Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7 - Thursday, June 25th

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

Miss Bennet was a generous, kind soul who would never place her students in any real danger. But she was going to amuse herself at their expense. Somehow, teaching etiquette did not preclude her from misbehaving.

Oh, this would be fun.

"Good morning," Miss Bennet said, clapping her hands in front of herself. "As I warned you last week, you do, in fact, have a final exam today. That is why I have asked all of you to assemble here, in the Danger Shop. Your exam will be a test of many of the principles we have learned over our short weeks together -- how to be social and civil even in circumstances which may be considered less than ideal.

"In this next room," she said, gesturing through the doorway, "is a gentleman by the name of the Reverend William Collins. He wishes to propose marriage to you, for varying reasons, which he will list for you at the slightest provocation. I assure you, you do not wish to accept his proposal. However.

"You cannot simply stride into the next room and call him rude names. The laws of inheritance state that Mr. Collins is next in line for your estate; should your father fall ill this very evening, and pass away, then by dawn, your house and all your possessions will belong to Mr. Collins. Making an enemy of him will have very real and very dire consequences.

"Walk that particular balance as best you can. Persuade him that you do not wish to marry. Spare his feelings. Dissuade him from wishing to offer for you. This is your final exam: refusing Mr. Collins's proposal while not causing him to throw your family out onto the street." Her smile was nearly evil. "Good luck. I do believe you shall need it."

(OCD COMING!)

Comments

Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

The room is a small, quite homey drawing room, with a dining table at its center and a potted fern serving as its centerpiece. Mr. Collins is pacing, but will greet you in a gushy, overly warm manner once you enter the room.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: in order for this exam to be fair to all participants -- i.e., so that everyone is on a level playing field -- Mr. Collins is going to be ignorant towards distinctions of gender, sexuality, race, or species. Arguing that you are male and Mr. Collins's parish will disapprove of your passionate gay love will earn you a blank stare and a reboot of Mr. Collins's last ping. Because everyone should have to suffer, that's why, and because otherwise this wouldn't be much of an exercise for the male students.)

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[glacial_queen]

Karla hesitantly entered the room. She had a fair idea that her usual greeting would not be appropriate at this time. Taking a good look at him, she was glad she went with that thought. "Mr. Collins?" she called. "You wished to speak with me."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

"I did," Mr. Collins said, approaching with a wide grin and reaching to take Karla's hand, should she allow it. "Believe me, my dear, your modesty only adds to your other perfections. But you can hardly doubt the object of my discourse, however your ... feminine delicacy may lead you to dissemble."

There was something to the man that oozed.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[glacial_queen]

Karla let him take her hand, but retrieved it back as gracefully as she could a few moments later. She was tempted to simper, but there was something about this Mr. Collins that reminded her of the males back home. The ones who liked their women to giggle thoughtlessly and let them take the lead.

"I'm afraid I don't," Karla said flatly. She'd intended to say something a bit more diplomatic, but oops.

Then paused for a moment thinking. Perhaps simpering could work to her advantage...

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[future_sandworm]

Leto entered the room. He stopped by the door, eyeing the man and evaluating his first impression.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

"Come in, come in," Mr. Collins insisted, hurrying over towards Leto. "Did your excellent mother inform you that I wished to see you? I am quite certain that you know what this conversation shall be about."

For his part, Mr. Collins appeared to be thoroughly pleased with himself.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[future_sandworm]

"She did," Leto confirmed, walking sideways to avoid too close contact with Mr Collins, and taking a seat on a chair. "And you flatter me. I do not."

Of potential spouses, Mr Collins was one of the more repulsive, Leto thought.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[golden-rising.livejournal.com]

Serena knew how to deal with pushy over-bearing men. After all, most of her mother's husbands had been like that. Doing it politely - that could be another matter. "Mr Collins? I think you were waiting for me?"

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

Mr Collins smiled at Serena in a utterly charming manner. Well, he thought it was charming at least. "Indeed I was my dear."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[oops-mbad.livejournal.com]

Diana didn't quite stalk into the room, but it was close.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

"My dear," Mr. Collins said, scurrying over to her side. He didn't seem to notice her ill mood. "Do come in. I have something quite important to discuss with you."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan gave Mr. Collins a polite smile as she entered the room. "Good day, Sir."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

Mr Collins returned the smile. Charmingly. Really.

"A very good day, my dear," he said, moving to take her hand. "Especially now we have some privacy."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[sonofmogh.livejournal.com]

Worf entered the room. He was pretty sure that he was going to fail this test.

"What do you want?" he asked, which is actually the traditional Klingon greeting. Trufax.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

Mr Collin's paused a moment, taken aback. His mother had referred to him as a gently-bred young man after all. Deciding that Work was merely overcome with joy at the idea of his proposal, he moved towards him.

"You should already be able to guess what I want, my dear," he said. "After all, I have been quite forward already."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[guardianborn.livejournal.com]

Rose walked into the room on guard as if she thought someone was going to smash that potted fern over her head and drag her off. Which would be about as much fun as marrying that creepy, oily, pacing dude.

"Um, hi?"

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"My dear," Mr Collins came over to her. "We have much to talk about."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela really felt like this entire situation would be easier if her shoulder holster wasn't empty. Normally just having the holster was a comfort, which is why she still wore it, but for this...

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and walked into the room.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

"Come in, come in, my dear," Mr. Collins simpered, scurrying over to her side. "Your excellent mother has informed you that I wished for us to have a ... private conversation, did she not?"

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[finding-x-dream.livejournal.com]

Agnes entered the room and started to bow in greeting, but then caught herself and curtsied instead. For the purposes of this assignment, she was probably supposed to pretend to not be a witch.

"Good day, Reverend."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

"And to you as well, my dear," Mr. Collins said, heading eagerly to Agnes's side. "I take it that your excellent mother has informed you that I wished to speak to you?"

He rubbed his hands together excitedly.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[anarchist-queen.livejournal.com]

By the time Leda went in, she believe she had a good strategy for putting Collins off the trail.

That being said, she bit her tongue hard to keep from laughing the moment she saw who was going to be so ardent for her hand.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

"My dearest," Mr. Collins said, hurrying to her side with a decided simper. "Do please come in. I believe we have an ... important matter to discuss."

There was a decided Look to accompany that statement.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[yakkoyaks.livejournal.com]

"Hellllllllooooooooooooooo, Mister Collins," Yakko said, entering the room.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

To his credit, Mr. Collins did not stare, faint, or shriek. Perhaps he really was in love with the young Warner. Perhaps his programming considering everything to be completely normal. The world would never know.

"Do come in, my dear," he simpered, hurrying over to Yakko's side. "For we have important matters to discuss, and much happiness awaits us."