a great audience!"

Audience: Charlie Kawalsky

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to Charlie's performance.

Re: Audience: Charlie Kawalsky

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Where's the dancing?!" John shouts from his spot in the audience. "That song needs dancing or...sing it like Harry Carey!"

Nadia Santos

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"Nadia Santos is here to perform Caroline Spine's Sullivan. I'm sure it'll be lovely and not at all offensive. Unless she really wants yet another detention."

Re: Nadia Santos

[nadiathesaint]

Nadia came onto the stage with no fanfare whatsoever and stepped up to the mike, striking a chord on the guitar, then went right into the song.

It's not hard to reach back to the day
underneath an Iowa sun.
running to the tower of Waterloo, looking
for the Sullivan train to come.
His five boys would run to the top and
salute him as he went bye.
First we'd wave hello.
Then we'd wave goodbye.

It's not hard to reach back to the days
after the attack on Pearl.
Overnight my buddies turned into men,
running out of time for games and girls.
The Sullivan boys were not overlooked
Uncle Sam calling each by name.
The very next day they left on a mystery
train.

Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs. Sullivan
don't you cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.
"We regret to inform you
the Navy has taken your sons away."
So put your blue star in the window.

It's not hard to reach back to her smile,
when she received the letter.
The letters, they sounded generally the
same, said: "If they coudn't
be home, at least they were together on a
mighty fighting battleship,
somewhere in the south pacific."
The letters never got much more specific.

Say goodbye, bye, bye, mrs sullivan
dont you cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.
"we regret to infrom you
the Navy is keeping your sons away."
All five, five, five, five.
So keep your blue star in the window.

It's not hard to reach back to the day
when the war finally came home.
Uncle Sam will send you a telegram, so he
doesnt have to tell you over the phone.
I heard she cracked up, when they found
out what the war had cost,
and all five of her boys were lost,
They were, they were. . . Oh,

Say goodbye, bye, bye Mrs Sullivan
go ahead and cry, cry, cry, cry, cry,
"We regret to inform you that all your sons
have passed away."
All five, five, five, five,
So change your blue star to gold.
Blue star to gold,
Blue stars,
Change them to gold.

Audience: Nadia Santos

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to Nadia's song.

Re: Audience: Nadia Santos

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Dude!" John shouts towards the stage. "You made me sad."

Peter Griffin

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"And now a rap performed by Peter Griffin. God help us all."

Re: Peter Griffin

[bigfat-peter.livejournal.com]

Peter came on stage wearing his usual white shirt and green pants. He looks seemingly innocent. Then the music to MC Hammer's "Can't Touch Me" comes on.

Ju-Ju-Ju-Ju Just like the bad guy
from Lethal Weapon 2
I got diplomatic immunity
So Hammer you can't sue.

I can write graffiti
even jaywalk in the street
I could riot, loot, not give a hoot
and touch your sister's teat

Can't touch me

Stop! Peter-time
I'm a big shot there's no doubt
Light a fire and pee it out.
Don't like it? Kiss my rump
Just for a minute let's all do the Bump

Can't touch me
yea do the Peter Griffin Bump
Can't touch me.

I'm presidential Peter
Interns think I'm hot
Don't care if you're handicapped
I'll still park in you spot.
I've been around the world
from Hartford to Backbay

It's Peter, go, Peter, MC Peter, yo, Peter
Let's see Regis rap this way.
Can't touch me.

He then points to the ladies in the audience. "Except the ladies. You can touch me."

Audience: Peter Griffin

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to Peter's rap.

Re: Audience: Peter Griffin

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Has anyone ever touched you?" John calls.

Marie D'Ancanto

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"Don't get restless, it's just a little longer before you get to leave. To help pass that time in a way that won't make you want to pop your own eardrums unlike that last guy, Marie D'Ancanto is here to perform Gershwin's Someone to Watch Over Me."

Re: Marie D'Ancanto

[untouchableskin.livejournal.com]

Marie comes out on stage and gives a shy smile before sitting down at the piano and starting to play and sing.

There's a saying old
says that love is blind,
Still we're often told
'Seek and ye shall find'
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind.

Looking everywhere
Haven't found him yet.
He's the big affair
I can not forget
Only man I'll ever think of with regret.

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram.
Tell me,
Where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he
turns out to be
Someone to Watch Over Me

I'm a little lamb
who's lost in the wood,
I know I could
always be good
To one who'll
Watch Over Me.

Although he may not
be the man
some girls think of
as handsome,
To my heart
he carries the key.

Won't you tell him please
to put on some speed
Follow my lead
Oh how I need
Is Someone to Watch Over Me
Someone to Watch Over Me.

[song here (http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=D3ADF6670F52D613) if anyone wants it]

Audience: Marie D'Ancanto

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to Marie's song.

Re: Audience: Marie D'Ancanto

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

"YAY!" Willow applauded loudly. "Best song ever!"

Jamie Madrox

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"We're at the end of the show, folks. And to see us to the bitter end, here's Jamie Madrox, performing... Hey, Tino? Do we have any more information on this? No? Seriously, we're letting Peecup on stage and we don't know what he's doing? *sigh* Ladies and gentlemen, closing our show is Jamie Madrox performing a one act play."

