fandomhigh | Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7

Miss Bennet was a generous, kind soul who would never place her students in any real danger. But she was going to amuse herself at their expense. Somehow, teaching etiquette did not preclude her from misbehaving.

Oh, this would be fun.

"Good morning," Miss Bennet said, clapping her hands in front of herself. "As I warned you last week, you do, in fact, have a final exam today. That is why I have asked all of you to assemble here, in the Danger Shop. Your exam will be a test of many of the principles we have learned over our short weeks together -- how to be social and civil even in circumstances which may be considered less than ideal.

"In this next room," she said, gesturing through the doorway, "is a gentleman by the name of the Reverend William Collins. He wishes to propose marriage to you, for varying reasons, which he will list for you at the slightest provocation. I assure you, you do not wish to accept his proposal. However.

"You cannot simply stride into the next room and call him rude names. The laws of inheritance state that Mr. Collins is next in line for your estate; should your father fall ill this very evening, and pass away, then by dawn, your house and all your possessions will belong to Mr. Collins. Making an enemy of him will have very real and very dire consequences.

"Walk that particular balance as best you can. Persuade him that you do not wish to marry. Spare his feelings. Dissuade him from wishing to offer for you. This is your final exam: refusing Mr. Collins's proposal while not causing him to throw your family out onto the street." Her smile was nearly evil. "Good luck. I do believe you shall need it."

(OCD COMING!)

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Mr Collins laughed. He didn't get the joke, but he laughed none the less.

"Of course not, my dear."

"Um, then, see, I was all ready to talk about baseball," Rose tried, starting to move back towards the door. "Nice talking to you though?"

"Sit down my dear," Mr Collins said before Rose had a chance to get very far. "Though your coyness is endearing, we must needs get down to the business at hand."

Rose sighed and sat down. "It can't be too long though. I have to get my medicines soon."

Mr Collins was about to launch into his carefully prepared speech about marriage, responsibilities and Lady Catherine de Bourgh when his brain caught up with him. "...your medicines?"

Rose nodded. "If I don't take them every couple hours, I can't - well, it gets bad." She paused as if startled. "Oh! I don't think I was supposed to tell you that."

Yes, it was a great shame.

Mr Collins was beginning to think there were a great number of things he wasn't being told about his potential spouses. Being Mr Collins he felt a great deal of sadness for them at having such a scatter-wit of a mother.

"Surely it can't be that bad. Can it?"

She played with her hair, trying very hard to look sad. "Very, very bad. One time I took off all my clothes at dinner."

"Oh, my goodness." Mr Collins tried not to picture that...for more than a few seconds. "All of them?"

"And then danced on the table," Rose agreed. "But usually it's just swearing at everyone. And having fits. The doctor says I'll keep getting worse until they have to keep me locked up."

Rose was really, really hoping he didn't want a crazy wife. Cause plan 2 was punching him.

Mr Collins really didn't want a crazy wife. He'd never be invited to dine with Lady de Bourgh again if he had one.

"In which case, I just wanted to say that I appreciate how've put yourself out during my stay here." There, that was nice and more importantly non-committal.

"Oh, well, um, you're family of course," Rose said quickly. "And my cousin." Which was the same thing, Rose.

"Exactly, which is as it should be." And definitely nothing more. Ever.

"So..." Rose looked around, totally hopeful this worked. "Can I go then?"

Mr Collins nodded in a way which he hoped appeared magnanimous rather than eager. "Of course."

Rose tried to keep some dignity as she walked out. But mainly she almost skipped. Win!

Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7 - Thursday, June 25th

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

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Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

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Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]