fandomhigh | Talking is a Free Action [Thursday, August 11, 2011]

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Talking is a Free Action [Thursday, August 11, 2011]

"Greetings, me hearties!" Jack crowed from the front of the--admittedly kind of strange--room. "Ye might have heard on the radio ~~that will be up after I finish writing it~~ that Deadpool has turned into a dingo, so he can hardly be teaching class, savvy? And since people admire initiative, I decided t' try it out and see if there was a reason to admire it."

He paused. "So far it seems like a great deal o' work. Pressing on! As ye might have noticed, being astute sorts, we find ourselves in a blacksmith's smithy. This is an excellent place t' get into a fight."

He really seemed to believe that, too. "Throughout the room, I've left helpful notes fer where bits o' wittiness will be appropriate t' spout against the eunuch who will come out t' fight you."

He meant that with love, Will. Really.

"Grab a hidin' place and a pair o' handcuffs--no use in makin' this too easy, and get ready t' banter wittily!"

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Or scene stolen straight from the first Pirates movie, whichever. Your opponent (http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Will-will-turner-276822_359_538.jpg) is ~~hoooooot~~ completely moddable.Ob

Time for some witty opening banter! It's probably also a good time to find a weapon, because young William seems a might cranky.

Jack looked down at his handcuffed hands and stifled a groan.

"I don't suppose you'd just let me go? I've got a horrible hangover."

Yeah. That'll work.

Nathan was just -- okay, he kind of thought this bloke was pretty fucking cool if only because he seemed permanently fucking drunk and Nathan aspired to be that.

But right, weapon. He had to look for a weapon. There wasn't much and he wasn't gonna use his fists because he was a fucking rail but maybe he could find like a rock or something. Rocks hurt when they got smashed into skulls.

Bart was handcuffed. This was new. There was that one time that he accidentally closed one of Tim's bat-cuffs around one of his wrists, but that was resolved pretty quickly.

He could get out of them easily, but that wasn't part of the fun, right? This new teacher was... interesting. And moderately less confusing than the red guy who was totally a supervillain.

Hm... Pirate-y witty banter... Bart put on his best pirate scowl and started. "Yarr... This be awfully inconvenient. Care to be giving me the keys?"

Cara didn't need to find a weapon, she already had handcuffs with a decent length of chain between them.

Soon poor Will was passing out from lack of air. Cara maaaaaay have not quite gotten the point of this class.

"So is this supposed to be some kind of kinky game?" Quinn asked, surveying her wrists with a dismayed expression on her face. "So not my thing."

"No chance you have a key for these, is there?" Dave asked, holding up the handcuffs. And then he started to run.

You are in a smithy, after all. Break the chains. If you frighten the donkey working the pumps (not Will), well, these things happen.

Banter, banter, banter!

"Look mate, if you get me outta these fucking cuffs, I promise, I'll find an easy girl to wet your wick as soon as I'm safe," Nathan said, holding his hands out hopefully.

"Come on, I know you haven't had that pump primed in awhile and I can help!" Would that get the guy working the pumps to help? He looked interested and after throwing a glance at William, the bloke finally cut him loose.

Thank fuck.

Bart looked around at everyone trying to get out of their handcuffs, turned his back to the room, vibrated his arms so that they phased through the cuffs and let them fall to the ground. He turned around and raised his arms as if he had just dismounted from the high beam and looked awful smug.

"Oh, I'm supposed to say something witty... hmm... Right! Your silly handcuffs are no match for me, got anything better?" Bart beamed with a silly pride.

Edited 2011-08-11 13:24 (UTC)

Okay. Ponytail guy is coming after Jack with a sword. Just great.

"C'mon!" Jack said as he dodged a swipe of the blacksmith's sword. "That's sharp! Isn't there some horse you need to shod?"

Apparently not because that led to another swipe at Jack. Jack dodged leading the sword to hit a certain donkey on the rump. And because Jack was still hungover he fell over the donkey which started going around in a circle. The swaying Jack was experiencing on his donkey? Not good with a queasy stomach.

"Oh. God. Stop moving. Please."

Oh look! Another sword swipe being aimed at Jack.

"WHOA!"

Jack shout immediately caused the donkey to stop propelling Jack forward and off the donkey. Amazingly his handcuffs got hooked onto a rather large hook which left Jack suspended in mid-air.

"This is not good!"

Luckily for Jack his handcuffs were rather inferior so after a few moments of hanging on them, the links broke on their own accord. Sending Jack to the ground. Hard.

"I'm never drinking tequila again."

Cara knew her way around handcuffs. Even one handed it only took a few solid hits to break the pins on the hinges and pull them off.

Will was still passed out on the floor. Poor Will.