Re: Jamie Madrox

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

The lights dim on the stage and a deep voice echoes through Caritas.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Multiple Madrox productions is happy to present... Oediputz Wrecks"

The lights come up on four Jamies dressed in Greek togas and performing the part of the traditional greek chorus.

Chorus 1: (Singing) Behold the city of Athens!
Chorus 2: (Singing) Where all the citizens are being plagued by disease and hunger and what not.
Chorus 3: (OOC) Guys? I don't think we need to sing the lines because we're in the "Chorus".
Chorus 4: (Singing) Devil in a blue dress! Devil in a blue dress! Devil with a blue dress on!
Chorus 3: Seriously! Guys! We don't sing in a Greek chorus!
Chorus 1: (Singing) Who will save us from these Plagues?
Chorus 2: (Singing) We go to our King Oediputz! He shall save us!
Chorus 3: (Angry) Will you stop singing?!
Chorus 1: (Singing) Behold the King!
Chorus 2: (singing) Oediputz!
Chorus 4: (singing) Trailer for sale or rent! Rooms to let...fifty cents...
Chorus 3: (Still Angry) Oh shut up.

Another Jamie walks out dressed in a toga but with bottle cap glasses and talks in a very nasally tone.

Oediputz: Hey, what's with all the singing out here? I was trying to sleep!

Chorus 1: (Singing) Oh great king! Our kingdom is under a plague!
Chorus 2: (Singing) We are being cursed by the Gods for some terrible unpunished crime!
Chorus 4: (Singing) I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. When I hear that whistle blowin' I hang my head and cry.

Oediputz: Oh how horrible! As King I promise to find the culprit and throw him in jail. Even if it means I did it somehow and end up poking my eyes out with hat pins or something gross like that.

Chorus 3: (Sarcastic) Yeah. You're going to regret saying that.
Chorus 4: (Singing) She's got Bette Davis eyes!

Chorus 1: Behold! Your advisor approaches.

(Yet another Jamie approaches)

Creon: My King! I bear good news!

Oediputz: Hello Crayon!

Creon: It's Creon.

Oediputz: That's what I said. Crayon.

Creon: (Sighs) My lord. We have heard from the Oracle of Delphi. He says that the crime in question was the murder of the previous king who's wife you have married.

Chorus 4: (Singing) Here comes the bride! All dressed in-
Chorus 3: Really. You must shut up.

(Another Jamie walks out wearing a toga and a blonde wig and a bra stuffed with grapefruits to simulate fake boobs. He's definitely not happy about being dressed as a girl)

Jocasta: (Monotone) My husband. What news.

Oediputz: Hey Josephine.

Jocasta: (pissed) It's Jocasta.

Oediputz: Whatever Josie and the pussycats. I'm on the hunt for a Murderer! (Wiggles Fingers)

Chorus 4: (Singing) What's up pussycat! Whoooooa - Oh - Whoooo-oooa!

Creon: We have sent for a witness to this horrible crime! A Shepherd!

Jocasta: (Monotone) Husband. I beg you. Leave this crime in the past so no one will know of what's probably a horrible secret of incest, patricide and additional squick.

Oediputz: No my dear Joanna-

Jocasta: (Breaking character) Look! I'm not doing this if you can even get my name right!

Chorus 4: (Singing) What's my name?! Little Girl! What's my Name?!

(Jocasta turns and decks the Chorus member who multiplies and then tackle Jocasta)

Chorus 3: Told you that you should stop singing.

(The other two chorus members get sick of #3 and tackle him to the ground where they start pummeling him. Creon somehow gets dragged into the fight. A frustrated Jamie dressed as a shepherd walks out.)

Shepherd: Oh for the love of God. (Points at Oediputz) You. You killed your Father and slept with your mother you sick pervert.

Oediputz: Hey! You're cutting out a whole portion of the script! I still have to go on and on about finding the killer and whatnot! Dude! You totally harshed my irony!

Shepherd: Oh blow it out your ass. The whole thing is ruined.

Oediputz: That's it! I'm tearing you more assholes than an Abalone!

Shepherd: Bring it Bitch!

(The whole cast begins beating the crap out of each other resulting in a big monkey pile of Jamies hammering on each other. Tino decides that the play is over and closes the curtain)

Audience: Jamie Madrox

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

React to whatever the hell that was.

Re: Audience: Jamie Madrox

[tyler-gone.livejournal.com]

Tyler about falls over laughing.

And wonders if he could recruit a Jamie for Project Mayhem, if he ever starts it up again.

Not that he's going to. But still.

Farewell

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

"I can't believe I let him on stage. I've made a terrible mistake."

"Thanks to all of our performers. Okay, people. You're free to go. Get the hell out of my sight so I can go get a drink in peace."

Audience: Leave Your Seats

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

For any kind of chatter as you're leaving.

Talk to the Talent

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

If the performers want the public to fawn over them, they can make themselves available here after the Talent Show ends.

Re: Talk to the Talent

[untouchableskin.livejournal.com]

Marie's around if anyone wants to talk to her.


[her mun is on slowplay at work though]

OOC

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

Thank you to my wonderful volunteers for signing up. You were all wonderful!

I assume. Since I'm writing this before anyone posts their performance. Don't make me a liar, people! Make me a laugher!