fandomhigh | Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7

Miss Bennet was a generous, kind soul who would never place her students in any real danger. But she was going to amuse herself at their expense. Somehow, teaching etiquette did not preclude her from misbehaving.

Oh, this would be fun.

"Good morning," Miss Bennet said, clapping her hands in front of herself. "As I warned you last week, you do, in fact, have a final exam today. That is why I have asked all of you to assemble here, in the Danger Shop. Your exam will be a test of many of the principles we have learned over our short weeks together -- how to be social and civil even in circumstances which may be considered less than ideal.

"In this next room," she said, gesturing through the doorway, "is a gentleman by the name of the Reverend William Collins. He wishes to propose marriage to you, for varying reasons, which he will list for you at the slightest provocation. I assure you, you do not wish to accept his proposal. However.

"You cannot simply stride into the next room and call him rude names. The laws of inheritance state that Mr. Collins is next in line for your estate; should your father fall ill this very evening, and pass away, then by dawn, your house and all your possessions will belong to Mr. Collins. Making an enemy of him will have very real and very dire consequences.

"Walk that particular balance as best you can. Persuade him that you do not wish to marry. Spare his feelings. Dissuade him from wishing to offer for you. This is your final exam: refusing Mr. Collins's proposal while not causing him to throw your family out onto the street." Her smile was nearly evil. "Good luck. I do believe you shall need it."

(OCD COMING!)

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"Sure we do. I just have something to do first," Yakko pulled a large canvas sack out of his pocket and rushed Mr Collins in an attempt to catch him in it.

Mr. Collins ... had ... not expected the large canvas sack.

There were a few moments of confusion flickering across his face before he ran from Yakko, as quickly as he could manage. Which wasn't nearly as fast as a Warner, but, to his credit, was better than one might imagine a greasy reverend to be capable of.

"What is the meaning of this?!" he shrieked.

"It's how we do these things where I come from," Yakko explained, purposely being vague about what 'these things' might mean. He dove at Mr Collins with the sack.

Mr. Collins had had a great many slights to his dignity, but never had he been tackled and covered with a large canvas sack.

He struggled, feeling ridiculous, furious, and a great deal many more -ouses.

"Release me!" he barked. "This instant!"

"You forgot to say the magic word! This is a class on etiquette, after all," Yakko said as he tied the sack shut. Mr Collins would be able to breathe through the sack, Yakko was sure.

And so he slapped a sticker reading "TO: ANTARCTICA" and a whole sheet of stamps onto the sack and put it down next to a mailbox that hadn't been there a minute ago.

"Let! Me! Out!" Mr. Collins shouted. He wriggled harder, kicking uselessly against the tied sack.

The cheery mail truck zipped up to the brand-new mailbox, and loaded Mr. Collins towards his new home. Maybe he could marry a penguin?

Yakko might notice the figure in the doorway -- a very, very proper young etiquette teacher, doubled over with paroxysms of laughter.

"He should've said please," Yakko said, shaking his head and tsking at the man's rudeness.

Miss Bennet would need a moment to regain her breath. And to wipe at her eyes, which seemed to be leaking.

"Yes, indeed he should have," she laughed. "I do believe you saved yourself three hours of his useless braying. I'm astonished I never considered mailing him to Antarctica myself."

She had cheerily imagined throwing the fern vase at him, but shipping him to Australia? That one was new.

"I'm not sure the Royal Mail could have handled a parcel like that anyway," Yakko said.

Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7 - Thursday, June 25th

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]