Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #7 - Thursday, June 25th

[clevermsbennet.livejournal.com]

Miss Bennet was a generous, kind soul who would never place her students in any real danger. But she was going to amuse herself at their expense. Somehow, teaching etiquette did not preclude her from misbehaving.

Oh, this would be fun.

"Good morning," Miss Bennet said, clapping her hands in front of herself. "As I warned you last week, you do, in fact, have a final exam today. That is why I have asked all of you to assemble here, in the Danger Shop. Your exam will be a test of many of the principles we have learned over our short weeks together -- how to be social and civil even in circumstances which may be considered less than ideal.

"In this next room," she said, gesturing through the doorway, "is a gentleman by the name of the Reverend William Collins. He wishes to propose marriage to you, for varying reasons, which he will list for you at the slightest provocation. I assure you, you do not wish to accept his proposal. However.

"You cannot simply stride into the next room and call him rude names. The laws of inheritance state that Mr. Collins is next in line for your estate; should your father fall ill this very evening, and pass away, then by dawn, your house and all your possessions will belong to Mr. Collins. Making an enemy of him will have very real and very dire consequences.

"Walk that particular balance as best you can. Persuade him that you do not wish to marry. Spare his feelings. Dissuade him from wishing to offer for you. This is your final exam: refusing Mr. Collins's proposal while not causing him to throw your family out onto the street." Her smile was nearly evil. "Good luck. I do believe you shall need it."

(OCD COMING!)

Comments

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan allowed him to take her hand and kept her polite smile firmly in place. "What was it that you wanted to discuss?" she asked.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"There's no need to be coy my dear," Mr Collins replied, simpering over Joan's hand. "Even though your discretion does you much credit."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Okay that was... creepy.

But Joan's smile stayed in place. "I'm not being coy, sir."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

Of course she would say that, it was part of the great feminine mystique. "I'll not mince words then, my dear," Mr Collins said. "There comes a point in a man's life, especially one in my position, when he must think of the future, of his responsibilities. And as my Lady de Bourgh is wont to say, sometimes it is best to kill two birds with the one stone. To discharge my responsibility to myself, to my position, and to your family in one fell swoop. Which is why we're here today."

There was a point buried in there. Somewhere.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Oh, yes a man of your position does have responsibilities," Joan agreed, having decided on a tactic for politely declining the proposal that she hoped would work. "How do you see me fitting in to those responsibilities?"

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"Why, by making me the most happy man in Christendom as my lady wife," he said.

It was like the smarm was dripping off that smile.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan had a feeling she was going to need a very long shower after this.

"I cannot in good conscience accept your proposal," she said, schooling her features to look disappointed about this.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"Oh, yes, the refusal in order to stoke the fires of my heart and make me prove my sincerity." Because seriously, who wouldn't want a price of this? "Rest assured my dear, that I shall endeavour to prove myself to you."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"It's not that," Joan said, swallowing her revulsion. "You deserve more than I can give you."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"True, you do not have much by way of dowry," Mr Collins agreed. "But wealth does not matter to me. I have my living at Rosings, and you are more than gently-bred enough for my Lady de Bourgh's taste."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"You're misunderstanding me, sir," Joan said. "I cannot provide you with an heir due to an unfortunate horseback riding accident in my youth."

She forced a sad look. "It would be wholly unfair for you to be denied the chance to continue your family line."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

Mr Collins frowned. "Horseback riding accident?"

Her mother certainly hadn't mentioned that.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan had never ever been on a horse, but she was hopeful this would work.

"Yes, I was quite young," she said, casting her gaze to the floor. "The doctor said that I would never be able to bear children."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

Mr Collins reached out to pat Joan on the shoulder. "There, there child."

He would be having words with her mother, though maybe it had just slipped her mind. Somehow.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan barely managed to contain her urge to shudder at his touch. "I'm very sorry that I am unable to accept your proposal."

No, she really wasn't.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"Well, yes, the Lord has a plan for us all," Mr Collins said. "Tell me, my dear, have you ever considered taking holy orders?"

Aw, look, he was trying to be helpful.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Well, wasn't that an awkwardly accurate question.

"I have considered it, yes."

More like had it thrust upon her involuntarily.

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[notahostage]

"Then far be it for me to stand between you and your calling," Mr Collins said, as if this was a great sacrifice he was making. "Go with God my child."

Re: Mr. Collins's Proposal [ET-7]

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Good luck with your search, Sir," Joan said, high-tailing it out of the room.