Dave had no idea how to break handcuffs, even in a smithy. Especially when an angry man with a sword was chasing him.

So he ran to the donkey and tried to climb onto it with little success. "Can't you bend down to help me out or something?" he asked. "You're being an ass." How was that for banter?

Apparently not very good because he turned around just in time to see a sword coming at him. "I didn't mean you!" Dave yelled as he ducked and rolled under the donkey.

Getting stabbed in the ass got the donkey to start moving, and it just happened to step on the somewhat shoddy chain. Lucky that.

There's a ton of stuff to leap over, jump on, throw at Will. Bonus points if you decide to sword-fight on the rafter beams.

While bantering wittily, of course.

Yeah, Nathan was just gonna throw shit, thank you. He didn't know how to sword fight. Fighting period was something he sucked at so he was just gonna throw everything he could at that greasy haired bloke.

"Mate, what happened to making love and not war?" he asked, ducking behind a table to catch his breath. "I mean, I don't play for the other team but if I told you I was attracted to you, would that help?"

Apparently not because William only got madder. Great. "Okay fine, you're uglier than a donkey's asshole! That better? I didn't wanna tell you but it's true!"

Jack still did not have a sword so he was mostly flailing his arms and running away from the crazy guy with the sword.

"Stop poking me!"

Not dirty.

Bart looked around the room and thought about it for a moment. He knew exactly how to make this awesome.

There was a scarlet blur and a few seconds later, another one and Bart was back, in full pirate garb, hat, coat, plastic cutlass and fake eyepatch. on his shoulder was a small racoon with a little pirate hat on.

Bart waved the cutlass around menacingly "Yarr! I be the dread pirate... um... The Dread Pirate Impulse! I be the best pirate on the seven seas.... Swab the decks and batten down the hatches! It be time for some pirating and all that!"

"STOP TRYING TO STAB ME!" Dave yelled as he tried to find an exit.

Yeah, that was the best you were getting from him at this point.

Oh, what's that there? Why, yes, it is your pistol! Explain to Will why he might be a better swordsman, you're an all-around more awesome person.

But make it fast.

Hey, a man! Nathan could do this! He'd held a water pistol to some chick's head and made everyone believe that it was real so he figured he could do this. Gun cocked at Will, he shrugged.

"Sorry to say that your time's up, mate," he told him, smiling cockily. "I'll admit, you had me going for a time but, you see, here's the thing: you're a dick and I don't let dicks beat me. No no, not even if we were in a porn together."

William didn't really seem to understand this which was probably for the best. "Now, if we had more time, I'd take off that shirt you obviously found in the little girl's section of the Selfridges and take a shit in it just so you could have a souvenir of my greatness. But, for now..."

He shot somewhere in the direction of William's legs and cackled like a loon.

Jack waved the pistol at the crazy man with the sword.

"Okay! I'm giving you a choice. Either stop with the sword or I'll shoot you. And if you're lucky I won't puke on you either."

Mmm. That's not exactly witty, is it?

"Look, I have no idea how to use this thing. If you make me pull this trigger, one of us is probably going to be in a lot of pain," Dave said. "So for the love of God, don't make me use it!"

Edited 2011-08-12 01:23 (UTC)

But if you can't come up with a decent closing line before you bolt out the door, Jack has no hope for ye.

"Next time, shop in the section marked blokes, mate!" Nathan shouted at him as he ran away. "It might get you laid!"

And then he was gone.

"Okay," Jack said as he carefully headed out the door. "Thank you for not killing me. I'm just going to go outside and... be sick."

Nope. No hope for Jack.

After a gunshot and a horrible sound, Dave finally spotted the door and ran for it.

"Sorry about the donkey!" Dave said.

Yes, he accidentally shot it in the ass.

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Talking is a Free Action [Thursday, August 11, 2011]

Obstacle Course!

You've Been Discovered!

Re: You've Been Discovered!

Re: You've Been Discovered!

Re: You've Been Discovered!

Re: You've Been Discovered!

Re: You've Been Discovered!

Re: You've Been Discovered!

Break Your Handcuffs!

Re: Break Your Handcuffs!

Re: Break Your Handcuffs!

Re: Break Your Handcuffs!

Re: Break Your Handcuffs!

Re: Break Your Handcuffs!

Swash, swash, buckle, buckle!

Re: Swash, swash, buckle, buckle!

Re: Swash, swash, buckle, buckle!

Re: Swash, swash, buckle, buckle!

Re: Swash, swash, buckle, buckle!

Cheat Like a Pirate!

Re: Cheat Like a Pirate!

Re: Cheat Like a Pirate!

Re: Cheat Like a Pirate!

Run Away!

Re: Run Away!

Re: Run Away!

Re: Run Away!