fandomhigh | Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7

Miss Bennet was a generous, kind soul who would never place her students in any real danger. But she was going to amuse herself at their expense. Somehow, teaching etiquette did not preclude her from misbehaving.

Oh, this would be fun.

"Good morning," Miss Bennet said, clapping her hands in front of herself. "As I warned you last week, you do, in fact, have a final exam today. That is why I have asked all of you to assemble here, in the Danger Shop. Your exam will be a test of many of the principles we have learned over our short weeks together -- how to be social and civil even in circumstances which may be considered less than ideal.

"In this next room," she said, gesturing through the doorway, "is a gentleman by the name of the Reverend William Collins. He wishes to propose marriage to you, for varying reasons, which he will list for you at the slightest provocation. I assure you, you do not wish to accept his proposal. However.

"You cannot simply stride into the next room and call him rude names. The laws of inheritance state that Mr. Collins is next in line for your estate; should your father fall ill this very evening, and pass away, then by dawn, your house and all your possessions will belong to Mr. Collins. Making an enemy of him will have very real and very dire consequences.

"Walk that particular balance as best you can. Persuade him that you do not wish to marry. Spare his feelings. Dissuade him from wishing to offer for you. This is your final exam: refusing Mr. Collins's proposal while not causing him to throw your family out onto the street." Her smile was nearly evil. "Good luck. I do believe you shall need it."

(OCD COMING!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mr. Collins found himself entirely speechless for several moments, which was -- considering Mr. Collins -- quite the feat of Diana's.

Finally he straightened up. "I believe we are misunderstanding one another," he said properly. "My dear, I called you in here because I have selected you as the happy companion for my future life."

Diana frowned. "I don't deal with the cows usually. You might want to talk to my sister about that. She'd be a lot happier to help you." Much like in any other situation, Diana's instinct was to dump everything on Claire.

"Are you feeling unwell?" Mr. Collins asked. Had his intended been struck with madness? "I was stating that I wished to offer you my hand in holy matrimony."

He was careful, there, in using the conditional, so that if it turned out that she was mad, she couldn't say that he had done so, or force him to go through with it.

Diana frowned. "Is that anything like a patriarchy? Because I'm pretty sure that's Da-Father's job." If need be, she could bring out the cows again.

Mr. Collins was going to have very strong words with the girl's mother, for nearly pushing a mad child off on him. To think, that she had said that the girl was perfectly healthy!

Though perhaps the affliction was recent enough that the mother had not realized. As a clergyman, he should show compassion.

Though not so much compassion that he would marry someone quite insensible.

He reached to pat the girl condescendingly on one shoulder. "There, there," he said, as kindly as he could muster. "I am quite certain that your ... illness will fade in time."

He wasn't certain at all, but it was far more charitable than the alternative.

Diana grasped at that straw. "The Doctor does keep telling Mother that there's always a nunnery."

"There is," Mr. Collins agreed eagerly. "I think you would be particularly suited to a life of devotion. There is great pleasure in serving, and I feel it would bring you peace. Would you please excuse me, my dearest? I'm afraid I have ... somewhere that I must be, rather urgently."

Diana smiled. "Don't forget about the cows!"

"I won't," Mr. Collins promised, before beating a hasty departure. Such a tragedy, that this girl should have lost her sense so young.

At least he wouldn't be chained to a mad wife. One couldn't save everyone, after all.

Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7 - Thursday, June 25th

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]